December, 2004 The Hoser Weather: Expect ice and snow this month. Watch out for the yellow stuff.
Vol. 8, No. 3

Hoser Jeopardy

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day! Welcome to Hoser Jeopardy!
Doug(humming Jeopardy theme) DOO DOO DOO DOO!
BobWhat the?
BobWhat're you doin'?!?!
DougI'm doin' the Jeopardy theme!
BobNo, I'm supposed to announce the show, and you don't do the theme until Final Jeopardy.
DougGeez. Start over.
BobOkay. Welcome to Hoser Jeopardy! I'm your host... uh... Bob Trebek.
DougBob Trebek?
BobAnd this is our contestant, Doug. Doug... uh... Jennings.
DougYeah. That's me.
BobOkay, Doug. You remember the rules since you've won this game like a hundred times before.
DougNo, refresh my memory, Bob.
BobOh. Um, well you pick one of the topics, and I give you a question in the form of an answer and you have to give your answer in the form of a question.
DougOkay, I gotta pick the amount too.
BobOh yeah, pick the amount then I'll give you the answer and you tell me the question. Got it?
DougYeah. See? I know more about the game than the host.
BobHoser. Let's see what the topics are. Um. (reads through cards) Canadian Beers, Pork Products, Disco, Snow, Donuts, and Potpourri.
DougI'll take Potpourri for a hundred, Alex.
BobThat's Bob!
DougOh yeah. I'll take Potpourri for a hundred, Bob.
BobHe was the American Secretary of State in 1790.
DougWhat? How am I supposed to know that?
BobNo, I'm sorry Doug, it was George Jefferson.
DougOh, right.
BobYou have the board.
DougUm. How about Canadian Beers for 500, Alex?
BobThat's Bob!
BobThis beer is named for its country of origin.
DougCanadian! Molson Canadian!
BobNo, I'm sorry Doug, your answer has to be in the form of a question!
DougUh. What is Canadian?
BobThat's right, but too late now. Hey, let's get to meet our contestants.
DougI'm the only one here.
BobSo Doug, tell us about yourself.
DougUm, I'm Doug McKenzie, and...
BobNo, you're Doug Jennings!
DougOh yeah. I'm Doug Jennings, and I have a hoseheaded brother named Bob.
BobWhat a coincidence! I have a hoseheaded brother named Doug!
DougTake off.
BobOkay, since you're in the hole by 600 dollars, it's your turn to pick another topic.
DougUm. Okay, let's see Snow for 100.
BobThese look like great big tennis rackets but you wear them over your shoes to walk on the snow.
DougSnowshoes? What are snowshoes?
DougSnow for 200, Alex.
BobIt's Bob!
DougBob. Right, I keep forgetting.
BobThis is made of snow and formed into a ball.
DougWhat is a snowball?
BobCorrect again!
DougSame topic, 300.
BobYou put these on your car to improve traction in the snow.
DougWhat are snow tires?
BobCorrect again! You're out of the hole!
DougSame topic, 400.
BobThis is a tracked vehicle with skis on the front for travel through the snow.
DougWhat is a Ski-doo? Uh, I mean a snowmobile! What is a snowmobile!?
BobJudges? (looks to one corner)
Doug(looks around, sees no one there) What are you looking at?
BobOkay! I think we can go with that! Keep going, Doug!
DougOkay, I'll take snow for 500, Alex.
BobThis is the Inuit word for snow.
BobBZZT! That sound means the round is over.
BobLet's see what the topic will be for Final Jeopardy.
DougWhat about Double Jeopardy?
BobWe don't have time.
DougOh, okay.
BobThe Final Jeopardy topic is Thermonuclear Physics. We'll be right back.
DougWhat? Back from what?
BobWe're on commercial break.
DougWe're not on TV, you hoser!
BobOkay, okay. Do you have your wager written down?
BobThis is the name of the particle that mediates the strong nuclear force. Contestants, you have 30 seconds.
DougI'm the only one here!
BobAnd go!
DougUh. Am I supposed to do the theme? Cause I gotta write down the answer.
BobOh. Um. Do you have the answer?
DougI have an answer.
BobOkay, uh. Let's start with you, Doug! What did you write down?
Doug"What is a nobkon?"
BobA nobkon?
BobThat's wrong. What did you wager?
DougTwo-thousand dollars.
BobWha? You only had 400 dollars!
DougYou didn't specify how much I could wager! I want my money back!
BobYou're not getting any money back. In fact, you owe me... uh... almost 2000 dollars!
DougI owe you? Take off!
BobYeah, well looks like your undefeated streak continues anyway. We need more contestants.
BobWe'll see you next month. Uh, same Jeopardy time, same Jeopardy station!
DougGood day, eh!
BobYeah, good day!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is out on DVD now, eh! So like if you have it then watch all our classic Great White North moments, and if you don't have it, then why not, eh? Go to your local store that sells DVDs and get it there before they decide to stop selling it!