| September, 2006 |  |
Weather: All the new shows on TV start this month so don't worry about the weather cause you'll be indoors all the time eh unless you have an antenna still in which case you still don't have to worry about the weather cause you can always cut into your neighbour's cable, eh! |
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| Vol. 9, No. 12 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
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| Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
| Bob | Okay, so this month we had a really good topic, eh, but some hosehead forgot to write it down. |
| Doug | Yeah, and it wasn't me! |
| Bob | No take off, it was! |
| Doug | Okay, well, it was a great topic, too. And I came up with it! |
| Bob | You did not, it was me! |
| Doug | I agree. You forgot to write it down. |
| Bob | No wait... what? I came up with the topic, you forgot to write it down. |
| Doug | No way, it was you. |
| Bob | What, that... |
| Doug | ...that lost it! I came up with it. |
| Bob | Hoser. |
| Doug | And it was a really good topic, too. |
| Bob | Couldn't've been if you came up with it. It was probably about wearing tuques to the donut shop or something. |
| Doug | No it... hey, that's a good idea, eh? Okay folks, the topic is "wearing tuques to the donut shop"! |
| Bob | No way, it... don't forget, I came up with it. |
| Doug | So if it bombs I'm gonna quote you on that. |
| Bob | Take off. |
| Doug | Okay, so we always wear our tuques to the donut shop. |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| SFX | long pause |
| Doug | And uh, even in the summer. |
| Bob | Yeah. |
| SFX | long pause |
| Doug | You got anything to add? |
| Bob | Um. We wear our tuques to the donut shop, even in the summer. Oh, and in the winter, too. |
| Doug | Beauty! So, uh... |
| Bob | This topic sucks! |
| Doug | Just remember who came up with it! |
| Bob | Yeah, okay. But remember who forgot our real topic! |
| Doug | I'm not namin' any names, cause I'm not that sort of person. |
| Bob | What? You? You're the first guy to name names! |
| Doug | What do you mean? |
| Bob | Dad says "who dropped my beer?" and you say "Bob!" Dad says "who spent the beer money?" and you say "Bob!" Dad says "who drove the van through the garage door?" and you say "Bob!" |
| Doug | Yeah, well. You actually did do that last one. |
| Bob | Oh. Right. |
| Doug | But see, I'm teachin' you how to be responsible for your own actions. |
| Bob | You're teachin' me how to be responsible for your actions! |
| Doug | Well someone has to be! |
| Bob | Geez. You're a hoser. First you forget our topic and now you're blamin' all your problems on me! |
| Doug | Yeah, well I had no problems until you were born! |
| Bob | What were you? Four years old? You don't even remember what happened last week! |
| Doug | I remember being happy, that's all. |
| Bob | What? Last week or when you were four? |
| Doug | Uh. Both. |
| Bob | Right. So anyway, now we need a new topic. |
| Doug | We had a new topic. In fact, it was the best topic ever! We coulda... |
| Bob | Yeah, right! |
| Doug | We coulda put it up here and everyone woulda said "wow, Doug, what a great topic! We're glad you thought of it!" |
| Bob | You? Again with the thinking that you came up with the topic, eh! |
| Doug | And then they'd be saying "geez, that Doug McKenzie's real smart, eh? Like he should get an award for such great, uh... topic thinking of. Stuff." |
| Bob | "Topic thinking of stuff?" |
| Doug | Yeah. |
| Bob | You mean like "writing"? |
| Doug | Well if you wanna get technical then I suppose you could call it that. I prefer "composing". |
| Bob | Yeah, you're a composer like Beethoven. |
| Doug | I could be. |
| Bob | Doug Beethoven, and his symphony of topics. |
| Doug | It could be. Doug's Ninth Symphony. |
| Bob | What's that? Ode To Beer? |
| Doug | Yeah, in uh, B Major. |
| Bob | More like F Minor. |
| Doug | Wha? Take off! |
| Bob | You take off! |
| Doug | No: you, for forgetting our topic! |
| Bob | I didn't forget it, you d... aw, we're out of space. |
| Doug | We are? Ah no! We are. |
| Bob | So that's the Hoser for this month, good day. |
| Doug | Sorry we didn't have a good topic. We'll come up with one for next month. Or at least I will. Good day, eh! |
| Bob | "An analysis of Canadian and non-Canadian owned breweries and their impact on the national economy." |
| Doug | Wha? Oh yeah, that was it! How'd you... |
| Bob | It was written on my arm. |
| Doug | Oh beauty. |
| SFX | long pause |
| Doug | That's not a good topic at all. |
| Bob | No, not really. |
| Doug | Okay, good day. |
| Bob | Good day, eh! |
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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