September, 2002 The Hoser Weather: Who cares about the weather this month? Everyone's back from vacation and goin' to school and stuff, eh, so like you're gonna be indoors anyway so don't worry about it.
Vol. 5, No. 12

Bob and Doug The Lumberjacks

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOne more time!
BobUm, okay! Good day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday this topic is firewood. Okay, go.
DougOk, we went camping, right, and like so every night it gets cold, eh, so like you gotta start a fire. So we do and then like the park rangers come up to us and say "hey, you hosers! Put the fire out!"
BobYeah, so we look over to the next campsite and point to them and say "hey, what about them?"
DougBut we didn't know the fire was supposed to be in the fire pit. Like I thought it was a garbage bin or something.
BobAnd there's a good reason to put the fire in the pit, cause like my tent caught fire but the rangers put it out, eh, but like then I had to sleep in Doug's tent. Geez. I wish we hadn't had those beans for supper. I've never heard or smelt you slice cheez like that before!
DougWell, at least it didn't smell as bad as your feet! When's the last time you washed them, eh?
BobTake off.
DougSo anyway, the rangers said we could stay as long as we didn't cause any more trouble.
DougOkay, so we didn't bug the rangers and they didn't bug us. Well, I didn't bug the rangers.
BobDon't tell 'em the story.
DougI'm gonna.
DougTake off. Okay, hoser got us kicked out, and I'm gonna tell you why.
BobAw, geez!
DougSo like a week later we run out of wood right so like I say I saw a sign on the way to the provincial park about cheap wood but like hoser here says he can get it cheaper right? So like he goes off into the wilderness and like I don't see him for like hours and also don't notice that he took our axe with him!
DougSo like hoser here spends a day cutting down a tree and then getting caught by the park rangers.
BobLike, there weren't any signs saying it was a protected forest.
DougWhat about the fence?
BobYou know, like, I thought it was to keep the deer from attacking the campers.
DougGeez. Good thing we didn't have a gun with us. Or I woulda used it on you.
BobTake off.
DougSo anyway, the park rangers are real mad, eh! So like they say to get out and don't come back.
BobYeah. So I think we're banned from that park.
DougYou think we're banned? You hoser.
BobYou're a hoser!
DougNo, you're a hoser!
BobOh yeah? Well you're a beer-guzzling, tuque-wearing hoser!
DougSo are you!
BobOh, yeah. That's right. Anyway, that's the topic for today. Do the song again.
BobOne more time!
DougCOO-ROO-COO... hey, what am I doing? People are reading this, they can't hear me!
BobAw, take off!

SCTV Airings

by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Ok, SCTV is on in Canada on the Comedy Network, eh! If you live in Canada then check their page or SCTV: On The Air! for a list of times that it's on, and then like watch it, eh!