January, 2004 The Hoser Weather: It's January. Make sure you unplug your outdoor Christmas lights before your neighbour notices that you plugged them into his outlet and not yours, eh!
Vol. 7, No. 4


by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

Bob(waking up) Geez. What the?
Doug(still asleep) GSRAAKZKZKZRRR!!
BobHey! Hoser, wake up!
DougGRRK!! Take off!
BobWake up, you nobk!
DougYou take the trash out! GZZSRK! (wakes up) Wha? Where? Who?
BobYou 'wake?
DougGeez. I am now. What happened?
BobLast I remember it was New Year's Eve.
DougMe too. Where are we?
BobHey, we're in the studio!
DougHow'd we get here?
BobI don't know.
DougLook at all the empties. We must have come here after that party we were at.
BobI seem to remember being kicked out after we finished their keg.
DougWell, they should have charged for the beer, eh!
BobThey did. We didn't pay, and that's why we got kicked out.
DougGeez, that all sounds familiar, eh!
Bob(looks at the boots he's wearing) Hey, look, hoser! I've got two left feet!
DougI seem to remember you were dancing last night, too.
BobNo, I mean I'm wearing two left boots!
DougI think you were dancing with the keg. (looks at own feet) Hey! I've got two right feet!
BobSomeone stole my right boot and replaced it with a left one!
DougBig deal! Someone stole my left boot and replaced it with a right one!
BobGeez. You know what? I'm wearing your left boot and you're wearing my right one.
DougHey, you might be right.
Bob(pulling off boot) Here, I'll trade you.
Doug(taking off boot) Take off! I'm not wearing something you had on your feet!
BobYou already did!
DougOh yeah. Hey, do you think we swapped socks, too?
BobSocks? How can you get two left socks?
BobThat was dumb.
DougTake off.
BobHey! Look!
Bob(points at camera) The light's on! We're rollin'!
DougWha? Huh? Hey!
BobUh. Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobUm. We're not sure what day it is at all, and like I've got a beauty of a headache.
DougMe too.
BobSo like we don't have a topic or anything. Quick, hoser, come up with a topic.
DougI don't think we have time now.
BobUm. Okay, the topic is boots. You've already heard what we had to say, we'll edit that in post-production so it looks like that was really our topic from the beginning.
DougWe have post-production?
BobI thought we did.
DougI thought we were live.
BobUh oh.
BobSo anyway, for those of you just joining us, we've got the right boots on the right feet now.
DougAnd the left boots on the left feet.
DougYour big toe stretches out the sock, that's how you can tell the left sock from the right sock.
Doug(holds up foot) See, you wear the socks for a few days and the big toe stretches it out. Then like the next day when you put them on again and they're on backwards you can tell cause like your baby toe has all sorts of space and feels weird and the sock bunches up when you put your boots on and it's real uncomfortable and then your big toe presses on the part of the sock where your baby toe was the day before and the toenail ends up ripping it, eh!
BobThat's amazing.
DougI know.
BobBut your feet still stink. Put your boots back on.
BobSo anyway, that's our topic for this month. Good day.
DougGood day, eh!
BobYou know, if you washed your socks, you wouldn't have that problem.
DougWell, at least I wash my underwear and you don't.
BobI do too. Take off!