|January, 1999||Weather: Put the snow chains on your tires, eh? Unless you never took them off and drove all summer with them on, eh?|
|Vol. 2, No. 4|
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
|Bob||Okay, good day, and welcome to the Hoser.|
|Doug||Good day, eh?|
|Bob||Okay, eh? Today's New Year's, right? So, we have a lot of empties from last night.|
|Doug||(Belches real loud)|
|Bob||Oh, way to blow the whole paper, eh?|
|Doug||Sorry, must have been all those beers last night.|
|Bob||Yeah, right. Anyways, we got lots of empty bottles, and we were gonna take them to the Beer Store to get our refund, right?|
|Doug||Yeah, we loaded up the van with all the cases, right, and drove to the store.|
|Bob||But my hosehead brother forgot that the Beer Store's closed on holidays like New Year's, right?|
|Doug||Get out, eh? You obviously forgot too, or else we wouldn't have gone, eh?|
|Bob||Hoser. So we had all these beers in the back, right?|
|Doug||And we had to drive home, but ran out of gas, eh?|
|Bob||Yeah, cause we were gonna use the money from the refund to pay for the gas, eh?|
|Doug||So we were stranded at the Beer Store, and it wasn't even open! Neither were the donut places, either.|
|Bob||And all the beer we had was the stuff in the bottom of the empties, right? Then I had an idea. We took all the beer and poured it in the gas tank, cause, like, alcohol burns, eh? Then we had enough to drive home and siphon from one of our neighbour's tanks.|
|Doug||Yeah. How'd you know that alcohol burns, anyway?|
|Bob||Um... I saw it on Star Trek once.|
|Doug||Get out! You did not. I think you're tuqueing my underpants!|
|Bob||Or maybe not. Way to blow my story, you nobk!|
|Doug||Take off, eh?!|
Ok, every year, lots of people start asking for the lyrics to our Christmas song, The Twelve Days Of Christmas. So we put them on The Hoser, this year, and gave them their own section, even. So, anyway, here's the Twelve Days Of Christmas.
Good day, eh? It took a year, but we've finally finished writing the script for our new movie, eh? Read the article that appeared in the Toronto Sun (and on alt.tv.sctv).
|CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION|
THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION.
My main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Send me your questions or comments about anything on the site to email@example.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about.
Copyright ©1997-1999 Chris "Bob" Odorjan