The Hoser

August, 2003		Weather: It's gonna be hot this month eh so like stay in a cool place like your basement with the beer you're making and guard it from hosers who want to try a sample before it's done like your hosehead brother eh!
Vol. 6, No. 11

Summer School

by Doug McKenzie, Editor

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor

Bob	Good day, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug!
Doug	How's it goin', eh?
Bob	Okay, so like we're going to summer school now, eh!
Doug	Take off, we are not!
Bob	Yeah, we are!
Doug	No way, eh! Summer school is like what they called it when I failed English in grade ten and like if I didn't go then they'd kick me out of school!
Bob	Get out. Then what do you call this? We're at school, and it's summer.
Doug	Well, we're not really at school, but it is summer.
Bob	So it's uh... summer classes.
Doug	We're taking a correspondence course, you nobk!
Bob	Oh yeah, that's what it's called.
Doug	Hoser.
Bob	So anyway, we're taking a correspondence course for beer making, eh!
Doug	Yeah, Beer Making 101.
Bob	Or "Brewing 101" as they call it.
Doug	Oh yeah. So first of all, we thought there'd be a lot of sampling, but apparently there's no sampling till the end of the class.
Bob	Our class project. We're graded on how the beer tastes.
Doug	If it's drinkable.
Bob	Yeah, the instructor told us if anyone's beer smells bad he's not gonna sample any and like they'll fail the class.
Doug	So we asked him if we could keep the beer that smelled bad for ourselves. Cause like once you drink like a six-pack or three you don't really care how the next beer tastes.
Bob	So he said "okay, good idea cause that way it won't go to waste" so beauty, eh!
Doug	I think he knows us or something.
Bob	Yeah. Anyway, making beer isn't as easy as we thought. You need like malt which is like a grain eh and then sugar that'll turn into alcohol and yeast to ferment everything and like hops which aren't things that hop around but are like flowers that taste good in beer.
Doug	Yeah, then you take like all the ingredients right and put them in hot water and mix it up to make wort which not only has a disgusting name but actually looks disgusting right and then like put it somewhere cool and dark so like in our basement behind like the furnace right cause like it won't be on in the summer anyway.
Bob	Beauty. So now in a few days we're gonna siphon it out into bottles right so like this is probably the first time we've ever used a siphon for something other than gas, eh?
Doug	Yeah. I didn't even know they could be used for other liquids.
Bob	Me neither.
Doug	Yeah, so like we use the siphon to pour it into bottles and like I'm not even sure if we should bother capping them right cause like we're just gonna drink them anyway.
Bob	What about the instructor? He's gonna want a sample.
Doug	Oh yeah. So how do we get it to the instructor, cause like we don't even know where he lives, eh!
Bob	Naw, we take it to the school at night eh and like give him the samples and then write the exam.
Doug	There's an exam?
Bob	Yeah.
Doug	At the school?
Bob	Yeah.
Doug	At night?
Bob	Yeah!
Doug	Geez. I haven't been at school at night since we snuck in and spray-painted the lockers.
Bob	Hey, take off!
Doug	Did they ever figure out it was us who did that?
Bob	You just told them!
Doug	Oops, sorry eh! Maybe our old teachers won't be reading this. They probably don't think we can write anyway.
Bob	You nobk! Now we're gonna get detention and have to stay after school!
Doug	A detention? We've been out of high school for years!
Bob	Oh yeah? We're taking a course right now!
Doug	It's a correspondence course. All that means is we'll have to stay home after school.
Bob	Hey, I'm gonna like this detention. Let's get loaded! Gimme a beer!
Doug	Okay, eh! (opens case and pulls out two beers)

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Summer School

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