April, 2001 The Hoser Weather: It'll probably rain this month, so leave the van in the driveway so you don't have to wash it, eh?
Vol. 4, No. 7

The Car Wash

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is washing the van and going to the car wash.
DougBut if, for some reason, you don't have a van, you can still wash your car.
BobMaybe it should be called a "van wash", eh?
DougBut then where would you wash your car?
BobWha? You're a hoser.
DougSo are you.
BobNobk. Back to the topic. Car wash.
DougAnd van wash.
BobUh, right. Today the topic is the car wash.
DougNow that it's springtime in the Great White North, you can take your van to the car wash and not worry about getting more salt or gravel or dust on it.
BobYeah, beauty.
DougBut then it'll rain, and you wasted six dollars! Take off!
BobSix dollars? Where'd you take it?
DougThe automatic one.
BobOh, take off! You didn't push down the antenna, right? Now it's broke off!
DougNo, there's an antenna there.
BobAn antenna?
BobThe same one as before?
DougUh. No.
BobI knew it! You broke our antenna!
DougNo, it wasn't me, it was the soaper machine, eh?
BobYou're the one who forgot to push it down, now it's wrecked!
DougNo, no! There's still an antenna.
BobWha? Where from?
DougOk, quiz for Bob.
BobGeez! No quizzes now.
DougHere's your thinking tuque!
BobGeez, Doug!
DougWhere's your coat?
BobI'm wearing my coat.
DougYeah, and it's not freezing out, why, eh?
BobYou're wearing your coat, too!
DougYeah, this beer's cold, and I'm trying to keep warm. Anyway, so where's your coat when you're not wearing it?
BobI put it on the... you HOSER!
DougYeah! The thinking tuque works!
BobYou stuck a hangar in for an antenna!?
DougIt works, eh? The radio still gets stuff. Not like there's anything good on, though.
BobYou're waiting for the comeback of disco?
DougNo way, eh?
BobSo anyway, it's a good idea to use the regular car wash, cause it's cheaper and you don't blow rust off or break antennas like a certain hoser I know.
DougHey, all the rust is still there. I checked, eh?
BobYeah, well decent. Folks, if you ever see Doug at the car wash, washing the van, point the pressure hose at him and give him a soaker.
DougNo, wait! When Bob's at the car wash, put the soaker hose on wax, and then soak him, eh?
BobYou're a hoser.
DougYou're a hoser.
BobGeez. I guess that's The Hoser for this month. Good day, eh?
DougGood day.
BobSo did you get out and fix it?
DougWhat, disco?
BobDisco. What're you... NO! The antenna!
DougUh, no. I was driving through the automatic one, and I'd get soap all over me.
BobOh yeah?
BobThen what's that on your tuque?
Doug(taking off tuque and looking at it) Uh. Soap.
BobYou hoser.
DougTake off!

Back Issues

Ok, eh? The back issues are up, but the really early ones aren't yet. We know where they are, just that we have to return the empties that are stacked on top of them first.

SCTV Reruns in USA and Canada

Good day, eh? NBC is still showing SCTV in the former "Later" timeslot, which is usually Monday to Thursday, 1:35am to 2:05am. Check your listings, and find out when it's on. Who knows what episodes will be on, but maybe we'll be there, eh? The Comedy Network in Canada is also showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, and maybe sometimes two different ones a day. Maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?