January, 2002 The Hoser Weather: It gets cold, so go and get some road salt. It's much cheaper than table salt, and it tastes the same.
Vol. 5, No. 4

Phone Company Still Hosers

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is the phone company, and why they're still hosers.
DougWhy's that?
BobCause the cost for payphones is going up again.
DougTake off! It is not.
BobYeah, if you looked with the last phone bill, you'd have seen the...
DougPhone bill?
DougWhat are you doing with the phone bill?
BobMom left it on the counter before she paid for it.
DougOh, cause I didn't think you'd pay on your own.
BobNo. So, right. There was a letter with a phone bill, and it said: "to serve you better, payphone calls are going to 50 cents", or something like that.
DougGeez. It's cause of cell phones, right?
BobYeah. Lots of people use cell phones now, and not as many use payphones. Guys like us pay for the guys with cell phones.
DougI have a cell phone.
BobTake off. You do not. They cost money, eh, and you don't have any.
DougI don't need money. You can get free cell phones.
BobWha? How?
Doug(takes phone out of pocket) Lots of people leave theirs lying around.
BobWait a minute. You stole this?
DougNo, I borrowed it.
BobFrom who?
SFXphone rings
Doug(picking up phone) Uh. Hello?
YouHi, Doug.
DougWho is this?
YouYour reader, Doug.
DougUh. Which one?
YouI think at this point I'm your only reader, eh?
BobYou stole our reader's cell phone!
DougNo, take off! I borrowed it.
YouYou did not, you hoser. Hang up and give it back!
BobI can't believe you stole our reader's cell phone!
DougNo, wait, this guy's delusional! He thinks it's his cell phone!
YouOh yeah?
YouSo how did I know the number?
DougUh, you work for a telemarketer?
YouWrong guess, hoser. Now give it back, you guys, before I press charges!
BobNo, not me, just Doug!
DougNo way! He stole it too!
BobWha? I did not!
DougIt was his idea! He was the one who said that payphones were expensive!
BobTake off!
YouAlright, I'm callin' the cops!
DougHow? You don't have your cell phone!
SFXphone hanging up
BobOh, great.
Doug(puts phone down) Think he'll call the cops?
BobUh, yeah.
DougOk. Let's get outa here.
BobRight. That's the show for today. Good day. (grabs a couple beers and runs out of the studio)
DougGood day. (picks up two more beers and leaves)
You(entering room and opening a case for yourself) Geez. What a couple of hosers! I thought they'd never leave. (pick up beer and take a swig)

Twelve Days of Christmas

Don't forget about our annual Christmas insert to The Hoser, which is the same every year. Go read The Twelve Days of Christmas, eh?

SCTV No Longer on NBC

by Bob McKenzie

Those hosers at NBC decided to stop showing SCTV! (Note from Doug to Bob: Don't call them hosers, eh? Now they'll never show it again!) See the article on the Strange Brew 2 and SCTV News Page, for details, eh?

SCTV Still Airing in Canada

The Comedy Network in Canada is still showing two different syndicated episodes a day, and maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?