February, 2004 The Hoser Weather: Winter will be one day longer, cause it's a leap year. Geez. They should move the extra day to July or something, that way summer will be one day longer instead.
Vol. 7, No. 5

Leap Years

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, welcome to The Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSince like this year is a leap year, and this is February, that means this month is a leap month. So that's our topic.
DougThat's it?
BobNo, no! We're gonna talk about leap years.
DougOh yeah, right. So since February is the shortest month right they decided to put an extra day in it every four years and that's called the leap day.
BobThat's February 29th.
DougThanks. Yeah, and my question is "why?", eh?
DougIs it cause it's a short month? They felt bad for it but only had enough days once every four years to add one more day to it?
BobNo, take off. It's cause the earth goes around the sun, right? But then like every time it goes around the sun it takes more than a day to do it.
DougOf course it's more than a day. It's 365 days, you hoser.
BobNo, it takes 365 and a quarter days to go around the sun.
DougOh, so every four years they add one to February.
DougSo I was right, they only have enough days every four years.
BobYeah, but they don't feel sorry for February. It's only a month, it's not like it's a person or something.
DougBut it was named after a person. Maybe they felt sorry for him.
BobFebruary wasn't named after a person!
DougSure it was! July was named after Julius Caesar, who invented a drink with Clamato juice and vodka.
BobNo, he invented the salad. The Clamato was invented later.
DougOkay, whatever. And August was named after Augustus Caesar.
BobMaybe he invented the Clamato.
DougHey, good point.
BobOkay, that's great. But who was February named after?
BobYou don't know.
DougFebrius Caesar.
DougHe was Emperor of Rome in 1972.
Bob1972 AD?
DougYeah. That was a leap year, so they named the month after him.
BobYou're tuquing my underpants.
DougAm not.
BobI was alive in 1972, and we called it February before then.
DougNo, it was something different. I'm older, I should know, eh!
BobOkay, what did they call it?
DougUm. It was just the second half of January.
BobThe second half of January?
BobThat was the month's name?
DougNo, you hoser. They just kept going with the numbers.
BobOkay. So the 1st of February used to be called January 32nd?
BobYeah, right.
DougI'm serious!
BobYou're making this up as you go along.
DougNo, it's a generally accepted fact.
BobYou're a hoser.
DougYou're a hoser.
BobYou're a double-hoser.
DougA double-hoser?
DougI've never heard that one before.
BobThat's cause you're the only one.
DougAm not!
BobAre too!
DougAre too? R2D2!
BobGeez. Now we're out of time cause of you.
DougNo, take off, we can't be.
BobYeah, look at the clock.
DougAw geez. So I guess that's the show for today. Good day.
BobGood day, eh!
DougSo is the year really 365 and a quarter days long?
BobYeah. The sun moves faster than the earth, or something.
DougHow did you know that?
BobUh, I saw it in Star Trek once.
DougAw, you did not! Now you're tuquing my underpants!
BobOh, so you admit you were trying to fool me with the Febrius Caesar, eh?
DougIt could be true.
BobBut it's not.
DougGeez. Take off!