July, 2003 | Weather: So now like a politician is saying that gas barbecues are polluting the atmosphere so like the better thing for the environment right is to start up the van and use the engine block to cook food eh! | |
Vol. 6, No. 10 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug! |
---|---|
Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | Okay, we heard that marijuana, like pot, eh, is now decriminalized in Canada. So like that means you get a ticket instead of getting charged. |
Doug | But like why is pot suddenly okay, but beer isn't? |
Bob | Wha? |
Doug | Marijuana is legal but beer isn't. Didn't you know that? |
Bob | What are you talking about? Beer is legal! |
Doug | Oh yeah? Then how come we gotta hide it in the tool shed? |
Bob | We're not hiding it from the cops, you nobk. We're hiding it from dad! |
Doug | Huh? Really? |
Bob | Yeah, otherwise he'd drink it on us. |
Doug | Well now I look like a big idiot, eh? |
Bob | You always did. |
Doug | Hoser. |
Bob | Nobk. |
Doug | Anyway, so much for that topic. |
Bob | No, we can still talk about it. |
Doug | Oh yeah, what? |
Bob | Okay, you know how they say pot is good for like some diseases right? Like glaucoma or whatever? |
Doug | Yeah, medicinal marijuana. So what? |
Bob | So how come you never hear about medicinal beer? |
Doug | Cause like it hasn't been invented yet! |
Bob | It has now. Say like Doug here has a headache. What should he take for it? |
Doug | Uh. Beer? |
Bob | Yeah, beer. Cause then like if you drink enough beers then you won't feel the headache anymore. |
Doug | But what happens when I wake up in the morning and not only have a headache from the hangover, but also the same headache I had the night before? |
Bob | Drink more beer! |
Doug | Beauty! |
Bob | And say you got a cold, right? Like those cough drops you take, they got alcohol in them. |
Doug | And so does beer. |
Bob | Right, so like drink beer cause it tastes better than the cough drops. |
Doug | That's a good one. Let me try. |
Bob | Okay, go. |
Doug | So like you make burgers or whatever but then like your neighbour finds out you were using his barbecue and chases you away and so you eat the half-cooked burgers anyway but then get food poisoning eh so like next time it happens you drink lots of beer before so the bacteria and stuff gets killed by the alcohol. |
Bob | That's amazing. Did it work? |
Doug | I puked, but I think it was from the beer. |
Bob | Beauty. |
Doug | I know. |
Bob | So anyway, that's the topic for this month. Good day, and make sure you keep a beer in your first aid kit, you never know when you might need on for medicinal purposes. |
Doug | Keep two beers in your first aid kit, just in case. |
Bob | Yeah. Okay. |
Doug | Okay. |
Bob | Good day. |
Doug | Good day, eh! |
Bob | Hey, hand me a beer, will ya? |
Doug | Sure. (reaches in case and removes beer) |
Bob | (twists off the cap) Ah, geez. |
Doug | Wha? |
Bob | I scraped my finger on the bottle cap! |
Doug | Better take some medicinal beer for that! |
Bob | Beauty! (chugs beer) |
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
---|
The Hoser |
|
BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2003 Chris "Bob" Odorjan