|June, 1999||Weather: That cloudy stuff might be fog, but it's probably smoke comin' from the van, eh?!|
|Vol. 2, No. 9|
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
|Bob||Okay, good day, and welcome to the Hoser.|
|Doug||Good day, eh?|
|Bob||This month we've got a really good topic, cause it can save your life, eh? We're gonna tell you how to cook back bacon on your van.|
|Doug||Yeah, if your van gets stuck, you can still eat, eh? Go, hoser.|
|Bob||Okay. We were driving down the 401 the other day, eh? And like, hosehead here had 40 cases of empties stacked in the back of the van, eh?|
|Doug||I was thirsty, cause it was warm out, eh?|
|Bob||Yeah, decent, only they weighed the van down so much, and it was a hot day, so the engine got too hot.|
|Doug||The little warning light came on, which surprised me, cause I thought all the fuses were burnt out, eh?|
|Bob||Anyway, the van caught fire.|
|Doug||There were flames coming from under the hood. Fortunately, we got it out by driving it into the ditch on the side of the road.|
|Bob||Good thing, cause we got 96 dollars from the empties, and it gave us a good idea. Since the engine of the van gets real hot, why not cook food on it?|
|Doug||Yeah, when we got home we put some back bacon on the engine, and started it up. Too bad it was out of gas.|
|Bob||But it was a good idea. So next time you drive to Toronto and get stuck in traffic and are really hungry, you can get out and fry up some back bacon.|
|Doug||Or, like, when you're camping, you don't even need to bring a Coleman with you, just a van.|
|Bob||Oh, and you probably don't need a van, cause it might work on other vehicles, but we've never tried it.|
|Doug||Yeah, just make sure you've got plenty of gasoline, unlike hosehead, here.|
|Bob||Lay off, eh?|
|Doug||Don't forget to tell them how it saves your life.|
|Bob||Ok, if you get lost or something in the woods, and you don't have a Coleman or any cold ones with you, just take out some back bacon and put it on the van.|
|Doug||Good idea, eh? Good thing I thought of it.|
|Bob||Take off, you did not! That's our topic, good day.|
|Doug||Good day, eh?|
Ok, we've got more info on our movie, eh? We start our own brewing company, so we're calling it Home Brew, eh? And, we're gonna start filming in July in Toronto, eh? So, here's the Canoe article, and there's always info on alt.tv.sctv, eh?
Howzit goin'? They're still showing SCTV on the Comedy Network in Canada, eh, and sometimes on NBC in the USA, too. Go to the SCTV page for more information, eh?
|CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION|
THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION.
My main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Send me your questions or comments about anything on the site to firstname.lastname@example.org. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about.
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