November, 2003 The Hoser Weather: Since it's less than ten weeks 'til Christmas, turn your outdoor Christmas lights on just to annoy your neighbours.
Vol. 7, No. 2


by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, welcome to The Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobThis month the topic is boots.
DougYeah, since we melted ours, eh!
BobDon't ask how.
DougWe already told them, remember? Two months ago, we talked about the forest fire we almost started.
BobOh yeah. To all cops reading this, that explosion wasn't us, eh!
DougTake off, I think they've forgotten about it!
BobYeah, good point. Um, so our topic this month is boots.
DougAnd just to clarify, we're not talking about bootlegging, either!
BobGeez! Don't tell the cops we're doing that too, eh?
DougYou just told them, you nobk!
BobOh geez, sorry! To all cops reading this, we're not the guys makin' beer in our basement and selling it!
DougThat was two other guys who looked like us.
BobYeah, I think they're trying to frame us by using our names, so if you hear about Bob and Doug selling beer, then like it's not us, it's someone else.
BobAnd also, that wasn't us sneaking into the movie theatre with a video camera.
DougI think it was the same two guys who was framin' us for the beer!
BobYeah. Someone who is not us is selling the movies on the Internet, too.
DougWe should find those two guys!
BobHey, good idea! That way the cops will know it's not us!
DougYeah, it worked for O.J. Simpson.
DougYeah, so back to our original topic, we melted our boots putting out the fire, right?
BobLike Doug's were still soft when we drove home and got stuck to the pedals in the van, right, so like now you have to take your shoes off and put on his boots to drive the thing!
DougThat's okay, they're my boots.
BobBut they smell bad!
DougYeah, that's cause they caught fire!
BobI don't mean the smell of burnt rubber, I mean the stench from your feet!
DougTake off, eh!
BobSo anyway, I'm gonna get me a crowbar or something and pry them off the pedals so we can drive the van again. And then I'm gonna use the crowbar on my hoseheaded brother's head.
BobYou're a hoser.
DougWell at least I'm not ignorant and you are.
DougSo anyway, it's November, we live in the Great White North, it's gonna snow and we have no boots. What're we gonna do?
BobUm. We can steal them from those two guys who are pretending to be us!
DougNo, take off! We gotta get them from real people.
BobOkay, let's hock something and use the cash to buy a couple good pairs of boots.
DougHow 'bout the video camera?
BobNaw, we need that for the bootlegs.
DougYeah, the bootlegs that we are not doing.
DougHey, why don't we take our empties back? There's more than enough money there.
BobNaw, we need them to put our own beer in.
DougThe beer that we are not selling to people.
DougLet's just use dad's beer money. He's gonna kick us outa the house before the end of the month anyway.
BobOkay, beauty idea, eh! Let's go find the shoe store and get some new boots.
DougHey, let's go see a movie when we're done!
BobYeah, that new Matrix movie is out, eh!
DougOkay, don't forget the video camera.
BobThe one those two guys planted on us to make it look like we were going to videotape the Matrix and sell the copies on the Internet?
DougYeah, that's the one!
BobOkay, just making sure. Let's go!
DougGood day, everyone!
BobGood day, eh?!