| October, 2006 |  |
Weather: It's gonna be a cold one this month so go get yourself a cold one. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 10, No. 1 |
| October, 2006 | |
Weather: It's gonna be a cold one this month so go get yourself a cold one. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 10, No. 1 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
|---|---|
| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Okay, so we're a little late this month, but we can explain. |
| Doug | (pointing at Bob) He passed out eh! |
| Bob | Yeah, so did you! |
| Doug | Oh, okay, eh? |
| Bob | Now tell them why. |
| Doug | I will. So this is a long story right and it's gonna take a long time for me to tell it eh so I suggest you get a cold one and start up the Coleman and put your feet on the table and listen real good eh cause it's a good story. |
| Bob | No it's not. |
| Doug | Wha? Fine! You can tell it. |
| Bob | Oh, okay, it was better than that. It's an okay story. |
| Doug | Okay. |
| Bob | Okay. You gonna tell it? |
| Doug | Yeah, but you gotta help, my memory ain't what it used to be. |
| Bob | It was never what it used to be. |
| Doug | So we were at the Beer Store the other day, right? And the truck pulled up to the delivery dock where we parked and he said "move your van or I'll run it over, eh!" |
| Bob | And cause he was driving a big transport and we was only in the van we decided to move, eh? |
| Doug | Yeah, but then we saw him takin' big kegs out of the truck and into the store! |
| Bob | Just let me point out that it's not a surprise to us that the beer companies make kegs. We've known that for years. Well, one or two years at least. |
| Doug | Yeah, but we thought you had to be a restaurant or a bar or something to get them. But that's no restaurant or bar, that's the Beer Store! |
| Bob | The Beer Store. The store for... oh, play the music. |
| Doug | Alright, this is gonna be a big production. (he takes a tape deck from the floor, puts it on the table, and presses play) |
| Music | Rush - The Spirit Of Radio |
| Bob | What? No! Take off! |
| Doug | Oh, sorry, eh? (he presses fast-forward, the sound screeches as the tape gets mangled) Aw no! |
| Bob | Geez, you're blowin' the floor with tape! |
| Doug | I told you we shoulda used a CD! |
| Bob | Yeah well if you hadn't've used the CD burner as a drink holder we could have! |
| Doug | Well maybe you didn't tell me that was a joke. |
| Bob | If you didn't get it, then... |
| Doug | I believed him, eh! (points at Bob) |
| Bob | You're a hoser. |
| Doug | Am not. |
| Bob | Are too. |
| Doug | Am not. |
| Bob | Are too. |
| Doug | Am so. |
| Bob | Are not. I mean... |
| Doug | I win, eh! |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Okay, I think I got the tape fixed. (he presses play) Here's our big production. |
| Music | O Canada! |
| Bob | The Beer Store. The store of the common man! |
| Doug | Yeah. |
| Bob | The store where anyone, regardless of wealth, social status, or age can get a cold, fresh-brewed case of two-four. |
| Doug | As long as you're 19. (he turns the volume up) |
| Bob | The store made for you and me! |
| Music | BTO - Takin' Care Of Business |
| Doug | Geez, what the? |
| Bob | Turn it off, eh! We can't afford music royalties on this show! |
| Doug | Boy, good thing we're text-only. |
| Bob | Yeah, everyone out there hearin' the song in your heads, stop now! We can't afford it! |
| Doug | Geez. So where were we after that long overly-drawn out musical number? |
| Bob | Oh yeah. The point is anyone can get kegs at the Beer Store. You just gotta order them. |
| Doug | Oh right. So we did. And a week or so later we picked them up. |
| Bob | And by "picked them up" we shoulda said "got a fork lift". |
| Doug | Well that's what we shoulda done. My back's still sore. Those things are the equivalent of almost eight cases of two-four! You know how much eight cases weighs? |
| Bob | Well I do now. |
| Doug | Geez. |
| Bob | So they gave us a hand pump to get the beer out, but that's too slow, eh? |
| Doug | Yeah, so we just drilled a hole in the side. |
| Bob | That was a mistake. |
| Doug | Yeah. |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| Doug | Anyway, without the pump to keep the keg pressurized, and a big hole in the side, it started to go flat right away, so we drank it. |
| Bob | Four cases of beer. I don't even know how many days it took us, but we did it. |
| Doug | Yeah, and we even managed to keep it cold, too. |
| Bob | So anyway, we weren't feeling too good, and I think we slept for about a week, and that's why The Hoser is late this month. |
| Doug | 'Kay. |
| Bob | 'Kay. That's The Hoser for this month. Good day. |
| Doug | Good day, eh! (to Bob) You want a beer? |
| Bob | No. |
| Doug | Me neither. |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
So good day, and it's been nine years since we started doin' The Hoser online. And that's a lot of issues, and a lot of beer consumed thinkin' of these. And backbacon. And donuts. And good day, eh?
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