| March, 2000 |  |
Weather: Ok, looking out the window of the Space Station, I see some places where there's clouds, and some places where there's no clouds. So, it's either raining or it's sunny where you are. |
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| Vol. 3, No. 6 |
| March, 2000 | |
Weather: Ok, looking out the window of the Space Station, I see some places where there's clouds, and some places where there's no clouds. So, it's either raining or it's sunny where you are. |
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| Vol. 3, No. 6 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, welcome to the Hoser. |
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| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Okay, this is a really important topic, cause we got jobs, eh? Important jobs. |
| Doug | Yeah, NASA called, and asked if we wanted to go into space? I told them my brother Bob would, but only to test the effects of space without a helmet. In space, no one can hear you belch, eh? |
| Bob | Take off. I think they really wanted to test the effects of beer in a weight-free environment. |
| Doug | And also so they can say they invited the Canadians on board, too, eh? |
| Bob | So, we're writing this from the International Space Station. It's a beauty. We got a whole service module keeping our beer cold. |
| Doug | Yeah, and we can't go home until we're finished everything. So, uh, I guess we'll be home tomorrow, eh? |
| Bob | Urp. Yeah, hand me another one, eh? |
| SFX | Sound of beer bottle opening |
| Bob | Beauty. Beer cap floats. Heh. |
| Doug | Ok, let's see if the bottle floats, too. |
| SFX | Bottle floats around station, spewing beer all over |
| Bob | Aw! Geez! Get me a towel, I'm hosed! |
| Doug | Wethead! Ok, while hoser over there towels off, let's look out the window, eh? |
| Bob | The folks at home can't see out the window, since they're reading this on the Internet! |
| Doug | Take off! Let me do my bit, now! |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Ok. Look out there. There's Italy, cause it looks like a boot. |
| Bob | Yeah, I'll boot you! |
| Doug | And there's the country of Bob, cause it looks like a nobk! |
| Bob | Wow, Doug can do poetry, too. |
| Doug | Ok, we're coming over Great White North now. Look how huge it is! We finally get to laugh at all the hosers in Canada living in the cold. You get snow, and we get reprocessed oxygen! |
| Bob | What a tradeoff! Ok, now look out this window. Oh, yeah. You can't. But pretend you're with me, looking at the new space arm. Hey! There's a beer cap out there! |
| Doug | Yeah, I was using the Canadarm to open my beers! |
| Bob | Oh, great, now we've got space junk. You hoser! |
| Doug | The Coleman's out there, too, eh? |
| Bob | Wha? Why's the stove out there? |
| Doug | Well, when I was doing my space walk, I got hungry, so... |
| Bob | You left the stove outside. |
| Doug | Yeah. Then I remembered that fire doesn't burn in space, cause there's no oxygen to burn with. |
| Bob | Wow. Were'd you learn that? |
| Doug | Uh. Star Trek. |
| Bob | Nice. I'm sure you all remember the episode when Mr. Spock was frying some back bacon and drinking beer with Dr. McCoy. |
| Doug | Yeah, it was a beauty show. Anyway, to cook the back bacon, I'm gonna put some slabs of the stuff over the heat-sheilding tiles on the Shuttle when we go back home at the end of the month. |
| Bob | Um. What will that do? |
| Doug | The friction with the atmosphere will warm up the back bacon, and it'll be cooked by the time we land. I learned that on Star Trek, too. |
| Bob | Well, it'll be better than the freeze-dried stuff they're making us eat now! |
| Doug | Ok, well, we're out of space... |
| Bob | No we're not, look out the window! |
| Doug | Not that space, hosehead! Space to put stuff in The Hoser! |
| Bob | Oh, right. We're out, so good day. |
| Doug | Good day, eh? |
| Bob | Geez. I gotta take a leak. Where's the toilet on the Space Station? |
| Doug | They won't bring that module up until next week. |
| Bob | Uh oh. |
Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?
Ok, we got ourselves a server to put back issues on, but we're too cheap to get full time internet access. So, try out The Hoser Back Issues Site, and, like, if they don't work, try again later. That's what happens when you spend more money on beer than on internet. And that's the way it should be, too, eh?
Howzit goin'? They're still showing SCTV in Canada on The Comedy Network, eh? And sometimes on NBC in the USA, too. Go to the SCTV page for more information, eh?
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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