| January, 2002 |  |
Weather: It gets cold, so go and get some road salt. It's much cheaper than table salt, and it tastes the same. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 5, No. 4 |
| January, 2002 | |
Weather: It gets cold, so go and get some road salt. It's much cheaper than table salt, and it tastes the same. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 5, No. 4 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Good day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. |
|---|---|
| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Today the topic is the phone company, and why they're still hosers. |
| Doug | Why's that? |
| Bob | Cause the cost for payphones is going up again. |
| Doug | Take off! It is not. |
| Bob | Yeah, if you looked with the last phone bill, you'd have seen the... |
| Doug | Phone bill? |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| Doug | What are you doing with the phone bill? |
| Bob | Mom left it on the counter before she paid for it. |
| Doug | Oh, cause I didn't think you'd pay on your own. |
| Bob | No. So, right. There was a letter with a phone bill, and it said: "to serve you better, payphone calls are going to 50 cents", or something like that. |
| Doug | Geez. It's cause of cell phones, right? |
| Bob | Yeah. Lots of people use cell phones now, and not as many use payphones. Guys like us pay for the guys with cell phones. |
| Doug | I have a cell phone. |
| Bob | Take off. You do not. They cost money, eh, and you don't have any. |
| Doug | I don't need money. You can get free cell phones. |
| Bob | Wha? How? |
| Doug | (takes phone out of pocket) Lots of people leave theirs lying around. |
| Bob | Wait a minute. You stole this? |
| Doug | No, I borrowed it. |
| Bob | From who? |
| SFX | phone rings |
| Doug | (picking up phone) Uh. Hello? |
| You | Hi, Doug. |
| Doug | Who is this? |
| You | Your reader, Doug. |
| Doug | Uh. Which one? |
| You | I think at this point I'm your only reader, eh? |
| Bob | You stole our reader's cell phone! |
| Doug | No, take off! I borrowed it. |
| You | You did not, you hoser. Hang up and give it back! |
| Bob | I can't believe you stole our reader's cell phone! |
| Doug | No, wait, this guy's delusional! He thinks it's his cell phone! |
| You | Oh yeah? |
| Doug | Yeah! |
| You | So how did I know the number? |
| Doug | Uh, you work for a telemarketer? |
| You | Wrong guess, hoser. Now give it back, you guys, before I press charges! |
| Bob | No, not me, just Doug! |
| Doug | No way! He stole it too! |
| Bob | Wha? I did not! |
| Doug | It was his idea! He was the one who said that payphones were expensive! |
| Bob | Take off! |
| You | Alright, I'm callin' the cops! |
| Doug | How? You don't have your cell phone! |
| SFX | phone hanging up |
| Bob | Oh, great. |
| Doug | (puts phone down) Think he'll call the cops? |
| Bob | Uh, yeah. |
| Doug | Ok. Let's get outa here. |
| Bob | Right. That's the show for today. Good day. (grabs a couple beers and runs out of the studio) |
| Doug | Good day. (picks up two more beers and leaves) |
| You | (entering room and opening a case for yourself) Geez. What a couple of hosers! I thought they'd never leave. (pick up beer and take a swig) |
Don't forget about our annual Christmas insert to The Hoser, which is the same every year. Go read The Twelve Days of Christmas, eh?
by Bob McKenzie
Those hosers at NBC decided to stop showing SCTV! (Note from Doug to Bob: Don't call them hosers, eh? Now they'll never show it again!) See the article on the Strange Brew 2 and SCTV News Page, for details, eh?
The Comedy Network in Canada is still showing two different syndicated episodes a day, and maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
|---|
The Hoser |
|
BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2002 Chris "Bob" Odorjan