October, 2004 The Hoser Weather: There's gonna be frosty nights this month in the Great White North so get all of the last vegetables out of your neighbour's garden before they freeze, eh!
Vol. 8, No. 1


by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSo, this month the topic is Thanksgiving.
DougYeah. Don't be confused, cause like if you're not living in Canada then you probably didn't realize that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving in October, and not in November like the Americans.
BobYeah, we had it first, which means we came up with it.
DougOr something like that. So we're gonna show you how to celebrate Thanksgiving, where we give thanks for the beer we have.
BobOkay, I'm gonna make a beer turkey. I saw this show on TV once where the guy took a can of beer and stuck it in a roasting chicken, then put them in the barbecue so the beer marinated the chicken. Now I'm gonna do the same with a turkey.
BobSo where's the turkey?
BobThe turkey I asked you to get.
DougWhat do you mean? I was with you all day!
BobOh great, so there's no turkey?
DougWell, you should have reminded me!
BobYou hoser! Now we have nothing to do for this show!
DougYeah we do. Just use this back bacon instead. (opens a pack of back bacon and puts it on the table)
Bob(piling it into a mound) Okay, okay. So, we need to make the back bacon look like a turkey.
DougYou need to do like Bugs Bunny does and form it into the shape of a big turkey or something and use two sticks of dynamite as the legs.
BobOnly if Elmer Fudd starts chasing you with his shotgun again.
DougWell if you weren't wearing that hat with the ear flaps I wouldn't have thought you were him.
BobYeah, maybe if you hadn't have drank all those beers. Anyway, I guess we'll cook this on the Coleman since we don't have a stove, and in the meantime Doug will tell us the story of Thanksgiving.
DougWha? Me?
BobYeah, you!
DougAw geez. Um. So a long time ago the pilgrims came to America and...
BobNo, no. That's the story of American Thanksgiving. Tell the story of Canadian Thanksgiving.
DougOh, okay. So like a long time ago the pilgrims came to Canada and said "geez, it's really cold here, eh!" and then they came across an Indian village and the Chief said "come to our village and we'll have a beer" but it was in Indian right so the pilgrims who were lead by Jacques Cartier thought he said "come with us to the village where will drink a Molson Canadian" so they thought the name of the whole country was Canada except for one guy who said "but I think it means that set of houses over there" and then the priest got mad and said "no, that's the name of the country" so that's the story of both how Canada got its name and the first Thanksgiving.
BobWow. That was amazing. So the beer was named first?
DougUh, yeah. Why do you think we drink beer on Thanksgiving?
BobWe drink beer every day.
DougFortunately for the Indians, it was October so they didn't have to put their beer in the fridge to keep it cold, they could just leave it outside since the fridge wouldn't be invented for another hundred years or something.
BobBut that wouldn't have worked this year since it's really warm out.
DougYeah, if it was this warm when the pilgrims came they wouldn't have been offered a Canadian when they got here and who knows? The country could have been called "Budweiser" or something.
BobThat would have sucked.
DougYeah. Hey, what's that burning?
BobGeez! The beer's on fire! (kicks the bottle off the table)
SFXBottle crashing on floor (the beer spilling out stops the label from smouldering)
DougUm. Okay, so next time we'll make sure to remove the label from the bottle before cooking the turkey with it.
BobYeah. Geez. I think I got dirt from my boots on the back bacon turkey.
DougYou're eating that slice.
BobTake off! Anyway, that's the Hoser for this month. Good day.
DougGood day, eh!

Seven Years Of The Hoser

by Bob and Doug McKenzie

BobOkay, like this is the beginning of our eighth year of the Hoser, so that means we've done seven already.
DougHuh? Shouldn't we have eight years if this is our eighth?
BobNo, remember our talk about Y2K?
DougOh yeah, I was wearing my "Why tuque, eh?"
BobYou're a nobk. It was cause the years didn't start at zero, so then even though it was 2000 it was only 1999 years since they started.
DougOh yeah. But why is this only our seventh year?
BobIt's not, it's our eighth year.
DougSo why is the article titled "Seven Years Of The Hoser"?
BobCause we just finished our seventh year, and are now starting our eighth.
DougOh. Okay, well that doesn't make sense to me so maybe I need to drink more beer. Hey, you know what?
DougThe word "eighth" looks weird spelled out like that.
BobHey, yeah it does!
DougBeauty, eh?
BobYeah. So that's our first 84 issues of the Hoser. Good day.
DougGood day, eh!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, came out on DVD in June, eh! So like if you have it then watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. And if you don't have it, then why not, eh? Check out the article and the review. And like later this month the second set of DVDs come out, so go get them too, eh!