January, 2007 The Hoser Weather: Next time there's a light snowfall, shovel out both your own and your neighbour's driveways. Then when there's lots of snow, you can tell him it's his turn.
Vol. 10, No. 4

The Miracle Of The Rerun

by Doug McKenzie, Editor 

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 

BobOkay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug.
DougHow's it goin', eh?
BobSo today the topic is TV reruns. And go!
DougOkay, good day, I'm... Doug McKenzie, and this is my brother Bob.
BobNo, take off! This isn't a rerun!
DougSo welcome to the first issue of The Hoser.
BobThis isn't the first issue! There's been like two-hundred!
DougTwo-hundred? Take off! I'm your host Doug, and this is my butler Bob... er, Bobert. Robert! Yeah, my butler Robert.
BobYou said "host", I think you meant to say "hoser".
DougWould you get me a beer, Robert?
BobI'm not your butler, and even if I was I'd say get yer own beer!
DougYeah, well irregardless of whether you're my butler or not, you're fired!
BobTake off!
DougYou take off!
BobWhat's this gotta do with our topic?
DougIt's a rerun.
BobI don't remember that show.
DougThe network is airing them out of order. The original will air, uh, sometime in 2008. Next time we're on hiatus.
BobOh, okay, back on topic. Like we used to get annoyed in the summer when the TV networks would show the same shows over and over again.
DougYeah, like they were makin' new episodes of the shows we watched! When were the new episodes of Star Trek? Cause last I checked, they were made in the 60s!
BobWhat about the Next Generation?
DougWhich one was that?
BobThe one with the bald guy.
DougCaptain Kirk?
BobNo, the one who wasn't wearing a toupée.
DougI don't remember that one.
BobMaybe that's cause you were loaded through most of the 1980s.
DougGeez, could be, eh!
BobBut that brings us to the next part of the topic.
DougOkay. Reruns. Good day, I'm Doug McKenzie...
BobNo way! Get out! You're not doin' that joke again!
DougAnd this is my butler...
BobI think you're still loaded, 20 years later.
DougGimme another beer.
BobNo way, you're too loaded to even do this show. Start over, with just me!
DougOh, now you wanna do a rerun, eh?
BobWe're gonna have to do a rerun, cause this one's goin' nowhere!
DougWe're goin' nowhere too, so hand me another beer.
BobAw geez. (hands Doug a beer)
DougBeauty, eh! Told you he was my butler.
BobGeez. Anyway, now hosebagger over here can watch all the episodes of Star Trek that he missed thanks to the miracle of the rerun.
DougOr I could just get them on DVD and watch them at my leisure.
BobYour leisure? Star Trek is on like 23 hours a day. And good thing too, cause you'd need an hour to take a leak after sitting there all day and drinkin' beer like you are now. Besides, DVDs cost money. Especially the Star Trek ones.
DougNot if you know the right places to get them.
Bob(waving his hands in the air) No, take off! We're not gonna start talking about bootlegs again! Last time the cops showed up and we almost got arrested! This show's supposed to be about reruns.
DougReruns? Oh, okay.
BobAh geez.
DougI'm Doug McKenzie, this is my brother... er, butler...
BobSee? Told ya I wasn't his butler!
DougRobert. Robert, would you please hand me another beer?
BobHuh? What happened to the one I just gave you?
DougI finished it, eh!
BobTake off!
DougNo see? It's gone! (shows Bob the empty bottle)
BobHoly... you're gonna feel a rerun of that in a moment.
BobSee, I...
DougAw geez! (starts fanning the scent over to Bob)
BobAw! Get out! Take off! What did you eat?
DougNothin'! I've been drinkin' beer all day!
BobSpeakin' of reruns from the 80s! I think you've been saving that since then!
DougCould be, eh!
BobSo anyway, we're outa time. I guess we'll have to finish our discussion of reruns some other time.
DougYeah: next month, when this episode airs again.
BobI think we're gonna have a new episode by then.
DougNew episode? Okay. Good day, I'm Doug McKenzie! This is my butler Robert!
BobTake off, you hoser!