| May, 2006 |  |
Weather: Look at the calendar. It's May, that means it's supposed to be warm and flowers are gonna open and give you allergies. So stay inside where it's cool and drink beer instead. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 8 |
| May, 2006 | |
Weather: Look at the calendar. It's May, that means it's supposed to be warm and flowers are gonna open and give you allergies. So stay inside where it's cool and drink beer instead. |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 9, No. 8 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
|---|---|
| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Okay, show them what we found. |
| Doug | See here? Oh wait. |
| Bob | Yeah, they can't see us cause we're on the Internet. |
| Doug | They could see us. |
| Bob | Yeah, if we had a webcam or something. |
| Doug | But who'd want to? |
| Bob | Well, they'd wanna see me. But we'd have to censor you. |
| Doug | Ah geez. |
| Bob | Put a big blue blob over your face. |
| Doug | Get out. |
| Bob | Or one of those fuzzy blur things over your whole body, cause like we don't wanna be Z-rated for excessive ugliness or anything. |
| Doug | Z-rated?! |
| Bob | Yeah! |
| Doug | Did you just make that up? |
| Bob | Yeah!! |
| Doug | Beauty. So The Hoser is now Z-rated. |
| Bob | Good. So show... uh... tell them about the calendar. |
| Doug | Okay, so since you can't see it, here's a calendar from 1997, and like there's all sorts of neat things on it. Here's the month of May. |
| Bob | That's this month! |
| Doug | Only eight years later! |
| Bob | (counting) You mean nine. |
| Doug | Isn't this 2005? |
| Bob | No! It's 2006! |
| Doug | Well what happened to New Year's? |
| Bob | As usual you slept through it after drinking three dozen beers before midnight! |
| Doug | Oh yeah! I forgot. So yeah. Nine years later. |
| Bob | Oh geez! |
| Doug | What? |
| Bob | I was supposed to visit the dentist on the 14th. |
| Doug | Oh. That reminds me! They called on the 13th to confirm your appointment, I forgot to tell you. |
| Bob | You remember that from nine years ago? |
| Doug | No. |
| Bob | Geez. |
| Doug | But they probably did call. |
| Bob | Yeah, that explains why they keep sending me bills. |
| Doug | Could be, eh! |
| Bob | So anyway, here's the real reason we're showing you this calendar! |
| Doug | Yeah, look right there. Um... |
| Bob | They can't see it, eh! |
| Doug | I know, I know. So if you could see us on our webcam, you could look at the 19th and in the text it says "Victoria Day" and in brackets "Canada". |
| Bob | So what's up with that, eh? |
| Doug | Yeah! |
| Bob | We've always called that May Two-Four, cause it's always around the twenty-fourth... |
| Doug | And cause that's how many beers you're supposed to drink, eh! |
| Bob | Yeah. The holiday conemmerates... |
| Doug | Connemmmmmmerates?!?! Wow, you're celebrating early this month! |
| Bob | Uh, com-mem-or-ate! Commemortates the two-four of beer, a case of twenty-four beers invented in 1871 by uh, our ancestor, Sir Robert of McKenzie. |
| Doug | Sir Robert?! I heard it was Sir Douglas! |
| Bob | No way, that's a stupid name. |
| Doug | You take off! |
| Bob | No, you take off! |
| Doug | SNNOOOORRRKKK!!!!! |
| Bob | Okay, okay! You win! Sir Rob... Douglas of McKenzie invented the two-four on the long weekend in May 1871, and ever since we've had a holiday in his honour. |
| Doug | Yeah, except now some chick named Victoria wants her name on it! |
| Bob | Yeah! Who does she think she is? The Queen of England? |
| Doug | Exactly! |
| SFX | phone rings |
| Bob | What the? |
| Doug | It's the phone. |
| SFX | phone rings |
| Bob | I know it's the phone! But it never rings during our show. |
| Doug | It rang about five months ago. |
| SFX | phone rings |
| Bob | Um. |
| Doug | You gonna answer it? |
| Bob | (picks up the receiver) Hello? |
| You | Bob? |
| Bob | Yeah? |
| You | This is one of your readers speaking. |
| Doug | We have readers? |
| You | Yes, Doug. |
| Bob | Geez! He can hear you! Don't insult our readers, eh! |
| Doug | Sorry, eh? |
| You | Do you guys even know who Queen Victoria was? |
| Doug | Uh. |
| Bob | No. |
| You | She really was the Queen of England, you nobks, and if you two hoseheads didn't waste your time making up silly stories to justify every day you take off work and actually looked at the calendar for once them maybe you would have known that, eh? |
| Doug | Yeah, well big deal, I don't see what being the Queen has to do with drinking beer. |
| Bob | I've seen her daughter-in-law. |
| Doug | Good point. |
| You | I don't know why I'm bothering with you two, forget it! |
| Bob | Yeah well: take off! |
| You | You can both take off! |
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
|---|
The Hoser |
|
BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2006 Chris "Bob" Odorjan