| October, 2002 |  |
Weather: Pollution from the van is increasing the greenhouse gases above our house so we're sittin' on our front lawn in our shorts drinking beer watching all you hosers with coats and stuff on. |
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| Vol. 6, No. 1 |
| October, 2002 | |
Weather: Pollution from the van is increasing the greenhouse gases above our house so we're sittin' on our front lawn in our shorts drinking beer watching all you hosers with coats and stuff on. |
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| Vol. 6, No. 1 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Good day, and welcome to the Hoser. I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Today we're live on location at work at our new jobs! |
| Doug | Yeah, we're cooks at Mom's Diner now! |
| Bob | But not our mom. |
| Doug | Right. Just someone else named Mom. |
| Bob | Ok, so good day, and welcome to Mom's. We've got like decor from the 50s, 60s, and 70s here so it looks like an old time diner. There's like Elvis posters and vinyl records and stuff on the walls, eh! |
| Doug | But just because there's 70s stuff doesn't mean there's disco. Disco sucks. Even Mom thinks disco sucks. |
| Bob | But not our mom. |
| Doug | Well, actually she thinks it sucks too. |
| Bob | Oh yeah. So anyway, here we are cooking breakfast for all the people who are here. |
| Doug | Yeah, Mom's has a pretty good breakfast. Not as good as our mom's, but almost. |
| Bob | Shh! She might hear you! |
| Doug | Who? |
| Bob | Mom! |
| Doug | Our mom? |
| Bob | No, here Mom, you nobk! |
| Doug | Oh, right. Hey, I said it was almost as good. |
| Bob | Okay, then. |
| Doug | So like I was saying, this place has pretty good breakfasts. Most places serve like side bacon but if you ask for it Mom will give you back bacon, eh? |
| Bob | Beauty. I'm frying some up right now. |
| Doug | You're burning some up right now. |
| Bob | Oh, geez! You're right! |
| Doug | I guess we have to eat it, eh? (takes piece of back bacon and eats it) |
| Bob | Geez, don't let Mom catch you eating on the job! |
| Doug | Hey, I'm trying to keep you from getting caught burning the food! |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | Yeah, right. |
| Bob | So there's lots of people here, and business is booming. |
| Doug | Booming, eh? |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| Doug | I think they're a member of the BBB. |
| Bob | What's the BBB? |
| Doug | The Better Business Brewery! |
| Bob | The what? |
| Doug | Uh. It's a brewery that makes beer for all the businesses in town and if like there's no complaints or anything against you they like let you into the Better Business Brewery and you can drink beer there for being such a good businessperson. |
| Bob | That... that's amazing! |
| Doug | I know. |
| Bob | So Mom gets to drink there? |
| Doug | Yeah! |
| Bob | But not our mom. |
| Doug | Right. |
| Mom | (offscreen) Hey, you two hosers in the kitchen! Stop talking and get working! |
| Bob | Sorry, Mom! |
| Doug | Yeah, sorry! |
| Bob | Geez. She sounds like our mom. |
| Doug | Take off, eh? |
| Bob | Okay, welcome back, I'm Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | How's it goin'? |
| Bob | It's goin' pretty good, you know why? |
| Doug | No, why? |
| Bob | That's what I said! SNORK! |
| Doug | Hoser. |
| Bob | No, the reason why, eh, is like we've been doing The Hoser for five years now! |
| Doug | Oh yeah! Wow, five years. How many issues is that? |
| Bob | Um. A lot. No, wait! There's twelve issues a year, that's like half a case of beer. |
| Doug | So two years is a two-four. |
| Bob | Right. |
| Doug | So four years would be two two-fours, that's 48 beers. I mean issues. |
| Bob | Plus another half. |
| Doug | So twelve more. That's uh... sixty. |
| Together | HOLY GEEZ! |
| Bob | We've done sixty issues of the Hoser? |
| Doug | I guess, eh! |
| Bob | Wow, that's a lot. |
| Doug | That's a lot of beer. |
| Bob | Nothing you can't do on a Saturday night. |
| Doug | You hoser. |
| Bob | You're a hoser. |
| Doug | You're an ignorant hoser. |
| Bob | Yeah, well you're... uh... you're The Hoser. |
| Doug | No, this is The Hoser. The sixty-first one, too. |
| Bob | Okay. So good day, we gotta get working on the sixty-second one! |
| Doug | Yeah, good day, eh! And good five years! |
| Bob | Yeah, good five years, eh! |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Good day, and like our movie Strange Brew is out on DVD this month, eh! So like go out to the video store or wherever and buy it or like rent it and then copy it or something. And if you don't have a DVD player but have been thinking of getting one then like this is your excuse, eh!
It's like widescreen and in stereo even so if you have Dolby you can blow up your speakers, eh! And plus like there's great features like episodes of Great White North and the Animated Adventures Of Bob And Doug McKenzie. Read this article on BobNET for more info and go buy it! Now, eh!
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Ok, SCTV is on in Canada on the Comedy Network, eh! If you live in Canada then check their page or SCTV: On The Air! for a list of times that it's on, and then like watch it, eh!
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2002 Chris "Bob" Odorjan