June, 2004 The Hoser Weather: Expect warm weather this month. Drinking a lot of beer is advised so you stay cool, but also so you have an excuse to go to one of those big beer stores where all the cases of beer are stacked up in a big refrigerated room and you can get the cases yourself, eh?
Vol. 7, No. 9

DVD Players

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSo this month SCTV comes out on DVD, eh? So we figured this'd be a good time to get a DVD player, and that's our topic. Go.
DougOkay, first thing we did is to stick the DVD into our VCR, but that didn't work cause like our VCR is a top-loader, eh? So when hoser closed the lid the DVD got smashed. Good thing it was only a rented disc.
BobYeah. Grandma's gonna be mad when they send her a bill for it, since we used her membership card at the rental place.
DougYeah. So then we rented another one and put it in the CD player in the van.
BobOkay. The van doesn't have a TV so we disconnected the speakers and plugged the TV in. Um, like the left speaker goes to the VHF connectors on the back, and the right speaker goes to the UHF connectors.
DougIt actually worked, too.
BobTake off. No it didn't.
DougDo any of our readers actually know what VHF and UHF are?
BobMaybe. But at least they know the difference between left and right and you don't.
DougTake off.
BobWhen we're driving a van and there's a bunch of trees on the right and I say "go left", only a hosehead like you would turn into the trees.
DougYeah, well we don't drive around in corn fields trying not to be seen by farmers on tractors very often, so don't worry about it.
BobHoser. Geez. What were we talking about?
DougUm. DVDs.
BobOh right. So like we plugged the TV into the car stereo and put the DVD in. Then we turned the volume up and the TV exploded.
DougYeah, it looked pretty cool.
BobI know. I wish I had it on video.
DougOkay, so now we discovered that you need a special player to play DVDs. So like you go down to the big electronics store when they're havin' a sale right and take along a screwdriver with you, eh? Then like find a model that's sold out since it's on sale right but make sure there's still a display model out and then take the screwdriver and scratch it up a bit and maybe open it up and rearrange some parts, eh?
BobDon't worry, cause it'll still work. Most of the time.
DougYeah. So then like you find the sales guy with the suit on and say "hey, I like this model but it looks a little scratched up", right? And then like he says "oh, we can discount it a bit since it's a display model and it's already on sale so like you're getting a good deal, eh?"
BobBeauty. Tell them about the best part.
DougOh yeah. Then like you're saving so much money they're gonna wanna offer you the "extended warranty" or whatever. So if it's gonna cost less with the warranty than the whole thing did originally, then get it. Cause then after a year or so you can spill beer on it or run over it with the van or put it on the fryer when you're making backbacon and then take it down to the store and they'll replace it for like nothing, eh!
BobYeah, it's great. Just don't let them know that you do this.
DougOh geez. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it here.
BobOh yeah, maybe not.
DougOh well, too late now. It was Bob's idea.
BobIt was not, take off. So anyway, we got a new DVD player for real cheap.
DougYeah, now let's watch some cheap DVDs! (takes Strange Brew DVD out of its case)
BobOh beauty, eh!
BobOkay, movie time. Good day.
DougYeah, good day, eh! And if there's any cops or electronics store employees reading this, the whole warranty scam was Bob's idea.
BobTake off!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is gonna be out on DVD on the 8th of this month, eh! So like plan to get it and watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. Check out the article and the review, eh!

We're gonna get a copy sometime this month, so like watch this space for Bob and Doug McKenzie's review of the SCTV Network 90: Volume 1 DVD, eh?