July, 2000 The Hoser Weather: It's gonna be hot this month, so cool off by going swimming. Take your tuque off, first.
Vol. 3, No. 10

How To Speak Canadian, Part 1

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, welcome to the Hoser.
DougHowzit goin', eh?
BobToday the topic is the Canadian language.
DougYeah, people think that Canadians speak English. But, like, we don't, eh?
BobYeah, it's like a dialect, eh? It sounds like English, and you can probably understand us if you're not from the Great White North. But we're not speaking English.
DougNeat, eh? Go, hoser.
BobThere's a good one. Canadians are real polite, eh? So when you want to insult a guy without swearing or something, just call him a "hoser".
DougAnd we say "take off" instead of other things.
BobWell, we say that when we're on TV or movies or internet.
DougYeah, well, I'll have to wash your mouth out with soap later.
BobTake off! I mean...
DougOh, good example of the common usage, eh?
DougThere's another one.
BobWha? Oh. "Beauty" is another word we use.
DougWhat's it mean?
BobUh. I'm not sure, but it's neat. Repeat after me, folks. Say "beauty".
BobOk, I knew you could.
DougSuddenly this has become "You Are Our Guest, Part II".
BobYeah, we got the readers to say "beauty".
DougOk, I've got one! Look under there, eh?
YouUnder where, Doug?
DougSNORK! I just got you to say "underwear"!
BobGeez. How old are you?
DougOld enough to drink, that's all I know.
BobYeah, right. What else do Canadians say?
BobI said, what else do Canadians say?
DougI heard you. I say "eh?"
BobEh? Oh, eh?!
DougYeah. You may have noticed that we occasionally insert the word "eh?" at the end of our sentences, eh?
YouOccasionally, Doug?
DougOk, maybe it's more than that, eh? Um...
BobYeah, but what does it mean?
DougUh, it's like "beauty", it's neat.
BobTake off. It has to have a meaning, otherwise we wouldn't say it.
DougOk, well, maybe it means "my brother is a hoser." Then when I say "take off, eh?" I'm really saying "take off, my brother is a hoser".
BobCould be, eh?
DougTake off. Eh?
BobOk, maybe it means whatever you think it means.
DougSo, take it in context, eh?
BobOk. So what you meant was "take it in context, do you know what I mean?"
DougYeah, that's the English way of saying that. The Canadian way uses less syllables.
BobAnd with the price of gas the way it is, we need to save energy by using words with less syllables, eh?
DougGood one.
BobYeah. From now on, I'll talk with monosyllabic words.
You"Monosyllabic" has more than one syllable, Bob.
BobAre you still here?
DougTake off! Don't make him leave!
BobOk. Sorry.
YouNo way, you hosers. You're out of space for this month, eh?
DougHey, he's right.
BobYep. In that case, that's the topic for this month, good day.
DougGood day, eh?
BobBeauty idea for a topic!
DougYeah, good thing I thought of it.
BobYou? Yeah, right. I thought of it, alone.
DougTake off!

Action Figures

The Bob and Doug McKenzie "action figures" are finally out. Look for them at your local comic book store, or if you don't have one, go to Spawn Toys and order them over then internet, eh?

Back Issues

We keep promising the back issues, but they still aren't up. Fear not! The original files are still here, we just have to fix some stuff up. (Like, Doug's name was spelled "McKeznie" on the first year and a half. We also spelled tuque a whole bunch of different ways, too.)

SCTV Reruns

Good day. The fine folks at The Comedy Network in Canada are still showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, but now only a couple times a week. Check out the SCTV page for more info, eh?

Strange Brew 2 News

Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, our action figures, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?