| May, 2007 |  |
Weather: Thanks to global warming it's like summer and really warm right so don't let the cops tell you that you can't sit on the front porch in just a tuque and underpants eh! |
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| Vol. 10, No. 8 |
| May, 2007 | |
Weather: Thanks to global warming it's like summer and really warm right so don't let the cops tell you that you can't sit on the front porch in just a tuque and underpants eh! |
|---|---|---|
| Vol. 10, No. 8 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | So welcome to our celebration of Cinco de Mayo, eh! Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican holiday and from the sounds of it it's a big contest to see if mayonnaise will sink. |
| Doug | Yeah, I believe it's Spanish for "Sink-o the Mayo". |
| Bob | Wow. How did you know that? |
| Doug | I read a lot, eh. |
| Bob | Oh yeah? Where'd you read that? |
| Doug | Uh... probably on the back of a mayonnaise jar or something. |
| Bob | Beauty. So it must be a pretty big deal cause you see it on the news all the time, right? |
| Doug | Yeah, and it's harder than it looks, cause we've got five different kinds of mayonnaise here and we can't get any of them to sink at all, eh! |
| Bob | We was in our neighbour's pool and he was pretty mad that we tried it with the tops off the jars. |
| Doug | Well I figured the water would run in and fill the jars and get rid of all the air and weigh them down, eh! I didn't realize it would all slime out. |
| Bob | Hey, he should be thanking us that he no longer needs a solar cover. |
| Doug | Really, eh! So we tried the regular stuff, the stuff made with whole eggs... |
| Bob | Don't forget the salad dressing, eh! |
| Doug | Yeah, two types of salad dressing. We even got some No Name™ brand mayonnaise! |
| Bob | Did you just say the trademark symbol? |
| Doug | I did cause it's a brand name! Besides, this is on the Internet, it's written, not spoken. |
| Bob | Well, not anymore, eh! There's videos and sounds and pictures and everything online now! It hasn't been just written since 1997! |
| Doug | So? The design of this site hasn't been updated since 1997, either. |
| Bob | We should do something about that, eh? |
| Doug | Yeah, and... (eats a spoonful of mayonnaise) ..geez, this stuff is pretty good! I can see why they'd hold parties in its honour. |
| Bob | Aw geez. At least get some fries or something to eat it with! |
| Doug | You want some? |
| Bob | Oh. Okay. (takes a spoonful) Hey wait, maybe Cinco de Mayo isn't got anything to do with sinking mayonnaise jars, but is just a celebration of uh, the invention of mayonnaise. |
| Doug | Could be, eh? |
| You | Hey. |
| Bob | What? |
| Doug | Hey, it's our reader! |
| Bob | Whaddya want?! |
| Doug | Oh, way to be polite, eh! |
| Bob | Oh, sorry. Uh, you were saying, reader? |
| You | You guys realize that Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with mayonnaise, right? |
| Bob | What? No way, it's got "Mayo" in the name! |
| You | It's a holiday to celebrate the Mexican Victory over French forces on May 5, 1862. |
| Doug | Why didn't they just call it May The Fifth, then? |
| You | Cinco de Mayo is Spanish for "May The Fifth", you nobk! |
| Doug | Aw geez! |
| Bob | Hey, they shoulda held the battle three weeks later and called it May Two-Four, eh! |
| Doug | That'd be great. Then they could get not only a two-four of beer, but also five jars of mayonnaise, and... |
| You | You guys are a bunch of hosers. |
| Bob | Oh yeah? Well take off! |
| You | Fine, I will! |
| SFX | door slamming |
| Doug | Geez, how come we always end up annoying our readers, eh? |
| Bob | It's your fault. |
| Doug | Take off, eh! |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Attention all hosers who get the CBC, eh! (That means just about every Canadian plus a bunch of people with bootleg satellite hookups!) The 24th anniversary of the release of Strange Brew is coming up and in honour of the occasion the CBC will be showing a special on Victoria Day (aka. May Two-Four) weekend! Check your local listings, but Strange Brew should be on Sunday, May 20 at 7:00pm and the Two-Four Anniversary at 9:00pm, eh!
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2007 Chris "Bob" Odorjan