March, 2003 The Hoser Weather: Okay, so like this whole issue is about the weather, so read it instead of this, eh! Take off! Go down to read the articles! Stop reading the weather part!
Vol. 6, No. 6

Winter Continues

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, so like, what's with the weather we're havin' lately, eh?
DougWha? Aren't you gonna start off like normal?
BobHuh? Oh yeah. Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug!
BobGEEZ! What the?!?!
BobWhat was that for? We're on the Internet, not on the air!
DougOh yeah. Geez. Sorry, eh!
BobSo anyway, what's with this weather, eh? Like I don't know where all the hosers who read this live, but if any of them are in like this half of Canada or maybe even the northen part of the States, then like you know what I'm talking about, eh?
DougYeah, like it's the beginning of March but like it's real cold out so stay inside and don't go out, even to go to work.
BobYeah, stay home from work.
DougUnless you work at the donut shop, cause like maybe it'll get warmer, eh? And like then we'll go out and want some donuts right but then when we get to the donut place then like you won't be there and then your boss will be mad at you, eh?
BobSame with the beer store.
DougYeah. Go to work if you work at the beer store or the donut place. Otherwise stay home.
DougThanks, eh?
BobOkay, is that it?
DougUm, I think so.
BobThat's not enough for an article.
DougOkay, eh? Like maybe you want to explain why it's so cold then, eh?
BobWha? No way!
DougYeah! Folks, this is my hosehead brother... Doctor Bob McKenzie! He's like a professor of meteorology or something, eh!
BobOf what?
BobWhat's that, like the study of meteors, or what?
DougNo, like rain and stuff, you moron.
BobOh, so I'm like a professor of weather forecasting, then?
DougSomething like that.
BobBeauty. Okay, so I'm Doctor Bob, and here's why it's so cold.
BobThere's like an arctic low movin' in over like Lethbridge, eh? But then like here comes a... pretend I've got one of those screens, eh? Like I'm standing in front of it and it shows like a map...
DougYeah, yeah. Go, eh!
BobOkay, like a map and here's the, uh... Gulf of Mexico...
DougThat's like the name of the golf course in Mexico.
BobTake off. Here's a warm front movin' in from the Gulf of Mexico and it's comin' in. Look out, arctic low!
DougUh oh.
BobAnd like they collide right over our hose here.
DougOur hose?
BobGeez. Our house, hoser.
DougYou can't even talk! How'd you become a weatherman?
BobWell, you gave me the job, eh! So anyway, here's where they meet, right over our house, and like that's where the cold weather comes from.
DougOkay, now that made absolutely no sense.
BobIt didn't?
DougYeah. Did you make that up?
BobYeah! I guess all those years of watching the Weather Network while we were drinking paid off, eh!
DougYeah, like maybe not, eh! I'm rescinding your degree! You're no longer a meteorologist!
BobRescinding?!?! What are you, an English major now?
DougYeah, maybe!
BobYou hardly speak the language!
DougBetter than you!
BobTake off.
DougYou take off.
BobYeah, well you're a hoser!
DougSo are you!
DougHey, look out the window!
BobWha? It better not be snowing, eh!
DougNo, look! It's starting to melt!
BobLet's go get some donuts!
DougSounds like a plan. Good day, eh!
BobGood day.