August, 2001 The Hoser Weather: It's gonna be hot this month, so take an extension cord over to the power outlet at your neighbour's place, and use that to power your air conditioner.
Vol. 4, No. 11

Parking Tickets

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobGood day, and welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin'?
BobBad, eh?
DougI wasn't talking to you, I was talking to our readers.
BobYeah, but we're having a bad day. You know why, folks? (pause)
DougYou... you're waiting for a response?
BobNo, I'm waiting for you to give the reason!
DougWha? When did we agree that I'd say the reason?
BobAt rehearsal.
DougWe have rehearsals?
BobYeah, but you've missed every one.
DougHow? I didn't even know about them.
BobWell, if you showed up at our meetings, you'd know.
DougYou mean those meetings you have when there's no one there?
DougYou've gone strange on me. And the rest of the world thinks you're strange, too.
BobYeah. You and everyone else. You think...
DougTake off. Back to the topic, since apparently I have to do the whole thing. Okay. The reason we're mad, eh, is because, like, we had to go to Toronto to pick up our mom and dad cause their car broke down, and they didn't want to pay a cab since that would take up too much beer money.
BobBut that's not the reason we're mad, eh?
DougWell, it is. I had to drive, so I couldn't have any beer before we left.
BobYeah, so we got there, and...
DougOh, you're finishing my story now?
BobWha? Your story? You didn't even want to do it at first! Maybe we do need rehearsals!
DougGet out. Let me finish.
BobNo way, eh? I'm finishing the story.
DougFine, then! I'm gonna have a beer. Good day.
SFXbeer opening
BobWha? It's not over already, is it?
DougGo! There's space left. Just ignore me, eh?
BobAs always. Okay. So we finally get in Toronto, and there's, like, no parking spaces left at the garage they took the car to. So we, uh, double parked the van on the street.
DougI was going to park on the 401...
BobThat's the big expressway, if you've never been to Toronto.
DougUh, yeah. So there was a traffic jam, and we didn't move for, like, six hours...
BobSix hours. Take off. More like 20 minutes.
DougWell, it felt like six hours. So there's a traffic jam. And we coulda stopped the van, got out, went to the garage, got our mom and dad, then got back before anyone moved.
BobGeez. You hoser. So anyway, we're parked on the road, and when we get back, there's a cop there who says "get the van out of here, or I'm gonna have to press charges".
DougOh, take off! He was not going to press charges! All he did was write up a ticket!
BobYeah, well, close enough! So, we got a parking ticket.
DougAnd that's why we're mad. Good day.
BobGood day.
DougSo, uh, have you paid the ticket, yet?
BobYeah, I mailed it in.
DougHow'd you pay for it?
BobWith your share of our beer money. That beer you're drinking belongs to me. Give it back.
DougYou want it?
DougSNORK! (Doug backwashes into the beer) Still want it?
BobTake off!

Back Issues

The server with the back issues isn't up for the summer, so, like, you should have saved them or something. They'll be back, uh, when we go back to our fast connection. The links are on the back issues page, but they won't go anywhere. Sorry for all of you using them to play drinking games with, eh?

SCTV Airing in USA and Canada

Good day, eh? NBC is still showing SCTV in the former "Later" timeslot, which is usually Monday to Thursday, 1:35am to 2:05am. Check your listings, and find out when it's on. Who knows what episodes will be on, but maybe we'll be there, eh?

The Comedy Network in Canada is also showing two different syndicated episodes a day, and maybe they're in order, too. Check out the SCTV page and the SCTV News page for more info, eh?