February, 2004 | Weather: Winter will be one day longer, cause it's a leap year. Geez. They should move the extra day to July or something, that way summer will be one day longer instead. | |
Vol. 7, No. 5 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Okay, good day, welcome to The Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
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Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | Since like this year is a leap year, and this is February, that means this month is a leap month. So that's our topic. |
Doug | That's it? |
Bob | No, no! We're gonna talk about leap years. |
Doug | Oh yeah, right. So since February is the shortest month right they decided to put an extra day in it every four years and that's called the leap day. |
Bob | That's February 29th. |
Doug | Thanks. Yeah, and my question is "why?", eh? |
Bob | Um. |
Doug | Is it cause it's a short month? They felt bad for it but only had enough days once every four years to add one more day to it? |
Bob | No, take off. It's cause the earth goes around the sun, right? But then like every time it goes around the sun it takes more than a day to do it. |
Doug | Of course it's more than a day. It's 365 days, you hoser. |
Bob | No, it takes 365 and a quarter days to go around the sun. |
Doug | Oh, so every four years they add one to February. |
Bob | Yeah. |
Doug | So I was right, they only have enough days every four years. |
Bob | Yeah, but they don't feel sorry for February. It's only a month, it's not like it's a person or something. |
Doug | But it was named after a person. Maybe they felt sorry for him. |
Bob | February wasn't named after a person! |
Doug | Sure it was! July was named after Julius Caesar, who invented a drink with Clamato juice and vodka. |
Bob | No, he invented the salad. The Clamato was invented later. |
Doug | Okay, whatever. And August was named after Augustus Caesar. |
Bob | Maybe he invented the Clamato. |
Doug | Hey, good point. |
Bob | Okay, that's great. But who was February named after? |
Doug | Um. |
Bob | You don't know. |
Doug | Febrius Caesar. |
Bob | Who?!?! |
Doug | He was Emperor of Rome in 1972. |
Bob | 1972 AD? |
Doug | Yeah. That was a leap year, so they named the month after him. |
Bob | You're tuquing my underpants. |
Doug | Am not. |
Bob | I was alive in 1972, and we called it February before then. |
Doug | No, it was something different. I'm older, I should know, eh! |
Bob | Okay, what did they call it? |
Doug | Um. It was just the second half of January. |
Bob | The second half of January? |
Doug | Yeah. |
Bob | That was the month's name? |
Doug | No, you hoser. They just kept going with the numbers. |
Bob | Okay. So the 1st of February used to be called January 32nd? |
Doug | Exactly. |
Bob | Yeah, right. |
Doug | I'm serious! |
Bob | You're making this up as you go along. |
Doug | No, it's a generally accepted fact. |
Bob | You're a hoser. |
Doug | You're a hoser. |
Bob | You're a double-hoser. |
Doug | A double-hoser? |
Bob | Yeah. |
Doug | I've never heard that one before. |
Bob | That's cause you're the only one. |
Doug | Am not! |
Bob | Are too! |
Doug | Are too? R2D2! |
Bob | Geez. Now we're out of time cause of you. |
Doug | No, take off, we can't be. |
Bob | Yeah, look at the clock. |
Doug | Aw geez. So I guess that's the show for today. Good day. |
Bob | Good day, eh! |
Doug | So is the year really 365 and a quarter days long? |
Bob | Yeah. The sun moves faster than the earth, or something. |
Doug | How did you know that? |
Bob | Uh, I saw it in Star Trek once. |
Doug | Aw, you did not! Now you're tuquing my underpants! |
Bob | Oh, so you admit you were trying to fool me with the Febrius Caesar, eh? |
Doug | It could be true. |
Bob | But it's not. |
Doug | Geez. Take off! |
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The Hoser |
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