May, 2007 The Hoser Weather: Thanks to global warming it's like summer and really warm right so don't let the cops tell you that you can't sit on the front porch in just a tuque and underpants eh!
Vol. 10, No. 8

Cinco De Mayonnaise

by Bob McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSo welcome to our celebration of Cinco de Mayo, eh! Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday and from the sounds of it it's a big contest to see if mayonnaise will sink.
DougYeah, I believe it's Spanish for "Sink-o the Mayo".
BobWow. How did you know that?
DougI read a lot, eh.
BobOh yeah? Where'd you read that?
DougUh... probably on the back of a mayonnaise jar or something.
BobBeauty. So it must be a pretty big deal cause you see it on the news all the time, right?
DougYeah, and it's harder than it looks, cause we've got five different kinds of mayonnaise here and we can't get any of them to sink at all, eh!
BobWe was in our neighbour's pool and he was pretty mad that we tried it with the tops off the jars.
DougWell I figured the water would run in and fill the jars and get rid of all the air and weigh them down, eh! I didn't realize it would all slime out.
BobHey, he should be thanking us that he no longer needs a solar cover.
DougReally, eh! So we tried the regular stuff, the stuff made with whole eggs...
BobDon't forget the salad dressing, eh!
DougYeah, two types of salad dressing. We even got some No Name™ brand mayonnaise!
BobDid you just say the trademark symbol?
DougI did cause it's a brand name! Besides, this is on the Internet, it's written, not spoken.
BobWell, not anymore, eh! There's videos and sounds and pictures and everything online now! It hasn't been just written since 1997!
DougSo? The design of this site hasn't been updated since 1997, either.
BobWe should do something about that, eh?
DougYeah, and... (eats a spoonful of mayonnaise) ..geez, this stuff is pretty good! I can see why they'd hold parties in its honour.
BobAw geez. At least get some fries or something to eat it with!
DougYou want some?
BobOh. Okay. (takes a spoonful) Hey wait, maybe Cinco de Mayo isn't got anything to do with sinking mayonnaise jars, but is just a celebration of uh, the invention of mayonnaise.
DougCould be, eh?
DougHey, it's our reader!
BobWhaddya want?!
DougOh, way to be polite, eh!
BobOh, sorry. Uh, you were saying, reader?
YouYou guys realize that Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with mayonnaise, right?
BobWhat? No way, it's got "Mayo" in the name!
YouIt's a holiday to celebrate the Mexican Victory over French forces on May 5, 1862.
DougWhy didn't they just call it May The Fifth, then?
YouCinco de Mayo is Spanish for "May The Fifth", you nobk!
DougAw geez!
BobHey, they shoulda held the battle three weeks later and called it May Two-Four, eh!
DougThat'd be great. Then they could get not only a two-four of beer, but also five jars of mayonnaise, and...
YouYou guys are a bunch of hosers.
BobOh yeah? Well take off!
YouFine, I will!
SFXdoor slamming
DougGeez, how come we always end up annoying our readers, eh?
BobIt's your fault.
DougTake off, eh!

Two-four of Strange Brew

by Bob and Doug McKenzie

Attention all hosers who get the CBC, eh! (That means just about every Canadian plus a bunch of people with bootleg satellite hookups!) The 24th anniversary of the release of Strange Brew is coming up and in honour of the occasion the CBC will be showing a special on Victoria Day (aka. May Two-Four) weekend! Check your local listings, but Strange Brew should be on Sunday, May 20 at 7:00pm and the Two-Four Anniversary at 9:00pm, eh!