January, 2003 The Hoser Weather: Put some snow tires on you car this month in case like you're gonna be driving over snow-covered roads or something. Just make sure that the tires aren't actually made of snow, eh?
Vol. 6, No. 4


by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobOk, the topic today is tobogganing, cause we went last week and we're gonna tell you about it.
DougOkay, for those of you that live in like Hawaii or Australia or where there's no snow or something, then like you're not gonna know what tobogganing is, so my hosehead brother is gonna explain it to you.
DougGo, hoser.
BobOk, like tobogganing is when you get a sled, right, and go down a hill.
DougYou mean a toboggan.
BobRight. Um. You get a sled, like a bunch of boards put together and bent at the top so it slides, eh? It's called a toboggan here in Canada and probably other places, too.
DougYeah, so you get a toboggan and go down a hill.
BobTake off. This is my story.
DougGeez. I'm just gonna sit here, and not help anymore with your lame story.
BobHoser. Uh, I guess you need snow, eh?
DougDon't ask me, I'm not here.
BobSo you take a toboggan, which is a sled made of wood bent up at the end and then like go down a snow-covered hill. No, wait. You need like your parka on, too. So you put on your coat, right, and then take a toboggan and go down a snow-covered hill.
DougWhat about a tuque and gloves?
BobI thought you weren't here.
DougOh yeah, I forgot. (annoyed) Well, I'm here now, so finish your story.
BobOkay. Tuque and gloves, right?
BobOkay. You put on a tuque and parka and gloves, right, and like get your toboggan or sled, if you wanna call it that, and like go to the top of a snow-covered hill. Um. Not too steep, or you'll go flying off, but not flat either, cause then it's no fun.
BobSnow-covered hill, get to the top, then sit on the toboggan and slide down, trying to avoid rocks and trees and stuff. Then like when you're at the bottom you can grab the tow rope, cause like that's one thing we forgot about toboggans and sleds right, they have tow ropes. So you grab the tow rope and climb up the hill. That's another reason you don't want too steep a hill, cause then you're gonna need a snowmobile or something to get back up.
BobOkay. That's what tobogganing is.
DougYeah, now that you've explained it, I think we're out of space for talking about it.
BobNo, we are not. Okay, you can do this part.
DougNo, I'm out of time!
BobJust go!
DougGeez! Okay, we went tobogganing, eh? So like the hill we were at has on one side a nice slope that sometimes snowmobiles go down so it's already flattened and you can build up a lot of speed by the time you get to the bottom right, but like the other side has like bumps that when they're covered with snow act as ramps, eh, provided you miss the trees that are in the way or run over them right? So hosehead decides that the side with the ramps is gonna be more fun to slide down on right, so like he starts sliding and goes off a couple ramps and crashes the toboggan right which like launches him into the air where he does a flip then lands on his feet. It was a beauty, eh?
BobYeah, that was great. There were cars going by honking their horns cause they think I'm some sort of tobogganing genius, eh?
DougYeah, well if it wasn't for all the beer we were drinking you probably wouldn't have decided to do that, eh?
BobAnd it probably would have hurt more, too, if it weren't for the alcohol numbing my body.
DougYeah. I think I broke something, and I didn't even go down that side of the hill.
BobSo anyway, is that the topic?
DougYeah, I think so. Hey! Look out the window!
DougYAY! Snow's here! Let's go back to the hill and see if you can do that flip again!
BobOkay, you get the toboggans, I'll get the beer!
DougBeauty! Good day, eh!
BobYeah, good day!

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Okay, every year people ask for the lyrics to Twelve Days of Christmas. So, we put them here, eh? And even though Christmas is over, you can still read it, eh? So good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell you what to get your true love for Christmas.