| February, 2006 |  |
Weather: Keep your ears on... no wait, keep your earmuffs on, cause it's gonna be cold this month. And that's your 10-13, good buddy! |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 5 |
| February, 2006 | |
Weather: Keep your ears on... no wait, keep your earmuffs on, cause it's gonna be cold this month. And that's your 10-13, good buddy! |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 5 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
|---|---|
| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | So welcome to The Hoser, and go! |
| Doug | Okay, last week we found our old CB radio in the garage and we pulled it out and plugged it into the van right and we got an old coathanger out of the closet and stuck it on the side of the radio as an antenna eh and turned it on and so now it works again, eh! |
| Bob | Yeah, beauty! |
| Doug | So 10-4, good buddy! |
| Bob | No way! 10-4 is CB slang for "good day", and we haven't finished yet! |
| Doug | Take off! 10-4 is CB slang for "okay". |
| Bob | Oh. Okay, then. I mean... 10-4, then. |
| Doug | Beauty. So as I was saying, smokey's on your tail and keep your ears on, do you copy? |
| Bob | You have no idea what you just said, do you? |
| Doug | Uh. Only you can prevent forest fires? |
| Bob | Geez. |
| Doug | Oh yeah, like you know too! |
| Bob | I know more than you! |
| Doug | Take off! So anyway, here's our base station radio, and we found it in the basement, conveniently enough. |
| Bob | Yeah, it's bigger and plugs into the wall. |
| Doug | Ordinarily we'd plug it into the big TV antenna on the side of the house that hasn't been used for like fifteen years but it still screwed up the cable signal and our dad got mad cause he couldn't watch the all-car racing channel right so we had to unplug it, eh! |
| Bob | So like back when Doug was legal drinking age and I wasn't, he'd go out to the beer store with the CB in the van, and I'd use the base unit to tell him which types of beer we were out of. |
| Doug | Oh yeah, that worked well. Let's see if this thing still works. (he turns it on) |
| SFX | loud crackle |
| Doug | Geez! |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| Doug | (into handset) So good day, and welcome to the broadcast version of The Hoser! |
| Bob | Oh, beauty, eh! |
| Doug | I'm Doug McKenzie, and welcome to my show! Broadcasting to you live on, uh... channel 9! |
| Bob | No, take off! Change the channel! |
| Doug | Why? What for? |
| Bob | Channel 9 is for emergencies only! |
| Doug | Oh! (into mic) Sorry, eh! I've gotta report an emergency, my brother's a big hose... |
| Bob | (grabs handset) Gimme that! |
| Doug | Geez, I said "sorry", eh! |
| Bob | You have no idea how to talk on the radio, do you? |
| Doug | We used to use this all the time! |
| Bob | Yeah, well I'm takin' over! (into mic) Good day, and welcome to The Hoser, starring Bob McKenzie, and no one else. |
| Doug | No wait, I'm here too! |
| Bob | There must be some sort of interference, folks! (turns handset off) Oh yeah, I can just turn this thing off. |
| Doug | Hoser. |
| Bob | No one's listening. |
| Doug | Yeah, cause everyone else on the planet got rid of their CB radios in 1982. |
| Bob | No, we got two of 'em! |
| Doug | Okay, so you go out to the van so we can have a conversation! |
| Bob | Take off! Why I gotta go?! |
| Doug | Cause I get the base unit. I called it! |
| Bob | Aw geez. |
| Doug | Don't forget to put your trucker hat on, eh! |
| Bob | No way, it's too cold. I'm wearing my tuque cause it's February in Canada, eh! |
| Doug | Aw, you gotta look like a trucker if you're gonna use the CB radio! |
| Bob | You used it and you look like a nobk! |
| Doug | Geez. |
| Bob | I'm stayin' here. |
| Doug | Hoser. |
| Bob | (back on microphone) So welcome back, I'm your host Bob McKenzie, with me in the studio today is my brother Doug. How's it going, Doug? (holds the mic up to Doug's face) |
| Doug | It's going pretty good. |
| Bob | Okay, so beauty. Today the topic is CB radio, cause we're using a CB radio. |
| Doug | That's a big 10-4, folks! |
| Bob | Nice. Hey, read the script so far! |
| Doug | No way, eh! The folks reading on the Internet are gonna end up reading it again, and then when we get to the part where you say "read the script so far" we're gonna have to start all over again and again until we fall asleep or the radio explodes or something. |
| Bob | Okay, good point cause there's probably only two people listening to us right now, and that's the two of us. |
| Doug | You say something? I wasn't paying attention. |
| Bob | Hoser. (back into mic) So we're back, and this is now our call in... no wait! Our music show! Get the turntable out, Doug! |
| Doug | The wha? |
| Bob | We're gonna hear some Zeppelin, some Rush, and then the musical stylings of Bob McKenzie! |
| Doug | Oh yeah, you're gonna perform music. Since you're like a trucker talking on a CB radio what's it gonna be? Country music? |
| Bob | It could be, you don't know. |
| Doug | I can play music better than you. |
| Bob | On what? Your armpit? |
| Doug | Oh yeah, well you can... |
| Bob | Geez, now look what you've done! We're outa time! |
| Doug | Aw no! |
| Bob | (back on mic) Okay, so that's the show for today, we'll have a longer one, uh, tomorrow or something. Good day. (holds the handset up to Doug) |
| Doug | Wha? Oh! Good day, eh! |
| voice on radio | Are you guys really gonna be back tomorrow?! |
| Doug | Hey! We got a fan! |
| Bob | Beauty, we've got listeners! (into mic) Yeah we will! Are you gonna be listening? |
| voice on radio | For sure! This is the police, we want to triangulate your position so we can fine you for making illegal broadcasts! |
| Bob and Doug | Oh, geez! (they run out of the room) |
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The Hoser |
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