The Hoser

January, 2004		Weather: It's January. Make sure you unplug your outdoor Christmas lights before your neighbour notices that you plugged them into his outlet and not yours, eh!
Vol. 7, No. 4

Confusion

by Bob McKenzie, Editor

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor

Bob	(waking up) Geez. What the?
Doug	(still asleep) GSRAAKZKZKZRRR!!
Bob	Hey! Hoser, wake up!
Doug	GRRK!! Take off!
Bob	Wake up, you nobk!
Doug	You take the trash out! GZZSRK! (wakes up) Wha? Where? Who?
Bob	You 'wake?
Doug	Geez. I am now. What happened?
Bob	Last I remember it was New Year's Eve.
Doug	Me too. Where are we?
Bob	Hey, we're in the studio!
Doug	How'd we get here?
Bob	I don't know.
Doug	Look at all the empties. We must have come here after that party we were at.
Bob	I seem to remember being kicked out after we finished their keg.
Doug	Well, they should have charged for the beer, eh!
Bob	They did. We didn't pay, and that's why we got kicked out.
Doug	Geez, that all sounds familiar, eh!
Bob	(looks at the boots he's wearing) Hey, look, hoser! I've got two left feet!
Doug	I seem to remember you were dancing last night, too.
Bob	No, I mean I'm wearing two left boots!
Doug	I think you were dancing with the keg. (looks at own feet) Hey! I've got two right feet!
Bob	Someone stole my right boot and replaced it with a left one!
Doug	Big deal! Someone stole my left boot and replaced it with a right one!
Bob	Geez. You know what? I'm wearing your left boot and you're wearing my right one.
Doug	Hey, you might be right.
Bob	(pulling off boot) Here, I'll trade you.
Doug	(taking off boot) Take off! I'm not wearing something you had on your feet!
Bob	You already did!
Doug	Oh yeah. Hey, do you think we swapped socks, too?
Bob	Socks? How can you get two left socks?
Doug	Um.
Bob	That was dumb.
Doug	Take off.
Bob	Hey! Look!
Doug	Wha?
Bob	(points at camera) The light's on! We're rollin'!
Doug	Wha? Huh? Hey!
Bob	Uh. Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
Doug	How's it goin', eh?
Bob	Um. We're not sure what day it is at all, and like I've got a beauty of a headache.
Doug	Me too.
Bob	So like we don't have a topic or anything. Quick, hoser, come up with a topic.
Doug	I don't think we have time now.
Bob	Um. Okay, the topic is boots. You've already heard what we had to say, we'll edit that in post-production so it looks like that was really our topic from the beginning.
Doug	We have post-production?
Bob	I thought we did.
Doug	I thought we were live.
Bob	Uh oh.
Doug	Hoser.
Bob	So anyway, for those of you just joining us, we've got the right boots on the right feet now.
Doug	And the left boots on the left feet.
Bob	Beauty.
Doug	Toes.
Bob	Huh?
Doug	Your big toe stretches out the sock, that's how you can tell the left sock from the right sock.
Bob	Geez.
Doug	(holds up foot) See, you wear the socks for a few days and the big toe stretches it out. Then like the next day when you put them on again and they're on backwards you can tell cause like your baby toe has all sorts of space and feels weird and the sock bunches up when you put your boots on and it's real uncomfortable and then your big toe presses on the part of the sock where your baby toe was the day before and the toenail ends up ripping it, eh!
Bob	That's amazing.
Doug	I know.
Bob	But your feet still stink. Put your boots back on.
Doug	Hoser.
Bob	So anyway, that's our topic for this month. Good day.
Doug	Good day, eh!
Bob	You know, if you washed your socks, you wouldn't have that problem.
Doug	Well, at least I wash my underwear and you don't.
Bob	I do too. Take off!

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Confusion

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