February, 2003 The Hoser Weather: So like if the groundhog saw his shadow then like that means there's six more weeks of winter, right? But like, look at a calendar. There's seven weeks from February 2nd until March 21st, when spring officially begins. So like maybe when the groundhog sees his shadow it's a good thing, eh?
Vol. 6, No. 5

February: Still The Shortest Month

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobOkay, like a long time ago, right? Like five years ago, we wrote an article on February, and why it sucks cause like it's the shortest month, eh?
DougYeah, so here's more reasons why it sucks.
BobOkay, like we noticed that if you're paying something monthly, like rent, or the cable bill, or something, right? It should be cheaper in February, cause like February has fewer days than any of the other months.
DougEven in a leap year, eh?
DougOkay, and like we tried paying the cable company less for this time last year, and they said "too bad, you hosers" and cut off our cable until we paid the whole thing.
BobYeah, we missed a Star Trek marathon cause of that. Took a lot of time to figure out how much less we should pay them, especially since hosehead here flunked out of math class three times in high school.
DougTake off. You failed twice.
BobYeah, well I'm surprised you can count that high.
DougHoser. Anyway, another reason why February sucks is cause like you ever get those AOL CDs in the mail?
DougWha? Hey, I was talking to the readers.
BobOh, sorry.
DougYeah, right. So like those CDs say you get 700 free hours a month, right?
BobYeah, so?
DougSo like even though I flunked math three times I still figured it out. 700 hours is like 29 days, or something, and like except in a leap year, February only has 28 days.
BobHey, yeah! So like they owe us for that extra day.
DougNot just the extra day, but all the extra days for all the discs they've sent us!
BobYeah! They don't know, we could've used them all in February!
DougYeah, we could've had free Internet instead of coasters, or frisbees!
DougWhat else is wrong with February?
BobUm, I thought you were gonna have more, cause I couldn't think of anything else.
DougAnything else? I came up with both ideas, eh!
BobNo way! I came up with the cable bill.
DougSo we missed Star Trek cause of you?
BobYeah! I mean... no!
DougYou hoser.
BobTake off.
DougYou take off, you nobk.
BobYou're a nobk.
DougYeah, well you're a nobk and a boogernugget.
BobA what?
DougGeez. So you don't have any other ideas?
BobNo. You?
DougNo way, eh!
BobOkay, well I guess that's it then.
DougI got one more.
BobWhat's that?
DougFebruary sucks cause like we ran out of ideas for the Hoser and not only is the month short, but this issue is short, too!
BobSounds good to me.
DougYeah. Good day, eh?
BobGood day.
DougI can't believe we missed that Star Trek marathon.
BobTake off!