August, 2004 The Hoser Weather: It's gonna be warm this month so soak your tuque and parka and boots and keep them in the freezer so when you wear them outdoors you'll stay cool.
Vol. 7, No. 11

Bob and Doug on Strike!

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSo like this month we're on strike!
DougYeah, don't talk to us, we're goin' on strike and we shouldn't even be here.
BobWe're not saying anything. Good day!
YouWhy are you going on strike?
DougCause like the hockey players are and we think that if there's not gonna be any hockey this season then there's no point in writing the Hoser.
BobNo, don't talk to our readers, eh! They're gonna trick us into doing this episode.
YouI wouldn't do that, Bob.
BobOh, okay.
YouSo tell me, what are your demands?
BobWe want more pay.
DougYeah, at least double what we're getting now.
BobYeah, double.
YouHow much are you making now?
BobWhat? No, he means he's going to tell you nothing. Cause like under our collective bargaining agreement we aren't supposed to disclose our salaries.
YouYour what?
DougYeah, what? We don't have a bargaining agreement.
BobTake off, we do too!
YouYou do not.
DougOur readers are right, eh!
BobOkay, so we don't have one. That's why we're going on strike.
DougHey, are you sure you're not trying to trick us into doing a full issue of the Hoser?
YouYeah, I'm sure.
BobOh, okay.
DougYeah, you better not.
YouDon't worry. So aside from the salary issue, what other demands has your union made to your employers?
DougMore beer.
BobOh yeah. More beer. And donuts.
DougYeah, a dozen donuts per issue.
BobPer day.
DougA dozen donuts per day. At least six of which are jelly filled.
BobAnd I demand that we get the donuts separately, since otherwise my hosehead brother will eat all six jellies and then there'll be none left for me!
DougTake off!
BobYou take off, cause you know it's true!
DougIt is not.
DougWe also demand backbacon, and a free camp stove from Canadian Tire in case our current one gets busted.
BobBeauty demand. I think we've made our point to management, that they can't boss us around anymore.
YouSo why should your employers cave in to your demands? It's not like they're making any money off this either.
DougUm. Cause if there's no hockey season then they'll have to pay us for their entertainment.
YouYou realize that if there's a hockey strike most of the players will play in Europe and they'll broadcast the games from there, right?
BobOh yeah, I heard about that.
DougWell then I guess we don't have to go on strike.
BobYeah. So what's the topic for this month?
DougUh. I didn't make one up.
BobWhy not?
DougCause I thought we'd be on strike.
BobGeez! You hoser!
DougWhat, me?
BobOh wait. We're out of space.
DougOut of space? Hey, you did trick us!
YouNo, it wasn't me!
DougYou hoser!
BobNo! Don't call our readers hosers, you hoser! They'll leave, eh!
DougOh sorry.
BobSo anyway, we're out of space. Good day.
DougGood day, eh!
BobHey, we're out of beer.
DougI guess we should get some more. Let's go to the beer store!
YouYou better hope they're not on strike!
BobOh geez! Quick, before they go on strike! (they leave)
YouGeez. What a bunch of hosers!


by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, came out on DVD in June, eh! So like if you have it then watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. And if you don't have it, then why not, eh? Check out the article and the review. And like in October the second set of DVDs come out, so go get them too, eh!