January, 1999 The Hoser Weather: Put the snow chains on your tires, eh? Unless you never took them off and drove all summer with them on, eh?
Vol. 2, No. 4


by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, and welcome to the Hoser.
DougGood day, eh?
BobOkay, eh? Today's New Year's, right? So, we have a lot of empties from last night.
Doug(Belches real loud)
BobOh, way to blow the whole paper, eh?
DougSorry, must have been all those beers last night.
BobYeah, right. Anyways, we got lots of empty bottles, and we were gonna take them to the Beer Store to get our refund, right?
DougYeah, we loaded up the van with all the cases, right, and drove to the store.
BobBut my hosehead brother forgot that the Beer Store's closed on holidays like New Year's, right?
DougGet out, eh? You obviously forgot too, or else we wouldn't have gone, eh?
BobHoser. So we had all these beers in the back, right?
DougAnd we had to drive home, but ran out of gas, eh?
BobYeah, cause we were gonna use the money from the refund to pay for the gas, eh?
DougSo we were stranded at the Beer Store, and it wasn't even open! Neither were the donut places, either.
BobAnd all the beer we had was the stuff in the bottom of the empties, right? Then I had an idea. We took all the beer and poured it in the gas tank, cause, like, alcohol burns, eh? Then we had enough to drive home and siphon from one of our neighbour's tanks.
DougYeah. How'd you know that alcohol burns, anyway?
BobUm... I saw it on Star Trek once.
DougGet out! You did not. I think you're tuqueing my underpants!
BobOr maybe not. Way to blow my story, you nobk!
DougTake off, eh?!

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Ok, every year, lots of people start asking for the lyrics to our Christmas song, The Twelve Days Of Christmas. So we put them on The Hoser, this year, and gave them their own section, even. So, anyway, here's the Twelve Days Of Christmas.

Strange Brew 2

Good day, eh? It took a year, but we've finally finished writing the script for our new movie, eh? Read the article that appeared in the Toronto Sun (and on alt.tv.sctv).