| May, 2004 |  |
Weather: Partially sunny with a chance of rain. And maybe some wind. Or not. We just make this up, eh? |
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| Vol. 7, No. 8 |
| May, 2004 | |
Weather: Partially sunny with a chance of rain. And maybe some wind. Or not. We just make this up, eh? |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 7, No. 8 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | So like this month the topic is fake IDs, and like why you'd want one. Now go. |
| Doug | Okay, so like we're making fake ID cards with our computer, right? Like we made fake fishing licenses for ourselves and it fooled those Ministry of Natural Resources guys. |
| Bob | Yeah, that was a beauty. Next year I'm gonna make some extra ones and take them with us when we go ice fishing. |
| Doug | Why extra ones? |
| Bob | You know, so like the Ministry guys show up and say "can we see your fishing licenses" so like we show them ours and then like the one for someone like "Elron" McKenzie. See, here's the one I made for him (picks card off of table and shows it). |
| Doug | But Elron won't be there. |
| Bob | Well, we'll just tell them that he went to take a leak, or get some more beer, or get his snowmobile out of the lake or something. And then we get to take more fish home, since we get the limit for him, too! |
| Doug | Oh beauty idea, eh! |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| Doug | Okay, I've got an idea. We should make fake IDs for teenagers who wanna buy beer, so they don't do like you did when you were a kid. |
| Bob | No, take off! Don't tell them about that! |
| Doug | Oh, I'm gonna. Okay, so hoser over here decides to get some beer but he's only 18 right so he goes down to the Beer Store back when it was still called "Brewer's Retail" right? |
| Bob | Geez. |
| Doug | So like this was a long time ago but back then they only had two prices for beer like domestic and import and the sign on the wall just said "Domestic $12.99, Import $14.99" or whatever the prices were right? And then hoser here's in the store and when he gets to the front of the line and the guy behind the counter asks him what he wants, he says "I'd like twenty-four domestics, eh!" and then he got kicked out. |
| Bob | You hoser. |
| Doug | Whew! That was a long sentence, eh! |
| Bob | You need to learn what the period and comma are for. Why'd ya have to tell them that story? |
| Doug | Cause it makes sense, since we're talking about fake IDs and if you had one it could have prevented you from getting booted out of the store! |
| Bob | No it wouldn't! I woulda still said "twenty-four domestics" and then they guy behind the counter still woulda said "you're too young to buy beer" and woulda kicked me out. |
| Doug | The way I heard it, he said "you're too dumb to buy beer". |
| Bob | You hoser. |
| Doug | You're the hoser! |
| Bob | No, it's you! |
| Doug | Yeah? Well at least I never tried to buy beer like that! |
| Bob | Geez! So anyway, you kids out there, get our fake IDs! |
| Doug | No, take off! Don't advertise them! That would be illegal! |
| Bob | Huh? Oh yeah. Hey, maybe we shouldn't have told anyone about the fake fishing licenses, either. |
| Doug | Why not? |
| Bob | The cops might be reading this! Or even the Ministry guys! |
| Doug | Uh oh. Good point. So um, I'm not Doug. I'm... Elron McKenzie. See, here's my driver's license (picks up license off table and shows it). So, uh, if you're gonna arrest someone, go get Elron McKenzie, not Doug McKenzie. |
| Bob | And uh, I'm (picks another license off the table and reads it) Doug McKenzie. No, wait. |
| Doug | No, take off! Get another name! |
| Bob | Forget it, we're out of space! Good day! |
| Doug | Good day, eh! And don't arrest me. Just him (points to Bob). |
| Bob | Take off! |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is gonna be out on DVD in June, eh! So like plan to get it and watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. Check out the article and the review, eh!
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
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