May, 2001 The Hoser Weather: Make sure your beer fridge is plugged in, since it's no longer cold enough to keep the beer in your garage cool.
Vol. 4, No. 8

Hockey Playoffs

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin'?
BobOk, this is a short issue, cause there's so many hockey teams that playoffs go into June, so there's a lot of good games this month, and we don't want to miss them. Good day, eh?
DougWha? That's it?
BobYeah, say "good day", there's one on tonight.
DougThat's no good. Why didn't we put up an old issue or something.
BobWe can't, it has to be new.
DougThen do it later, when there's no game.
BobWe have a deadline, too. And this is it.
DougTalk about cheezwiz!
SFXdoorbell rings
BobOk, there's our pizza. Finish the show while I pay for it.
DougSounds like a good deal to me.
BobHoser. (leaves)
DougOk, like, is he gone?
DougGood. Welcome to the Doug McKenzie Show, starring me, Doug McKenzie. We have a big show today, and not a lot of time, so I gotta talk fast.
Bob(returning) Hey, hoser.
BobGimme a fiver. (reaches out hand)
DougOk. (slaps Bob's hand)
BobI didn't say "gimme five", you hoser! I said "gimme a fiver"!
DougSNORK! Sorry, eh? Here you are, hosehead. But now I get half the pizza.
BobYou do not.
Doug(tries to grab money) Ok, I want my money back, then!
BobTake off. Finish the show. (leaves)
DougOk, welcome back to the show. That was my first guest, Bob McKenzie. He's a big hoser, as you could probably tell by looking at him.
YouI can't see either of you. This is a web page.
DougOh, yeah. Well, imagine Bob with a stunned look on his face...
YouI can't imagine Bob without a stunned look on his face.
DougGood one, eh?
YouI can't imagine you without a stunned look on your face, either.
DougHey, take off!
Bob(returning with pizza) Hey, what're you doin'?
DougI'm talking to our readers.
BobYou're supposed to close the show! C'mon, we still gotta buy beer before the beer store closes!
DougYou can go get the beer. I'll stay here with the pizza.
BobNo way, eh? I'm takin' the pizza with me.
BobHey, reader.
BobWhat did Doug say about me?
YouHe said you have a stunned look on your face.
BobWha? He's the one with the stunned look on his face!
YouThat's what I said!
DougTake off, you hosers!

Back Issues

The server with the back issues isn't up for the summer, so, like, you should have saved them or something. They'll be back, uh, when we go back to our fast connection. The links are on the back issues page, but they won't go anywhere. Sorry for all of you using them to play drinking games with, eh?

SCTV Reruns in USA and Canada

Good day, eh? NBC is still showing SCTV in the former "Later" timeslot, which is usually Monday to Thursday, 1:35am to 2:05am. Check your listings, and find out when it's on. Who knows what episodes will be on, but maybe we'll be there, eh? The Comedy Network in Canada is also showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, and maybe sometimes two different ones a day. Maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?