May, 2002 The Hoser Weather: It's been cold this year so far, so drive wherever you go even if it's next door, eh? That way you'll produce more greenhouse gases and make the place warmer and it'll make it warmer this summer plus save on heating costs in the winter, eh?
Vol. 5, No. 8

Beer Strike!

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougGood day. Well, it's not really a good day, since there's a beer strike, eh!
BobYeah, talk about cheezwiz. The guys workin' at the beer store decided they wanted a raise, so they're on strike and we have no beer.
DougWell, you have no beer. I heard there was gonna be a strike so I saved some.
BobWha? Where'd you put it?!
DougIn a secret place where no one will find it.
BobOh yeah? Hold on a minute. (leaves)
DougHe's never gonna find it, eh! What a hoser. He hasn't had a beer in almost a day, so he's gettin' stupider by the minute.
Bob(returning with beer) Found it.
DougWhat the...
BobYou didn't think I'd check the veggie compartment of the beer fridge, did you?
DougGeez. I figured you never ate your vegetables when you were a kid, so why start now?
BobOkay, so there's about three cases left, and I'm gonna drink two of them.
DougWha? Why?!
BobCause you hid them on me, that's why.
DougTake off.
BobYou take off.
DougHoser. Anyway, we hope this beer strike doesn't last too long, cause we're gonna be outa beer by the end of the week.
BobOkay, how can we get beer? Wanna go to a restaurant or bar or something?
DougNaw, they get their beer from the beer stores too, so they're gonna run out soon.
BobUm. Okay, so let's make our own.
DougTake off. Remember the fire last time we tried?
BobOh yeah, it took a long time for the hair on my arms to grow back.
DougWhere's the nearest brewery?
BobShut down cause of the strike.
DougOh yeah, I forgot about that.
BobGeez. We got problems. Maybe we should...
DougDon't say it!
Bob...drink something else.
BobOkay, that was a dumb idea.
DougI can't believe you said that.
DougI'm disowning you. You're no longer my brother.
BobHey, take off.
DougYou're gonna have to change your name. People are gonna say "where's Bob", and I'm gonna say "who?"
DougOkay, you're not disowned.
BobCan I keep my name? Hey, what am I asking you for?! You should be the one to change your name!
DougNo way, eh! People know me. They're gonna get confused otherwise.
DougAnyway, so drinking something else is definitely out. Unless its main ingredient is beer you can forget it.
BobOkay, so what now?
DougHand me my tuque.
BobWhy? It's May. It's too warm for a tuque.
DougYeah, well, that's my thinking tuque.
BobOkay, whatever. (hands tuque to Doug)
Doug(putting tuque on) Okay, I've got an idea.
BobThat was fast.
DougOkay, beer in the states is weaker, so Americans aren't used to Canadian beer, right?
BobYeah, so?
DougSo that means they don't drink much of it.
BobYeah, so?
DougSo there's gonna be some left in the states.
BobYeah, so?
DougYou sound like a broken record! You are gettin' dumber by the minute. Think, hoser, think!
BobHey, we can go to the states to get beer, eh!
DougGeez, no kidding, eh?
BobLay off, I'm not wearing a thinking tuque like you are.
DougSee, it works.
BobOkay, so we're goin' on a road trip, I guess.
DougYeah. Gas is cheaper down there, too.
BobBeauty, let's go. Good day.
DougGood day, eh?

SCTV Airings

by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Ok, right now SCTV is only on in Canada on the Comedy Network. If you like live in the states, then you're hosed, eh? They were showing it, but now it's gone, so you're gonna have to watch it on tape or imagine it's still on or whatever. But if you live in Canada, then you should be watching the episodes, eh! Cause like it might go off the air here sometime too. Either way, go check the SCTV News page or SCTV: On The Air! to find the air times, or in case something changed, eh?!