March, 2004 The Hoser Weather: As you're reading this the snow's probably melting, eh! So that means you should be able to move the lawn mower that you forgot to put in the garage last fall.
Vol. 7, No. 6

Ice Fishing

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, welcome to The Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobOkay, like this month the topic is ice fishing.
DougYeah, and we're doin' it live from our ice hut right now, eh!
BobThis isn't our ice hut.
DougTake off, it is too.
BobNo way, it's our van!
DougOh. Well, okay. I guess technically it is our van. But like we converted it into an ice hut.
BobOh right. So like we took the tires off so it sits right on the ice and we drilled a hole and everything.
DougActually, I just kicked out some of the rust in the floor, eh?
BobYeah, I forgot. Okay, so welcome to our ice hut. This is great, cause like you can drive it out to the lake, take the tires off, then poof! Instant fishing hut.
DougBeauty, eh?
BobYeah, it's good.
DougYeah, and it's even got gas heating! Just leave the engine running.
BobBut remove the catalytic converter, otherwise it'll melt through the ice.
DougHow do you think that hole in the ice got there? We don't got an auger.
BobBeauty. Okay, remove the cat converter after you melt the hole in the ice to fish with.
DougAnd the muffler.
BobThe muffler melted a hole too?
DougNot as big since it wasn't as hot, but you can still fit a six-pack of cans down it.
BobOh yeah. Another thing: you can put a bit of string on the six-pack and attach it to the side of the van, then lower it down the hole, that'll keep your beer cold.
DougYeah, that's a good idea. So here we are in our fishing hut. It's real cold outside, but we're here where it's nice and warm.
BobThose hosers can have their little huts, we've got padded seats and everything in the van.
DougWe even got an eight-track player.
DougSo how many fish have you caught?
BobI dunno, like a hundred.
DougThe possession limit is fifty, eh?
BobOh. Okay. I caught fifty.
DougIn case the Ministry guys are reading this?
DougThen I should mention that you can only catch twenty-five at a time!
BobOh, take off. I meant to say twenty-five, eh! I got like twenty-five more at home but they were caught on a different occasion, just in case you were gonna search our freezer, eh!
DougYeah, don't steal our fish you hosers. Get your own rusty van and catch them yourself.
BobGeez, don't call the Ministry guys "hosers"! They're gonna find us and...
DougHey, I got something on my line!
BobWell pull it up!
Doug(pulls mud and slime covered object out of the hole) What is it?
Bob(grabs line and dips it in the water a few times) I dunno. It's like a lost treasure or something. See, there's metal in there.
DougHey, it's a six-pack of cans!
BobI recognize these. These are the ones we lost here last year! Told you it was a lost treasure.
DougSNORK! I wonder if they're still good. (removes a can and opens it)
BobHow is it?
Doug(taking sip) Cold. But pretty good.
BobBeauty! This is the catch of the day. (opens his own can)
DougYeah. Hey!
DougYou were gonna say something about the Ministry guys.
BobOh yeah, they're gonna come out here and get mad at us cause like our hut is made out of a metal van.
BobSo, it's gonna warm up real fast in the sun.
DougUh oh.
BobWhat was that?
DougI think we're melting the ice.
BobLet's get out of here!
DougBeauty! (They open the side door of the van and run out. Seconds later the van starts sinking.)
BobAh geez. Not again.
DougI guess that's the topic for this month.
BobYeah. Good day!
DougGood day, eh!
BobHey, all our fish are still in there.
DougI guess that means we're not over our limit anymore, eh!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is gonna be out on DVD in June, eh! So like plan to get it and watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. Check out the article and the review, eh!