May, 2003 | Weather: Tonight there's a hundred percent chance it'll be dark, eh! | |
Vol. 6, No. 8 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug! |
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Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | This month the topic is laundry, cause like as you can see we're doing The Hoser from a laundromat, eh! |
Doug | Wha? They can't see us! |
Bob | Oh yeah. Well, imagine us in a laundromat. That's what we look like right now. |
Doug | Yeah. This is a lot like washing the van, except the soaper machines are smaller and like it's hard to get a soaker if your window is rolled down. |
Bob | Hey, I wonder if these things work with the window open! (plays with door) |
SFX | crunching sound |
Bob | Um. |
Doug | I didn't break the door, it was my brother! He's an anarchist and he wants to wreck the place! |
Bob | No way! |
Doug | Kick him out, eh! |
Bob | Take off! |
Doug | (looks and points at floor) Hey, you didn't break the door. That was a piece of soap you stepped on. |
Bob | (looks at shoe) Oh yeah. Phew! Hey, did you bring soap? |
Doug | Yeah, right here. (pulls out bottle of soap) |
Bob | That's for washing cars! |
Doug | I know, I told you this was like washing the van! |
Bob | (looks at bottle) This has wax in it! |
Doug | So? It's like fabric softener. |
Bob | Really? |
Doug | Yeah! |
Bob | Geez, I didn't know that. Okay, you got your laundry sorted? |
Doug | Yeah, it's all right here. (picks some clothes up) |
Bob | (looks at clothes) What is that? Swiss cheese?!? |
Doug | Huh? Naw, it's just my underwear, it has some holes in it, eh? |
Bob | That's disgusting! I'm not washing my underwear in the same machine as your underwear, eh! |
Doug | Well fine! You can put yours in with our shirts and they'll turn pink and everyone will say "there goes Bob McKenzie, the guy who wears pink underwear", eh? |
Bob | They will not. They won't even know it's pink! |
Doug | Yeah they will. Right after I pull your pants down and show them! |
Bob | Geez! Alright, alright. You're always bossin' me around. |
Doug | You should have thought of that and been born first! |
Bob | Hoser. |
Doug | You're a hoser. What order are we doing things in? |
Bob | Um. We're washing the clothes, then drying them. Unlike last time. |
Doug | No, you nobk! What are we gonna do first? Underwear and socks and stuff, or like shirts and pants? |
Bob | Oh, right. We may as well do my underwear and your Swiss cheese first. |
Doug | Okay, eh! (throws socks and underwear into washer) |
Bob | So, uh, like what else is there to say about doing laundry? |
Doug | Uh, make sure you have enough quarters for all the machines. Cause they're like expensive, right? (pulls several handfuls of quarters out of pockets) |
Bob | Where'd you get all those quarters? You didn't steal them, did you? |
Doug | Naw, there's a change machine right over there. |
Bob | Huh? But where'd you get the money? |
Doug | Oh, it's dad's beer money. |
Bob | Wha? You're usin' dad's beer money to do our laundry?! |
Doug | Yeah, so? |
Bob | So? Aren't you worried he's gonna be ticked with you? |
Doug | Naw. I already told him it was your idea. |
Bob | Get out! |
Doug | Well, I tried to stop you, but you insisted. |
Bob | You nobk! |
Doug | Dad's makin' you sleep in the van tonight! |
Bob | Take off, YOU HOSER! |
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2003 Chris "Bob" Odorjan