July, 2000 | Weather: It's gonna be hot this month, so cool off by going swimming. Take your tuque off, first. | |
Vol. 3, No. 10 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Okay, good day, welcome to the Hoser. |
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Doug | Howzit goin', eh? |
Bob | Today the topic is the Canadian language. |
Doug | Yeah, people think that Canadians speak English. But, like, we don't, eh? |
Bob | Yeah, it's like a dialect, eh? It sounds like English, and you can probably understand us if you're not from the Great White North. But we're not speaking English. |
Doug | Neat, eh? Go, hoser. |
Bob | There's a good one. Canadians are real polite, eh? So when you want to insult a guy without swearing or something, just call him a "hoser". |
Doug | And we say "take off" instead of other things. |
Bob | Well, we say that when we're on TV or movies or internet. |
Doug | Yeah, well, I'll have to wash your mouth out with soap later. |
Bob | Take off! I mean... |
Doug | Oh, good example of the common usage, eh? |
Bob | Beauty. |
Doug | There's another one. |
Bob | Wha? Oh. "Beauty" is another word we use. |
Doug | What's it mean? |
Bob | Uh. I'm not sure, but it's neat. Repeat after me, folks. Say "beauty". |
You | Beauty. |
Bob | Ok, I knew you could. |
Doug | Suddenly this has become "You Are Our Guest, Part II". |
Bob | Yeah, we got the readers to say "beauty". |
Doug | Ok, I've got one! Look under there, eh? |
You | Under where, Doug? |
Doug | SNORK! I just got you to say "underwear"! |
Bob | Geez. How old are you? |
Doug | Old enough to drink, that's all I know. |
Bob | Yeah, right. What else do Canadians say? |
Doug | Eh? |
Bob | I said, what else do Canadians say? |
Doug | I heard you. I say "eh?" |
Bob | Eh? Oh, eh?! |
Doug | Yeah. You may have noticed that we occasionally insert the word "eh?" at the end of our sentences, eh? |
You | Occasionally, Doug? |
Doug | Ok, maybe it's more than that, eh? Um... |
Bob | Yeah, but what does it mean? |
Doug | Uh, it's like "beauty", it's neat. |
Bob | Take off. It has to have a meaning, otherwise we wouldn't say it. |
Doug | Ok, well, maybe it means "my brother is a hoser." Then when I say "take off, eh?" I'm really saying "take off, my brother is a hoser". |
Bob | Could be, eh? |
Doug | Take off. Eh? |
Bob | Ok, maybe it means whatever you think it means. |
Doug | So, take it in context, eh? |
Bob | Ok. So what you meant was "take it in context, do you know what I mean?" |
Doug | Yeah, that's the English way of saying that. The Canadian way uses less syllables. |
Bob | And with the price of gas the way it is, we need to save energy by using words with less syllables, eh? |
Doug | Good one. |
Bob | Yeah. From now on, I'll talk with monosyllabic words. |
You | "Monosyllabic" has more than one syllable, Bob. |
Bob | Are you still here? |
Doug | Take off! Don't make him leave! |
Bob | Ok. Sorry. |
You | No way, you hosers. You're out of space for this month, eh? |
Doug | Hey, he's right. |
Bob | Yep. In that case, that's the topic for this month, good day. |
Doug | Good day, eh? |
Bob | Beauty idea for a topic! |
Doug | Yeah, good thing I thought of it. |
Bob | You? Yeah, right. I thought of it, alone. |
Doug | Take off! |
The Bob and Doug McKenzie "action figures" are finally out. Look for them at your local comic book store, or if you don't have one, go to Spawn Toys and order them over then internet, eh?
We keep promising the back issues, but they still aren't up. Fear not! The original files are still here, we just have to fix some stuff up. (Like, Doug's name was spelled "McKeznie" on the first year and a half. We also spelled tuque a whole bunch of different ways, too.)
Good day. The fine folks at The Comedy Network in Canada are still showing the syndicated episodes of SCTV, but now only a couple times a week. Check out the SCTV page for more info, eh?
Good day, eh? Any news about our new movie, our action figures, and, like, anything else about us will be posted on our News page before we put it here, eh? So, like, maybe you want to bookmark it, or something, so you'll know, like, which beer stores to go to, eh?
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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