December, 2000 The Hoser Weather: Expect flurries this month. Buy them at Dairy Queen.
Vol. 4, No. 3

Frozen Beer

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is what happens when beer gets too cold. Ok, go.
DougYeah. Usually, we try to keep our beer cold, cause then it tastes better, and there's less chance of puking after drinking a lot, too.
BobGood one. But what if it's colder than freezing out? What happens then?
DougUh, the beer freezes!
BobYeah, I know, it was a rhetorical question.
DougA wha? You were reading the dictionary again, eh?
BobNo way, eh? I didn't flunk grade 8 two times, like you.
DougYeah, you only flunked it once.
DougAnyway, it's like, really cold out this time of year, and that causes the beer to freeze.
BobAnd if it gets real cold, the beer'll explode!
BobYeah. You've never put a beer in the freezer and forgot about it?
DougNo way, I never forget my beer.
BobWhat about the time you put the case you just bought on top of the van, and drove off without putting it in the back? There was broken bottles all over the road!
DougI forgot, eh?
BobYeah, real decent! You wasted almost $30!
DougHoser. What was I talking about?
BobUm. Beer in the freezer.
DougWhy would you do that?
BobTo cool it down faster!
DougJust drink it warm! If you puke, you puke! Makes room for more beer!
BobBut you get less effect!
DougGood point. It wastes beer, too.
BobMaybe that's what it means when they say "you're wasted"!
DougCould be, eh?
BobAnyway, it's cold out, so don't keep your beer outside.
DougUnless you want to see a bottle of beer explode. Of course, you can get the same effect by putting it on the Coleman, like this.
SFXSound of beer being placed on stove
BobWha? Take off!
DougNo way, eh?
SFXSound of Bob removing the beer and opening it.
Bob(taking swig) Geez. Now it's warm. I hope you're happy, eh?
DougNo, that's my new idea, eh? If you're outside, like you're ice fishing or playing hockey or hiding from the cops or something, put the beer real close to your Coleman.
DougCause that'll keep it from freezing, and it'll still be cold enough to drink, hosehead!
BobHey, that's a good idea, eh? Hand me your beer!
DougWha? Gimme back my beer!
SFXDoug's beer being placed onto the stove
BobHere, have some beer soup.
SFXbeer foaming over

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Okay, every year people ask for the lyrics to Twelve Days of Christmas. So, we put them here, eh? Play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do. So good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell you what to get your true love for Christmas...

Back Issues

Ok, eh? The back issues are up, but not the really early ones. We'll get them done sometime. We think.

SCTV Reruns

Good day. The fine folks at The Comedy Network in Canada are still showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, sometimes two a day. Check out the SCTV page for more info, eh?