Definition:
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of each other. [Addison, 1672-1719]
Scripture References
"A friend loveth at all times." [Proverbs 17:17]
"A man that hath friends must show himself friendly; and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." [Proverbs 18:24]
Its pleasures and advantages
Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy, and the dividing of our grief. [Cicero]
A friend shares my sorrow, and makes it but a moiety; but he swells my joy, and makes it double. For so two channels divide the river, and lessen it into the rivulets, and make it fordable, and apt to drink up at the first revels of the Syrian star; but two torches do not divide, but increase the flame. And though my tears are the sooner dried up when they run on my friend's cheeks in the furrows of compassion; yet when my flame has kindled his lamp, we unite the glories, and make them radiant, like the golden candlesticks that burn before the throne of God; because they shine by numbers, by unions, and confederations of light and joy. [Jeremy Taylor, 1612-1667]
Friendship hath the skill and observation of the best physician; the diligence and vigilance of the best nurse; and the tenderness and patience of the best mother. [Lord Clarendon, 1608-1673]
True friendship is rare
People young and raw and soft-natured think it any easy thing to gain love, and reckon their own freindship a sure price of any man's; but when experience shall have shown them the hardness of most hearts, the hollowness of others, and the baseness and ingratitude of almost all, they will then find that a friend is the gift of God, and that He only who made hearts can unite them. [South, 1633-1716]
When a man shall have done all that he can to make one his friend, and emptied his purse to create endearment between them, he may, in the end, be forced to write vanity and frustration.
A long life may be passed without finding a friend in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and sincerity. A weak man, however honest, is not qualified to judge. A man of the world, however penetrating, is not fit to counsel. Friends are often chosen for similitude of manners, and therefore each palliates the other's failings because they are his own. Friends are tender, and unwilling to give pain; or they are interested, and fearful to offend. [Dr. S. Johnson, 1709-1784]
Friendship not to be formed hastily
Procure not friends in haste, and when thou hast a friend part not with him in haste. [Solon]
I will take heed both of a speedy friend and a slow enemy. Love is never lasting that flames before it burns. And hate, like wetted coals, throws a fiercer heat when fire gets the mastery. As the first may quickly fail; so the latter will hardly be altered. Early fruits rot soon. As quick wits have seldom sound judgement, which should make them continue; so friendship kindled suddenly is rarely found with durability of affection. Enduring love is ever built on virtue; which no man can see in another at once. [Felltham, 1668]
We ought always to make choice of persons of such worth and honour for our friends, that if they should ever cease to be so, they will not abuse our confidence, nor give us cause to fear them as enemies.
Real friendship is a slow grower, and never thrives unless engrafted upon a stock of known and reciprocal merit. [Lord Chesterfield, 1694-1773]
Should be formed only with the godly
It is thy interest to choose only the godly for thy friends. Others will one time or other prove false. These men will stick closer than a brother: Greet them that love us in the faith! such love will be firm. Ungodly men may be about us, as mice in a barn, whilst something is to be had; but when all the corn is gone, they are gone too; if you ceasest to give, they will cease to love. When the weather is foul, as swallows, though they cattered about our chimneys, and chattered in our chambers, they will take their flight, and leave nothing behind but dirt and dung as the pledge of their friendship. Haman's friends, who when he was in favour were ready to kiss his feet, no sooner saw the king incensed against him, but they were as ready to cover his face, and help him to a halter. There is no faith in that man who has no fear of the great God. [Swinnock, 1673]
Birds of a feather will flock together. Servants of the same Lord, if faithful, will join with their fellows, and not with the servants of His enemy. [Swinnock, 1673]
When a man comes to an inn, you may give a notable guess for what place he intends by the company he inquires after; his question -- "Do you know of any travelling towards London? I should be heartily glad of their company" -- will speak his mind and his course. If he hear of any bound for another coast, he regards them not; but if he know of any honest passengers that are to ride in the same road, and set out for the same city with himself, he sends to them, and begs the favour of their good company. This world is an inn, all men are in some sense pilgrims and strangers, they have no abiding place here. Now the company they inquire after, and delight in, whether those that walk in the "broad way" of the flesh, or those who walk in the "narrow way" of the Spirit, will declare whether they are going towards heaven, or towards hell. A wicked man will not desire the comany of them who walk in a contrary way, nor a saint delight in their society who go cross to his journey. "Can two walk together except they be agreed?" [Swinnock, 1673]
The young partridges hatched under a hen, go for a time along with her chickens, and keep them company, scraping in the earth together; but when they are grown up, and their wings fit for the purpose, they mount up into the air, and seek for birds of their own nature. A Christian, before his conversion, is brought up under the prince of darkness, and walks in company with his "cursed crew," according to the course of this world; but when the Spirit changes his disposition, he quickly changes his companions, and delights only in the "saints that are on earth." [Swinnock, 1673]
The leaves drop from the trees in the beginning of autumn; such is the friendship of this world: whilst the sap of wealth and honour lasts with me, and whilst I enjoy a summer of prosperity my friends swarm in abundance; but in the winter of adversity they will leave me naked. Oh, how miserable is that person who has no friend but of this world. [Swinnock, 1673]
Perilousness of friendship with the ungodly
Familiarity with the ungodly will be a blemish and scandal upon your good name. Every man's company declares what he is. Birds of a sort flock together. So that if they wrong not the conscience they wound the reputation. [Manton, 1620-1667]
Man, being a sociable creature, is mightily encouraged to do as others do, especially in an evil example; for we are more suceptible of evil than we are of good. Sickness is sooner communicated than health; we easily catch a disease off one another, but those that are sound do not communicate health to the diseased. Or rather, to take God's own expression that sets it forth thus -- by touching the unclean the man became unclean under the law, but by touching the clean the man was not purified. The conversation of the wicken has more power to corrupt the good, than the conversation of the virtuous and holy to correct the lewd. [Manton, 1620-1667]
By the choice of our friends, we reveal our own character
You may depend upon it that he is a good man whose intimate friends are all good, and whose enemies are characters decidedly bad. [Lavater, 1741-1801]
Friendship tested by adversity
Whilst you are prosperous, you can number many friends; but when the storm comes, you are left alone. [Ovid]
True friends visit us in prosperity only when invited, but in adversity they come without invitation. [Theophrastus]
How is friendship to be maintained
It is a noble and great thing to cover the blemishes and to excuse the failings of a friend; to draw a curtain before his stains, and to display his perfections; to bury his weaknesses in silence, but to proclaim his virtues upon the housetop. [South, 1663-1716]
The Best Friend
When I see leaves drop from their trees in the beginning of autumn, just such, think I, is the friendship of the world; just such are the comforts and joys of this life. While the sap of maintenance lasts, my friends will swarm in abundance, my joys and comforts will abide with me; but when the sap ceases, the spring which supplies them fails; in the winter of my need they leave me naked. And those few leaves which I see falling, remind me of the coming winds, and rains, when those threes shall be wholly stirpped of their leaves; and of that season, that evil day, when all that administers to the gaiety and comfort of life shall fall from under me. Happy he who has that "Friend which sticketh closer than a brother," and that peace, and whose pleasures, which are at God's right hand, and which shall never fade away. [Salter, 1840]
