| May, 2002 |  |
Weather: It's been cold this year so far, so drive wherever you go even if it's next door, eh? That way you'll produce more greenhouse gases and make the place warmer and it'll make it warmer this summer plus save on heating costs in the winter, eh? |
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| Vol. 5, No. 8 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Good day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | Good day. Well, it's not really a good day, since there's a beer strike, eh! |
| Bob | Yeah, talk about cheezwiz. The guys workin' at the beer store decided they wanted a raise, so they're on strike and we have no beer. |
| Doug | Well, you have no beer. I heard there was gonna be a strike so I saved some. |
| Bob | Wha? Where'd you put it?! |
| Doug | In a secret place where no one will find it. |
| Bob | Oh yeah? Hold on a minute. (leaves) |
| Doug | He's never gonna find it, eh! What a hoser. He hasn't had a beer in almost a day, so he's gettin' stupider by the minute. |
| Bob | (returning with beer) Found it. |
| Doug | What the... |
| Bob | You didn't think I'd check the veggie compartment of the beer fridge, did you? |
| Doug | Geez. I figured you never ate your vegetables when you were a kid, so why start now? |
| Bob | Okay, so there's about three cases left, and I'm gonna drink two of them. |
| Doug | Wha? Why?! |
| Bob | Cause you hid them on me, that's why. |
| Doug | Take off. |
| Bob | You take off. |
| Doug | Hoser. Anyway, we hope this beer strike doesn't last too long, cause we're gonna be outa beer by the end of the week. |
| Bob | Okay, how can we get beer? Wanna go to a restaurant or bar or something? |
| Doug | Naw, they get their beer from the beer stores too, so they're gonna run out soon. |
| Bob | Um. Okay, so let's make our own. |
| Doug | Take off. Remember the fire last time we tried? |
| Bob | Oh yeah, it took a long time for the hair on my arms to grow back. |
| Doug | SNORK! |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Where's the nearest brewery? |
| Bob | Shut down cause of the strike. |
| Doug | Oh yeah, I forgot about that. |
| Bob | Geez. We got problems. Maybe we should... |
| Doug | Don't say it! |
| Bob | ...drink something else. |
| Together | AARRGGHH!! |
| Bob | Okay, that was a dumb idea. |
| Doug | I can't believe you said that. |
| Bob | Sorry. |
| Doug | I'm disowning you. You're no longer my brother. |
| Bob | Hey, take off. |
| Doug | You're gonna have to change your name. People are gonna say "where's Bob", and I'm gonna say "who?" |
| Bob | TAKE OFF! |
| Doug | Okay, you're not disowned. |
| Bob | Can I keep my name? Hey, what am I asking you for?! You should be the one to change your name! |
| Doug | No way, eh! People know me. They're gonna get confused otherwise. |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Anyway, so drinking something else is definitely out. Unless its main ingredient is beer you can forget it. |
| Bob | Okay, so what now? |
| Doug | Hand me my tuque. |
| Bob | Why? It's May. It's too warm for a tuque. |
| Doug | Yeah, well, that's my thinking tuque. |
| Bob | Okay, whatever. (hands tuque to Doug) |
| Doug | (putting tuque on) Okay, I've got an idea. |
| Bob | That was fast. |
| Doug | Okay, beer in the states is weaker, so Americans aren't used to Canadian beer, right? |
| Bob | Yeah, so? |
| Doug | So that means they don't drink much of it. |
| Bob | Yeah, so? |
| Doug | So there's gonna be some left in the states. |
| Bob | Yeah, so? |
| Doug | You sound like a broken record! You are gettin' dumber by the minute. Think, hoser, think! |
| Bob | Hey, we can go to the states to get beer, eh! |
| Doug | Geez, no kidding, eh? |
| Bob | Lay off, I'm not wearing a thinking tuque like you are. |
| Doug | See, it works. |
| Bob | Okay, so we're goin' on a road trip, I guess. |
| Doug | Yeah. Gas is cheaper down there, too. |
| Bob | Beauty, let's go. Good day. |
| Doug | Good day, eh? |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Ok, right now SCTV is only on in Canada on the Comedy Network. If you like live in the states, then you're hosed, eh? They were showing it, but now it's gone, so you're gonna have to watch it on tape or imagine it's still on or whatever. But if you live in Canada, then you should be watching the episodes, eh! Cause like it might go off the air here sometime too. Either way, go check the SCTV News page or SCTV: On The Air! to find the air times, or in case something changed, eh?!
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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