September, 2001 The Hoser Weather: It's warm out, but it's gonna get cold. So wear your tuque, just in case.
Vol. 4, No. 12

Letters To Doug

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother, Doug.
DougHow's it goin'?
BobToday the topic is provided by Doug, and he hasn't even told me what it is. Go, hoser.
DougOk, in this issue, I'll be reading some of the mail I got recently.
BobYou get mail?!?
BobLike, letters?
BobThat's amazing!
DougI know. Here's the first one. "Dear Doug."
BobThat's it?
DougNo, that's not it, you moron. Letters always start with "Dear Doug."
BobWhat about letters to me?
DougThere aren't any. Anyway...
BobWhaddaya mean no letters for me? You're withholding them from me.
DougWha? Take off. I am not. And if you don't mind, I'm reading this one first.
DougYeah, eh?! "Dear Doug, much like you, I have a hosehead brother. What do I do about him? Signed, Wondering in Wawa."
BobTake off, it does not say that.
DougYeah, it does too!
BobLet me see that.
DougNo way, eh?
BobTake off! (grabs letter)
DougGimme that!
BobHey, this is your handwriting!
DougYeah, well, this guy obviously wants to be like me, so he copies my handwriting, too.
BobWhere'd he get a copy of your handwriting?
DougYou don't know. Maybe he works for Revenue Canada and copied my tax return.
BobYeah, maybe. If you sent them your income tax once in a while.
DougTake off! I'm a law abiding citizen, eh? I just have no law abiding income.
BobHoser. Are there any real letters?
DougOh, all right. Here's one. "Dear Bob and Doug." Are you happy, now? It's addressed to both of us!
BobThat's fine. Just read it.
DougOk. "Dear Bob and Doug, I'm trying to quit smoking. Should I quit cold turkey, or what, eh? Signed, Smoked in Saskatoon."
BobOk, Smoked. I would suggest that you don't quit cold turkey, cause cold turkey smells bad when you smoke it.
DougBeauty. Okay, you read this one.
Bob"Dear Bob and Doug, my socks get soaked when I go out to the garage to get a beer. What should I do about it? Signed, Two Soakers in Toronto."
DougOkay, Two Soakers, my suggestion to you is to wear your boots all the time, like we do.
BobWe don't wear our boots all the time!
DougWe don't?
BobI don't.
DougOh, geez. I guess only I do, then.
BobReally? All the time?
BobLike, even when you're in bed?
DougWell, okay. Sometimes I take them off.
BobOh yeah, when?
DougWhen I put my skates on.
BobOh, geez. That would explain the smell.
DougTake off, eh? At least it's my feet that smell, and not the rest of my body, like you, eh!
BobI don't have B.O. Maybe you do, but I don't.
DougNo way.
BobGeez. Where's the next letter?
DougI don't think we have space.
BobYou're right. Okay, so no more letters this month.
DougYeah, good day.
BobGood day, eh?
DougYou're a hoser. And you smell worse than my feet.
BobYeah, well, your feet smell like pukebreath, eh?
DougTake off!

Back Issues Are Back

Ok, about halfway through this month, the server with the back issues will be back up. So, save them this time, or print them out, or something. Next time our server crashes, you'll be glad you did. The links are on the back issues page, eh?

SCTV Airing in USA and Canada

Good day, eh? NBC is still showing SCTV in the former "Later" timeslot, which is usually Monday to Thursday, 1:35am to 2:05am. Check your listings, and find out when it's on. Who knows what episodes will be on, but maybe we'll be there, eh?

The Comedy Network in Canada is also showing two different syndicated episodes a day, and maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?