The Hoser

September, 1998		Weather: Even though summer's almost over, don't leave beer outside. It'll explode.
Vol. 1, No. 12

Bottle Openers

by Doug McKenzie, Editor

-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor

Bob	Okay, good day, and welcome to the Hoser.
Doug	Good day, eh?
Bob	Okay. Today the topic is... um... what was it again?
Doug	Jeepers. How many beers did you have before?
Bob	Wha?
Doug	Okay, folks. My brother Bob is loaded, and gone. So I'm doing the Hoser this month.
Bob	Take off! I remember the topic now. Beer caps.
Doug	No, hosehead! We said, like, yesterday, that our topic was bottle openers.
Bob	Geez. Same thing, hoser.
Doug	Okay. Like, 15 years ago, American beer used to come with twist off beer caps, and Canadians didn't.
Bob	Yeah, and we explained it on our show. There's less alcohol in American beer, so they have to drink it faster to get the same effect, so they made twist offs.
Doug	But now, Canadian beer has twist offs, too. So, like, what are you going to do with your bottle openers now that we don't need them?
Bob	They still make regular, non-twist off, bottles, eh, hoser?
Doug	They do not. Do they?
Bob	Yeah, I spent, like, two hours trying to twist off a beer cap once, and later I found out it wasn't a twist off, eh?
Doug	Jeepers. Well, there goes our topic, eh? I take it back, folks. You still need church keys and openers, eh?
Bob	You're a hoser. Like, you gotta know something about the topic before you open your mouth, eh?
Doug	At least I didn't forget the topic, hosehead!
Bob	Yeah, well, take off!

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Copyright ©1997, 1998 Chris "Bob" Odorjan