|February, 2000||Weather: If the groundhog sees his shadow when he wakes up from his winter hibernation, it means six more weeks of winter. If Bob sees his shadow when he wakes up from his winter hangover, it means he left the lights on in the van again.|
|Vol. 3, No. 5|
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
|Bob||Okay, good day, welcome to the Hoser.|
|Doug||How's it goin', eh?|
|Bob||Today the topic is...|
|Bob||Wha? Get out! Snowplows. The real topic is, uh, breakfast.|
|Doug||I want snowplows.|
|Bob||No, you don't. Ok, breakfast. What do we say about it?|
|Doug||They go down the street, eh? And if you parked the van at the side of the road, you're not getting it out 'till May.|
|Bob||You're still talking about that, eh?|
|Doug||I'm doing snowplows. You can do whatever topic you want, but people will listen to me, eh?|
|Bob||They will not. Besides, we've done snowplows before.|
|Bob||Ok, as I was saying, sometimes you get up before noon, eh?|
|Doug||Then you look out the window and see the snowplow block in the van.|
|Bob||Take off! You wake up early, and you can't eat lunch, so what do you do?|
|Doug||Get the shovel out and start shoveling.|
|Bob||Yeah, exactly. You get out some cereal and shovel it in, eh? But, like, what happens when you're out of milk?|
|Doug||Nothing, cause you don't need milk to dig out your van.|
|Bob||No, you use beer, instead.|
|Doug||Aw! Beer on cereal? That doesn't sound very tasty, eh?|
|Bob||Oh, so you're doing my topic now, eh?|
|Doug||Huh? No! Only 'cause you tricked me, eh?|
|Bob||You tricked yourself.|
|Bob||Ok, so, when you wake up early, like maybe you weren't out at the donut place at 3 am or something...|
|Doug||That's when the snowplows go by, too.|
|Bob||...and you get hungry, and you're out of milk for your cereal, you just use beer. Or lite beer, if you use skim milk.|
|Doug||Or like maybe you want to drink some coffee, so you use ice beer instead of cream.|
|Bob||Beauty. You're doing my topic again.|
|Bob||You take off! Anyway, whatever way you do it, have some beer for breakfast. Then you'll be ready to shovel out the van.|
|Doug||SNORK! Now you're doing my topic!|
Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?
Ok, we got ourselves a server to put back issues on, but we're too cheap to get full time internet access. So, try out The Hoser Back Issues Site, and, like, if they don't work, try again later. That's what happens when you spend more money on beer than on internet. And that's the way it should be, too, eh?
Howzit goin'? They're still showing SCTV in Canada on The Comedy Network, eh? And sometimes on NBC in the USA, too. Go to the SCTV page for more information, eh?
|CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION|
THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION.
My main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Send me your questions or comments about anything on the site to email@example.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about.
Copyright ©1997-2000 Chris "Bob" Odorjan