|January, 2000||Weather: Make sure you got lots of jumper cables, cause the van's real big, and you'll need more than one set to get around it. Don't use speaker wire. It doesn't work, and the speakers blow up, eh?|
|Vol. 3, No. 4|
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
|Bob||Okay, good day, welcome to the Hoser.|
|Doug||How's it goin', eh? Welcome to 2000.|
|Bob||Ok, today the topic is the year 2000. Like, what's so important, eh?|
|Doug||Y'know how the van reached 1000000 a few years ago?|
|Bob||Oh, yeah. That was neat.|
|Doug||And how it didn't go to 1000000, but started over at zero?|
|Bob||Yeah. We should have sold it then, eh?|
|Doug||Make it look like we only drove it 12 kilos since we bought it, eh?|
|Bob||With no screwdriver marks around the odometer this time, too.|
|Doug||Beauty, eh? Tell them our grandma had it for twenty-five years, and only used it to go to the grocery store, or something.|
|Bob||Why didn't we sell it?|
|Bob||I was afraid you'd use the proceeds to buy beer, eh?|
|Doug||Yeah, good idea. Maybe next time.|
|Bob||What were we talking about?|
|Doug||Uh. 2000? When you only look at the last two digits, the calendar does the same as the van.|
|Doug||See my new tuque?|
|Bob||I can, but readers at home can't.|
|Doug||Ok, I call it my "Y" tuque.|
|Bob||Why? Cause you stole it from the YMCA. Kinduv a cheesy song, hoser.|
|Doug||No, hosehead, so I can say I'm wearing my "Y" tuque, eh?|
|Doug||Get it? My "Y" tuque, eh? Y2k? You been under a rock the past four years?|
|Bob||Yeah, I've been living with you.|
|Bob||How much did you drink on New Year's? I think that's why you're spouting nonsense.|
|Doug||I always spout nonsense. New Year's is over?|
|Bob||Yeah. You mean you haven't stopped drinking yet?|
|Doug||No, no one told me, eh?|
|Bob||You've been loaded since 1999!|
|Doug||1979, but who's counting? What about you?|
|Bob||Ok, I've had a couple.|
|Doug||Yeah, a couple of kegs worth.|
Ok, we got ourselves a server to put back issues on, but we're too cheap to get full time internet access. So, try out The Hoser Back Issues Site, and, like, if they don't work, try again later. That's what happens when you spend more money on beer than on internet. And that's the way it should be, too, eh?
Okay, every year people ask for the lyrics to Twelve Days of Christmas. So, we put them here, eh? Play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do. So good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell you what to get your true love for Christmas...
Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?
Howzit goin'? They're still showing SCTV in Canada on The Comedy Network, eh? And sometimes on NBC in the USA, too. Go to the SCTV page for more information, eh?
|CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION|
THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION.
My main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Send me your questions or comments about anything on the site to firstname.lastname@example.org. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about.
Copyright ©1997-2000 Chris "Bob" Odorjan