April, 2003 The Hoser Weather: It's raining outside. Geez. If it's raining, then it must be outside since it doesn't usually rain inside, eh?
Vol. 6, No. 7


by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug!
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is taxes. Go, eh!
DougOkay, like it's April right? So like Canadians are supposed to do their taxes this month, eh?
BobAnd Americans, too.
BobThey do theirs on the 15th.
DougOf April?
DougGeez. We get until the 30th.
BobYeah, talk about cheezwiz, eh?
DougWhy don't they have 15 more days like we do?
BobI dunno. Maybe something to do with the strength of their beer.
DougSo Canadian beer is stronger so we're more drunk and need more time to finish our taxes?
BobYeah, something like that.
DougOkay, that makes sense. So anyway, like this month we do our taxes. Well, we don't do our taxes, we don't make any money.
BobNot legally, at least.
DougTake off! You're not supposed to tell them about how we bootleg movies!
BobWha? I didn't tell them we bootleg movies! YOU just did!
BobThink the cops are reading this?
DougNaw, they're too busy at the donut shop.
DougOkay, all cops at donut shops, like take off! You go in there at like three in the morning just before we do and like you take all the good donuts right so all that's left are the weird ones like jelly filled.
BobHey, those aren't weird! I like them!
DougYeah well then that makes you weird, too.
BobTake off.
DougSo anyway, all cops should buy like croissants or stuff we don't eat and leave the donuts for us right? And another thing, like you're supposed to be fighting crime right so like don't give us any more speeding tickets cause like we're in a hurry sometimes to get to the beer store and if it weren't illegal we'd have flashing lights and sirens on our van right so like take off.
BobHey, I thought we were talking about taxes!
DougWe are!
BobThen how did it become a discussion of cops?
DougCause like we were talking about our movie bootlegs and hoping the cops wouldn't find out.
BobHey, stop talking about the bootlegs!
DougOh sorry, eh!
BobWell geez.
DougOkay, like if we did make any money...
BobWhich we don't.
Doug...then we'd be doing our taxes this month. And like you need the forms and stuff from the post office, eh!
BobSo like how come they send guys with shorts on to deliver the mail but can't deliver the forms to us?
DougMaybe they send it to people who've done their taxes before, I don't know. We don't do our taxes, cause we have no income.
BobNo legal income.
DougTake off, you're not supposed to talk about that!
BobSorry, eh!
DougUm. So like then you get the forms and have to figure out where all the numbers and stuff are supposed to go and if there's a beer credit or something and then you add and subtract and multiply and divide and stuff right and like it's real hard eh and then you find out you owe the government money so you change your name and move to like Lethbridge or someplace like that so the revenue cops won't find you, eh!
BobRevenue cops? Lethbridge?!
BobBeauty! Hey, you didn't change your name, did you? Like you're really my brother, right?
DougIf I weren't really your brother, then I wouldn't admit to it, eh!
BobOh, beauty! Hey, wait a minute...
DougSo anyway, that's how we do our taxes. If we did our taxes.
BobBut we have no income so we don't have to.
DougWell, no legal income.
BobTake off, you hoser!

The Animated Adventures of Bob and Doug McKenzie

by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Okay eh like we're gonna be in our own cartoon eh but like we don't have a network or any other TV station to show it right so like until it makes it to TV get out your DVD copy of Strange Brew and watch the trailer for "The Animated Adventures of Bob and Doug McKenzie" right or like if you don't have a DVD player then maybe this is a good excuse to get one or at least find a friend who does and if you do have a DVD player but don't have the Strange Brew DVD then like you should go down to the store right now or as soon as it opens right and buy yourself a copy but any way you do it make sure you read this article first eh!