March, 2001 The Hoser Weather: Expect snow, freezing rain, rain, wind, and sunshine this month. Basically, March is every other month of Canadian weather rolled into one.
Vol. 4, No. 6

Reality-Based Hosers

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobOkay, you know those shows...
BobTake off. Those shows...
BobTake off! Let me finish.
DougNo way, eh?
BobWhy are you being difficult?
DougYou forgot the topic.
BobGeez. Just because I didn't say "today the topic is" doesn't mean there isn't one.
DougYou always start that way. Why change now?
BobOk. Start over.
DougI don't think we can.
BobWhatever. Today the topic is my hosehead brother Doug.
DougWait, stop! That wasn't the topic we discussed before, eh?
BobHoser. The real topic is reality-based TV. These are shows like Survivor where they drop people off on a tropical island or something and hope they can live without beer.
DougNo wonder it's called Survivor.
BobYeah. Each week a new guy gets voted off the island, so he loses.
DougNot if he can drink beer again!
BobRight. But here's the deal. We do that now!
DougWe do?
DougDoes that mean I win a million dollars?
BobNo. Get out. What I mean is, if we screw up, like lose our dad's beer money or something, he'll vote us out of the house, eh?
DougOh, like that. So we win, like, nothing, then.
BobNo, we get a place to sleep, too.
DougI can sleep in the van, eh?
BobWe get food, too.
DougI bought this back bacon myself.
BobYeah, with dad's beer money!
DougTake off! How'd you pay for that beer?
BobUh. I took back some empties.
DougWhat, you mean those empties over there? That's still a huge pile.
BobThere could be some missing, you don't know.
DougTake off. I'm voting you off my island.
BobOh! Your island? Which island's that?
DougUh, like, Flin Flon.
BobFlin Flon?!?! That's not an island!
DougIs too.
BobIt's a town in Manitoba! You don't know the islands! You don't know nothing!
DougTake off. You're voted out. Go, leave!
BobFine, I'm taking my beer with me! (starts walking away with a case of two-four under his arm)
DougNo, wait, come back! That's my beer!
BobNo way, eh?
DougOk, looks like this issue of The Hoser is over. Hoser. Over. Neat.
BobTake off!
SFXDoor slams.
DougGeez. What a hoser! Ok, I gotta get my beer. Good day, folks! (leaves)

Back Issues

Ok, eh? The back issues are up, but the really early ones aren't yet. We know where they are, just that we have to return the empties that are stacked on top of them first.

SCTV Reruns in USA and Canada

Good day, eh? NBC is showing SCTV in the former "Later" timeslot, which is usually Monday to Thursday, 1:35am to 2:05am. Check your listings, and find out when it's on. Who knows what episodes will be on, but maybe we'll be there, eh? The Comedy Network in Canada is still showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, and maybe sometimes two different ones a day. Maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?