February, 2002 The Hoser Weather: It'll be real cold this month, so leave the stove on when you're done making back bacon to warm up the room.
Vol. 5, No. 5

Bob and Doug Blow a Fuse

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is fuses, and how not to break them. Go, eh?
DougOkay, you know fuses, that apparently keep your electrical wiring and stuff from burning the house down but are actually just a way of limiting how much power you can use, eh?
BobWha? Really?
DougYeah, it's a big conspiracy!
BobWow, you know a lot about conspiracies!
DougYeah, that's from watching the X-Files.
BobBeauty. You also know a lot about electricity.
DougYeah, that's from watching This Old House.
BobYou watch This Old House?
BobThat's amazing!
DougI learn a lot from television.
BobI guess. Okay, we blew a fuse, which is why we're talking about them. Show them our old power cable.
DougOkay. (picks up blob of plastic) Here's the old power cable. It melted when it burst into flames.
BobRight. See that? (points at blob) That's the power cord for the Coleman. We had to add a new one, eh?
DougYeah. And see that? (points at a different part of the blob) That's the cord for the beer fridge. So the topic is: don't put a penny inside the fuse box.
DougUse nickels. They last five times longer.
BobTake off!
DougNo way. I'd use a quarter, and get 25 times the power, but it didn't fit.
BobWere you drunk when you were watching This Old House?
DougOh, probably.
BobYeah, well that explains a lot.
DougHoser. I used a real fuse, you nobk.
BobGeez. I thought the house would burn down or something. So anyway, when the sparks started flying and the plastic melted, not just the fuse on this circuit blew, but like the whole house, eh?
DougWe were in the dark. Well, Bob's always in the dark, but this time so was I.
BobHoser. So the Coleman's broke, the beer fridge is busted, and the house smells like an electrical fire. What do you do?
DougGo to the van, of course.
BobRight, but it took a while cause some hoser left the flashlight on last time we went camping and we had to find our way to the garage in the dark.
DougFortunately, the electrical system in the van was still working. So we drove to the grocery store for back bacon that didn't taste like burning plastic.
BobBut then we realized it would do us no good, cause we had no stove to cook it on.
DougYeah, so we spent the rest of the day at the fried chicken place.
BobWhich tasted good, but was dumb cause when we got back it was dark and the old man was complaining to us that the power was out and his beer was warm. So he made use go to the hardware store and get some fuses and then fix his fridge and stuff.
DougI did the wiring!
BobHey, I helped, too, eh?
DougYeah, I used you as a continuity tester for the live wires.
BobThanks a lot, eh?
DougAnyway, so here we are, the power's back on, and we got more back bacon and beer and stuff.
BobYeah, beauty! So that's the topic. Good day.
DougGood day, eh?
BobHey, you smell something burning?

SCTV No Longer on NBC

by Bob McKenzie

Those hosers at NBC decided to stop showing SCTV! (Note from Doug to Bob: Don't call them hosers, eh? Now they'll never show it again!) See the article on the Strange Brew 2 and SCTV News Page, for details, eh?

SCTV Still On in Canada

by Doug McKenzie

The Comedy Network in Canada has been showing SCTV since 1999, so like if you live in Canada and get the Comedy Network and didn't know that, then maybe you shouldn't be paying for cable or something. There's two different syndicated episodes a day which are probably in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?