May, 2003 The Hoser Weather: Tonight there's a hundred percent chance it'll be dark, eh!
Vol. 6, No. 8

Laundry Day

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug!
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobThis month the topic is laundry, cause like as you can see we're doing The Hoser from a laundromat, eh!
DougWha? They can't see us!
BobOh yeah. Well, imagine us in a laundromat. That's what we look like right now.
DougYeah. This is a lot like washing the van, except the soaper machines are smaller and like it's hard to get a soaker if your window is rolled down.
BobHey, I wonder if these things work with the window open! (plays with door)
SFXcrunching sound
DougI didn't break the door, it was my brother! He's an anarchist and he wants to wreck the place!
BobNo way!
DougKick him out, eh!
BobTake off!
Doug(looks and points at floor) Hey, you didn't break the door. That was a piece of soap you stepped on.
Bob(looks at shoe) Oh yeah. Phew! Hey, did you bring soap?
DougYeah, right here. (pulls out bottle of soap)
BobThat's for washing cars!
DougI know, I told you this was like washing the van!
Bob(looks at bottle) This has wax in it!
DougSo? It's like fabric softener.
BobGeez, I didn't know that. Okay, you got your laundry sorted?
DougYeah, it's all right here. (picks some clothes up)
Bob(looks at clothes) What is that? Swiss cheese?!?
DougHuh? Naw, it's just my underwear, it has some holes in it, eh?
BobThat's disgusting! I'm not washing my underwear in the same machine as your underwear, eh!
DougWell fine! You can put yours in with our shirts and they'll turn pink and everyone will say "there goes Bob McKenzie, the guy who wears pink underwear", eh?
BobThey will not. They won't even know it's pink!
DougYeah they will. Right after I pull your pants down and show them!
BobGeez! Alright, alright. You're always bossin' me around.
DougYou should have thought of that and been born first!
DougYou're a hoser. What order are we doing things in?
BobUm. We're washing the clothes, then drying them. Unlike last time.
DougNo, you nobk! What are we gonna do first? Underwear and socks and stuff, or like shirts and pants?
BobOh, right. We may as well do my underwear and your Swiss cheese first.
DougOkay, eh! (throws socks and underwear into washer)
BobSo, uh, like what else is there to say about doing laundry?
DougUh, make sure you have enough quarters for all the machines. Cause they're like expensive, right? (pulls several handfuls of quarters out of pockets)
BobWhere'd you get all those quarters? You didn't steal them, did you?
DougNaw, there's a change machine right over there.
BobHuh? But where'd you get the money?
DougOh, it's dad's beer money.
BobWha? You're usin' dad's beer money to do our laundry?!
DougYeah, so?
BobSo? Aren't you worried he's gonna be ticked with you?
DougNaw. I already told him it was your idea.
BobGet out!
DougWell, I tried to stop you, but you insisted.
BobYou nobk!
DougDad's makin' you sleep in the van tonight!
BobTake off, YOU HOSER!