March, 2000 The Hoser Weather: Ok, looking out the window of the Space Station, I see some places where there's clouds, and some places where there's no clouds. So, it's either raining or it's sunny where you are.
Vol. 3, No. 6

Hosers in Space

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobOkay, this is a really important topic, cause we got jobs, eh? Important jobs.
DougYeah, NASA called, and asked if we wanted to go into space? I told them my brother Bob would, but only to test the effects of space without a helmet. In space, no one can hear you belch, eh?
BobTake off. I think they really wanted to test the effects of beer in a weight-free environment.
DougAnd also so they can say they invited the Canadians on board, too, eh?
BobSo, we're writing this from the International Space Station. It's a beauty. We got a whole service module keeping our beer cold.
DougYeah, and we can't go home until we're finished everything. So, uh, I guess we'll be home tomorrow, eh?
BobUrp. Yeah, hand me another one, eh?
SFXSound of beer bottle opening
BobBeauty. Beer cap floats. Heh.
DougOk, let's see if the bottle floats, too.
SFXBottle floats around station, spewing beer all over
BobAw! Geez! Get me a towel, I'm hosed!
DougWethead! Ok, while hoser over there towels off, let's look out the window, eh?
BobThe folks at home can't see out the window, since they're reading this on the Internet!
DougTake off! Let me do my bit, now!
DougOk. Look out there. There's Italy, cause it looks like a boot.
BobYeah, I'll boot you!
DougAnd there's the country of Bob, cause it looks like a nobk!
BobWow, Doug can do poetry, too.
DougOk, we're coming over Great White North now. Look how huge it is! We finally get to laugh at all the hosers in Canada living in the cold. You get snow, and we get reprocessed oxygen!
BobWhat a tradeoff! Ok, now look out this window. Oh, yeah. You can't. But pretend you're with me, looking at the new space arm. Hey! There's a beer cap out there!
DougYeah, I was using the Canadarm to open my beers!
BobOh, great, now we've got space junk. You hoser!
DougThe Coleman's out there, too, eh?
BobWha? Why's the stove out there?
DougWell, when I was doing my space walk, I got hungry, so...
BobYou left the stove outside.
DougYeah. Then I remembered that fire doesn't burn in space, cause there's no oxygen to burn with.
BobWow. Were'd you learn that?
DougUh. Star Trek.
BobNice. I'm sure you all remember the episode when Mr. Spock was frying some back bacon and drinking beer with Dr. McCoy.
DougYeah, it was a beauty show. Anyway, to cook the back bacon, I'm gonna put some slabs of the stuff over the heat-sheilding tiles on the Shuttle when we go back home at the end of the month.
BobUm. What will that do?
DougThe friction with the atmosphere will warm up the back bacon, and it'll be cooked by the time we land. I learned that on Star Trek, too.
BobWell, it'll be better than the freeze-dried stuff they're making us eat now!
DougOk, well, we're out of space...
BobNo we're not, look out the window!
DougNot that space, hosehead! Space to put stuff in The Hoser!
BobOh, right. We're out, so good day.
DougGood day, eh?
BobGeez. I gotta take a leak. Where's the toilet on the Space Station?
DougThey won't bring that module up until next week.
BobUh oh.

Strange Brew 2 News

Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?

Back Issues

Ok, we got ourselves a server to put back issues on, but we're too cheap to get full time internet access. So, try out The Hoser Back Issues Site, and, like, if they don't work, try again later. That's what happens when you spend more money on beer than on internet. And that's the way it should be, too, eh?

SCTV Reruns

Howzit goin'? They're still showing SCTV in Canada on The Comedy Network, eh? And sometimes on NBC in the USA, too. Go to the SCTV page for more information, eh?