December, 2000 | Weather: Expect flurries this month. Buy them at Dairy Queen. | |
Vol. 4, No. 3 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Good day, welcome to the Hoser. |
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Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | Today the topic is what happens when beer gets too cold. Ok, go. |
Doug | Yeah. Usually, we try to keep our beer cold, cause then it tastes better, and there's less chance of puking after drinking a lot, too. |
Bob | Good one. But what if it's colder than freezing out? What happens then? |
Doug | Uh, the beer freezes! |
Bob | Yeah, I know, it was a rhetorical question. |
Doug | A wha? You were reading the dictionary again, eh? |
Bob | No way, eh? I didn't flunk grade 8 two times, like you. |
Doug | Yeah, you only flunked it once. |
Bob | Nobk. |
Doug | Anyway, it's like, really cold out this time of year, and that causes the beer to freeze. |
Bob | And if it gets real cold, the beer'll explode! |
Doug | Really? |
Bob | Yeah. You've never put a beer in the freezer and forgot about it? |
Doug | No way, I never forget my beer. |
Bob | What about the time you put the case you just bought on top of the van, and drove off without putting it in the back? There was broken bottles all over the road! |
Doug | I forgot, eh? |
Bob | Yeah, real decent! You wasted almost $30! |
Doug | Hoser. What was I talking about? |
Bob | Um. Beer in the freezer. |
Doug | Why would you do that? |
Bob | To cool it down faster! |
Doug | Just drink it warm! If you puke, you puke! Makes room for more beer! |
Bob | But you get less effect! |
Doug | Good point. It wastes beer, too. |
Bob | Maybe that's what it means when they say "you're wasted"! |
Doug | Could be, eh? |
Bob | Anyway, it's cold out, so don't keep your beer outside. |
Doug | Unless you want to see a bottle of beer explode. Of course, you can get the same effect by putting it on the Coleman, like this. |
SFX | Sound of beer being placed on stove |
Bob | Wha? Take off! |
Doug | No way, eh? |
SFX | Sound of Bob removing the beer and opening it. |
Bob | (taking swig) Geez. Now it's warm. I hope you're happy, eh? |
Doug | No, that's my new idea, eh? If you're outside, like you're ice fishing or playing hockey or hiding from the cops or something, put the beer real close to your Coleman. |
Bob | Why? |
Doug | Cause that'll keep it from freezing, and it'll still be cold enough to drink, hosehead! |
Bob | Hey, that's a good idea, eh? Hand me your beer! |
Doug | Wha? Gimme back my beer! |
SFX | Doug's beer being placed onto the stove |
Bob | Here, have some beer soup. |
SFX | beer foaming over |
Doug | YOU HOSER! |
Okay, every year people ask for the lyrics to Twelve Days of Christmas. So, we put them here, eh? Play this at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do. So good day, this is the Christmas part, and we're gonna tell you what to get your true love for Christmas...
Ok, eh? The back issues are up, but not the really early ones. We'll get them done sometime. We think.
Good day. The fine folks at The Comedy Network in Canada are still showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, sometimes two a day. Check out the SCTV page for more info, eh?
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2000 Chris "Bob" Odorjan