June, 2005 The Hoser Weather: It's gonna rain a lot this month, which is good cause your dad can't tell you to mow the lawn and also it provides lots of fresh cold spring water for the breweries to make more beer with, eh!
Vol. 8, No. 9


by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobAs you can see, we're doing the show from the middle of nowhere.
DougYeah, we was camping at the provincial park, eh? And like the park rangers saw our fire and noticed we didn't have a permit to camp there so then they kicked us out and we had to climb halfway up this mountain to get away from them, eh?
BobWell, it's not really a mountain, it's a foothill.
DougOh yeah, like that made it a lot easier to climb up.
BobIt's not even really a foothill, it's like a big rock with trees and grass and stuff on it.
DougWell that's kinduv what a mountain is.
BobSo, here we are. In the middle of nowhere. What're we gonna do? They probably towed our van from the parking lot like five miles from here.
DougI think it was more than that.
BobAre you sure?
DougYeah, I drank a beer every mile. So here's a case of empties, I'd say we're twenty-four miles from civilization.
BobNo way, half of those are mine.
DougOkay. Twelve miles.
BobWe should go metric.
BobThen we could drink a beer every kilometre, not every mile.
BobSo... kilometres are shorter than miles!
DougAH! So we drink more beers.
BobExactly. What's the conversion factor to go from miles to kilos?
DougUh. Double it, and add thirty.
BobNo, get out! That's temperature.
DougSo, it's still metric.
BobOkay. So how many beers could we have had, professor Doug, assuming we drank twelve each?
DougUm. Hey! Are you implying one of us, possibly me, drank more than twelve?
BobWha? No, I'm just sayin' it makes the math easier...
DougMaybe it was you who drank all the beers!
BobHuh? No, it wasn't me, eh! I had twelve!
DougOkay, that sounds about right.
DougSo uh, twelve beers, that's... um.
BobTwelve kilometres.
DougRight. Uh. Twenty-four. Wow. And uh... thirty is... uh... holy smokes!
BothFifty-four beers!
BobWow. I'm switchin' to metric.
DougMe too. As soon as we get back to our van.
BobGeez, it's starting to get dark. What time is it?
DougUh, ten o'clock.
BobWhat would that be in metric?
DougFifty o'clock.
BobWell now that doesn't make sense.
DougNo, it's like next Tuesday in uh, the Metric Universe.
BobThe Metric Universe?
DougBeauty, eh?
BobStar Wars was out last month, you nobk!
DougSorry, eh? Geez, now I'm getting cold. How far do you figure we are from the van?
BobUm. I think the parking lot was a couple miles in the direction we're heading.
DougA couple miles? How many kilometres is that?
BobTwo... four...
DougTwo-four? Nice.
BobThirty-four. Aw man!
DougGeez. I don't like metric anymore.
BobMe neither. Back to the old system.
DougBeauty. So is that all for this issue?
DougHow did we manage to upload it if we're in the middle of nowhere?
BobUh. Wireless Internet.
DougHuh? From where?
BobThat tower I saw about five miles back. Didn't you see it?
DougNo! You mean the one next to where our van's parked?
BobUm. Yeah.
DougYou hoser!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is out on DVD now, eh! Like now there's three volumes out, covering the whole fourth season when we did our best work! And the fourth volume comes out in August, so take back your empties so you can afford to buy them, eh!