March, 2002 | Weather: It's still gonna be cold out and the water's still frozen over, so you still can't pull the snowmobile out of the lake. | |
Vol. 5, No. 6 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Good day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. |
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Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | Um, okay, so today the topic is parking tickets, and um, go hoser! |
Doug | Yeah, okay. Parking tickets. Cops have nothing better to do apparently than to give honest law-abiding citizens... |
Bob | Snork! |
Doug | ...like us a ticket when all we've done wrong is park for five minutes over the limit, or a little crooked in the parking space, or blocking in another car. |
Bob | Yeah! |
Doug | So our theory is to let us park the way we want, and cops should go arrest real criminals, eh? |
Bob | Beauty. But cops don't agree with us, and the judge never has, either. |
Doug | I think the cops and the judges are working together, eh? |
Bob | Yeah, so anyway, here's how you can park whatever way you want and the cops will never give you a parking ticket. First... |
Doug | You know where cops put the ticket, eh? |
Bob | Hey! I was talking! |
Doug | Take off. You always do the topic, this time I'm doin' the talking! |
Bob | NO WAY! |
Doug | Zoom in on me! Zoom in over here! I'm the host of the show now, so welcome to the Doug McKenzie hour... |
Bob | No, hoser! |
Doug | Take off. I'm doing the show. |
Bob | Yeah, well this isn't the show, this is our online newspaper, eh? |
Doug | (mockingly) "This is our online newspaper!" Well thanks for pointing that out! HOSER! |
Bob | Geez. |
Doug | So don't zoom in on me. See that picture at the top part of your screen of Bob? Well put some tape or something over that, so you don't see him. Cause he's not here, eh? |
Bob | I am too. |
Doug | Ignore him, too. So anyway, where was I? (silence) Hey, hoser. |
Bob | I'm bein' ignored, so I'm not here. |
Doug | Ok, I won't ignore you, just tell me what our topic was. |
Bob | You forgot our topic? |
Doug | Uh. Yeah. |
Bob | I can't believe you forgot our topic! |
Doug | I don't think there's enough space now. |
Bob | Yeah there is. Write real small. |
Doug | Take off. |
Bob | The topic was parking tickets. |
Doug | Oh yeah, parking tickets. You can ignore Bob again. Parking tickets. You know where cops put the ticket, eh? |
Bob | Under the windshield wiper. |
Doug | Right. Under the windshield wiper. So if you have no windshield wipers, where does the cop put the ticket? |
Bob | He's a genius, eh? |
Doug | I know. So cops can't give you a ticket if you have no windshield wipers, so remove the windshield wipers from your van or car or whatever you drive. |
Bob | Or live in, if that happens to be the case. |
Doug | Just be careful when you're driving in the rain, since you won't be able to see that well. |
Bob | Or better yet, just don't drive when it's raining. Unless you're out of beer. |
Doug | Beauty. So I guess that's the topic for today, good day. |
Bob | Good day, eh? |
Doug | How'd you like my show? |
Bob | You're a hoser. We're supposed to share, but you took over, eh? |
Doug | Yeah, well... |
Bob | That's not the way it's supposed to be, eh? |
Doug | Yeah, well next time you can take off, eh? |
Bob | Geez. |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Bob | Good day, we just watched the Olympics, eh? |
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Doug | Yeah, and Canada won a lot of medals, and did real well. |
Bob | And both the men's and women's hockey teams won gold medals. |
Doug | Right. So in honour of all this, we say that all Canadians in the world should go and get something golden. |
Bob | Beer is a golden colour. |
Doug | Beauty! All Canadians, go have a beer and celebrate with us. |
Bob | Yeah, let's go get loaded. |
Doug | Sounds good to me! Good day. |
Bob | Good day, eh? |
by Bob McKenzie
Those hosers at NBC decided to stop showing SCTV! (Note from Doug to Bob: Don't call them hosers, eh? Now they'll never show it again!) See the article on the Strange Brew 2 and SCTV News Page, for details, eh?
by Doug McKenzie
The Comedy Network in Canada has been showing SCTV since 1999, so like if you live in Canada and get the Comedy Network and didn't know that, then maybe you shouldn't be paying for cable or something. There's two different syndicated episodes a day which are probably in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2002 Chris "Bob" Odorjan