| You Are Our Guest | Section E |
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Good day, all you hosers. Get our album, eh? It's titled Bob & Doug McKenzie, eh? So, go down to your local record shop (or CD shop now), and buy it. Then go to track 13 and You Are Our Guest.
| Bob: | You Are Our Guest. G'day, and... |
|---|---|
| Doug: | Coo roo coo coo, coo coo coo coo |
| Bob: | Oh, sorry... |
| Doug: | Coo roo coo coo, coo coo coo coo |
| Bob: | Sorry. So g'day. Welcome to You Are Our Guest. |
| Doug: | It's a new show, eh? And like it was my idea. |
| Bob: | Aw, take off! Okay, so I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
| Doug: | How's it going, eh? |
| Bob: | Okay, so what you do is, you take the album where it's got this written down, eh? You follow it along and You Are Our Guest. |
| SFX: | Chair. |
| Bob: | And like, there's even a chair here for you. |
| Doug: | But like, there's no one in it, eh? So like you're not really our guest, eh? |
| Bob: | Geez hosehead, will you stop blowing everything? |
| Doug: | Okay, eh? |
| Bob: | Okay, so g'day! C'mon up here, sit down. Welcome. |
| SFX: | Sitting in chair. |
| YOU: | G'day, how's it going? |
| Bob: | Pretty good. So this is the first on the show, eh? |
| Bob: | You're not nervous, eh? |
| YOU: | No Bob, I'm pretty comfortable. |
| Bob: | Can I get you a beer, or back bacon? |
| YOU: | No thanks Bob, I just ate. Say, you guys like my toque? |
| Bob: | Yeah, it's a beauty. |
| YOU: | Doug, don't you like my toque? |
| (PAUSE) | |
| Bob: | Hey, hoser... |
| Doug: | What? |
| Bob: | Our guest asked you a question. |
| Doug: | There's nobody here but me and you hosehead. |
| YOU: | Excuse me, can I say something? |
| Doug: | What? |
| Bob: | Oh so now you're talking to our guest, eh hoser? |
| Doug: | Okay, but only cuz he tricked me, eh? |
| YOU: | Listen you hosers, the only reason I came on this show was to tell you guys that the idea of having me as your guest is stolen. |
| Bob: | It was his idea. |
| Doug: | Take off, it was not! |
| YOU: | Look, I don't care which one of you hosers ripped it off but it's been done before. On other albums, on TV shows. And all you've proven by doing this is that you're a couple of hosers. |
| Bob: | Yeah, well you're a hoser for going along with it this far. |
| Doug: | Yeah, and because like you're doing it with us that makes you a theif too, eh? |
| YOU: | Take off! I am not! |
| Bob: | Yeah, well you take off! |
| YOU: | Okay hosers, that does it. I'm never coming on this show again. You guys deserve each other. But you don't deserve me! G'day! |
| SFX: | Chair and footsteps. |
| Bob: | Wait! Give us one more chance. |
| YOU: | Take off! |
| SFX: | Door slam. |
| Doug: | Oh, nice going. Look what you did! |
| Bob: | What I did? You did it! You stole the idea. |
| Doug: | No, I thought of it too, eh! It must have been like a coincidence. You want me to go get your guest back? |
| Bob: | Forget it. |
The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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"You Are Our Guest" ©1981 Anthem Entertainment