| January, 2006 |  |
Weather: It's gonna snow this month so make a snowman. Use beer caps instead of coal, cause everyone has beer caps, and no one uses coal these days, eh! |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 4 |
| January, 2006 | |
Weather: It's gonna snow this month so make a snowman. Use beer caps instead of coal, cause everyone has beer caps, and no one uses coal these days, eh! |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 4 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
|---|---|
| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | It's goin' pretty good, cause this is our hundredth issue of The Hoser! |
| Doug | So good day, and welcome to our hundredth issue! |
| Bob | Yeah, join the party! We got chips and corn and beer, eh! |
| Doug | And backbacon. |
| Bob | That reminds me, I gotta get the stove started. |
| Doug | Geez, don't forget! Remember folks, only run your propane powered stoves outdoors or where there's sufficient ventilation. |
| Bob | Yeah, safety first. (He starts the stove. Clearly they're in their basement.) |
| Doug | Oh, we got beer, too! |
| Bob | Don't forget the beer, eh! |
| Doug | We almost did. |
| Bob | Geez. |
| Doug | So this is our hundredth issue celebration. |
| Bob | Yeah, look at all the people here! (They look around and see they're alone.) Okay! |
| Doug | Beauty. No one else showed up, so more beer and backbacon and chips and popcorn for us, eh! |
| Bob | That's what happens when you don't invite anyone else, I guess. |
| Doug | I didn't even want to invite you, eh! |
| Bob | Take off! (Pauses.) Hey! |
| Doug | What? |
| Bob | You know what we coulda done? |
| Doug | What's that? |
| Bob | We coulda got a hundred beers and drank one for each of the hundred issues of The Hoser that we've written! |
| Doug | What, one hundred each? |
| Bob | Okay, maybe not one hundred each. Fifty each. |
| Doug | Oh, that woulda been great. |
| Bob | On further thought, forget it! |
| Doug | Wha? Why?! |
| Bob | We couldn't do it anyway. We'd need one hundred beers but there's no way to get that since all the cases are multiples of six, eh! |
| Doug | Yeah, so six plus four times twenty-four... uh... |
| Bob | That don't work. That's 102. One hundred ain't divisible by six cause it's a prime number, or something. |
| Doug | Aw no! |
| Bob | The closest is to get the four two-fours for ninety-six beers. But then there's four missing, eh! |
| Doug | Aw, so we shoulda had this celebration four months ago for the ninety-six issues of The Hoser! The fourth case worth of Hoserness! |
| Bob | Or in twenty more months for the... uh... 120th issue! |
| Doug | Okay, clearly we haven't had enough beer if we're still able to do the math in our heads, eh! |
| Bob | Yeah, but counting by six is easy. |
| Doug | I wonder why, eh? |
| Bob | Okay. Well let's get started on the one hundred beers then. |
| Doug | (Looks at case.) I think we're gonna have to send out for more. (He removes two of the last beers in the case.) |
| Bob | Shoulda got a keg. |
| Doug | Yeah, well you'd be drinking directly from it and be unconscious on the floor by midnight. |
| Bob | Take off. That wasn't me, that was you. |
| Doug | No way, eh! I wasn't unconscious till at least 2:30. |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Besides, kegs aren't a perfect number of cases anyway. It's like seven and a half, or something. |
| Bob | I guess kegs are prime numbers, too. Prime the keg! |
| Doug | Beauty. Cheers, eh! (He opens two and hands one to Bob.) |
| Bob | Yeah, cheers for the beers! |
| Doug | Okay, now we should reenact the best parts of all our previous issues! |
| Bob | We're sittin' here drinking beer and eatin' food, this is the best part! |
| Doug | Oh, right, eh! |
| Bob | I just thought of something! |
| Doug | That's a first. |
| Bob | No... Take off! |
| Doug | SNORK! |
| Bob | Hoser. I just realized we coulda got three two-fours and one of those new cases where the bottles are oval shaped or something so they can fit twenty-eight beers in them, eh! |
| Doug | A two-eight? |
| Bob | Yeah! Three... seventy-two. Plus twenty-eight is one hundred! |
| Doug | "Two-eight" don't sound right. Besides, aren't those only American beers? |
| Bob | Naw, they're starting to put Canadian ones in there, too. |
| Doug | Maybe its one of those Canadian beer companies not owned by Canadians, or something. |
| Bob | Could be. But a case of two-eight is like forty bucks, eh? |
| Doug | Aw man. Well so much for that plan. We'll have another party when we get to 120 issues of The Hoser. Then we only need uh... |
| Bob | Five. |
| Doug | I was gonna say that. Five cases of two-four, for our 120th issue! |
| Bob | Beauty. And now we're out of space. See you then, eh! |
| Doug | No, take off! See you next month! |
| Bob | Oh yeah! Good day. |
| Doug | Good day, eh! |
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
|---|
The Hoser |
|
BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2006 Chris "Bob" Odorjan