January, 2006 The Hoser Weather: It's gonna snow this month so make a snowman. Use beer caps instead of coal, cause everyone has beer caps, and no one uses coal these days, eh!
Vol. 9, No. 4

One Hundred Issues!

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobIt's goin' pretty good, cause this is our hundredth issue of The Hoser!
DougSo good day, and welcome to our hundredth issue!
BobYeah, join the party! We got chips and corn and beer, eh!
DougAnd backbacon.
BobThat reminds me, I gotta get the stove started.
DougGeez, don't forget! Remember folks, only run your propane powered stoves outdoors or where there's sufficient ventilation.
BobYeah, safety first. (He starts the stove. Clearly they're in their basement.)
DougOh, we got beer, too!
BobDon't forget the beer, eh!
DougWe almost did.
DougSo this is our hundredth issue celebration.
BobYeah, look at all the people here! (They look around and see they're alone.) Okay!
DougBeauty. No one else showed up, so more beer and backbacon and chips and popcorn for us, eh!
BobThat's what happens when you don't invite anyone else, I guess.
DougI didn't even want to invite you, eh!
BobTake off! (Pauses.) Hey!
BobYou know what we coulda done?
DougWhat's that?
BobWe coulda got a hundred beers and drank one for each of the hundred issues of The Hoser that we've written!
DougWhat, one hundred each?
BobOkay, maybe not one hundred each. Fifty each.
DougOh, that woulda been great.
BobOn further thought, forget it!
DougWha? Why?!
BobWe couldn't do it anyway. We'd need one hundred beers but there's no way to get that since all the cases are multiples of six, eh!
DougYeah, so six plus four times twenty-four... uh...
BobThat don't work. That's 102. One hundred ain't divisible by six cause it's a prime number, or something.
DougAw no!
BobThe closest is to get the four two-fours for ninety-six beers. But then there's four missing, eh!
DougAw, so we shoulda had this celebration four months ago for the ninety-six issues of The Hoser! The fourth case worth of Hoserness!
BobOr in twenty more months for the... uh... 120th issue!
DougOkay, clearly we haven't had enough beer if we're still able to do the math in our heads, eh!
BobYeah, but counting by six is easy.
DougI wonder why, eh?
BobOkay. Well let's get started on the one hundred beers then.
Doug(Looks at case.) I think we're gonna have to send out for more. (He removes two of the last beers in the case.)
BobShoulda got a keg.
DougYeah, well you'd be drinking directly from it and be unconscious on the floor by midnight.
BobTake off. That wasn't me, that was you.
DougNo way, eh! I wasn't unconscious till at least 2:30.
DougBesides, kegs aren't a perfect number of cases anyway. It's like seven and a half, or something.
BobI guess kegs are prime numbers, too. Prime the keg!
DougBeauty. Cheers, eh! (He opens two and hands one to Bob.)
BobYeah, cheers for the beers!
DougOkay, now we should reenact the best parts of all our previous issues!
BobWe're sittin' here drinking beer and eatin' food, this is the best part!
DougOh, right, eh!
BobI just thought of something!
DougThat's a first.
BobNo... Take off!
BobHoser. I just realized we coulda got three two-fours and one of those new cases where the bottles are oval shaped or something so they can fit twenty-eight beers in them, eh!
DougA two-eight?
BobYeah! Three... seventy-two. Plus twenty-eight is one hundred!
Doug"Two-eight" don't sound right. Besides, aren't those only American beers?
BobNaw, they're starting to put Canadian ones in there, too.
DougMaybe its one of those Canadian beer companies not owned by Canadians, or something.
BobCould be. But a case of two-eight is like forty bucks, eh?
DougAw man. Well so much for that plan. We'll have another party when we get to 120 issues of The Hoser. Then we only need uh...
DougI was gonna say that. Five cases of two-four, for our 120th issue!
BobBeauty. And now we're out of space. See you then, eh!
DougNo, take off! See you next month!
BobOh yeah! Good day.
DougGood day, eh!