| April, 2005 |  |
Weather: It's gonna be wet outside and you'll probably get mud on your boots so make sure you wipe your feet before you go into the donut shop eh cause like the girl who just spent all morning mopping the floor will get real mad and kick you out, eh! |
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| Vol. 8, No. 7 |
by Bob McKenzie, Editor 
-- I edited too, eh! -- Doug McKenzie, the other Editor 
| Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, and I'm here at the dentist. |
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| Bob's Dentist | How's it goin', eh? (to Bob) I have to go get your records. Don't touch anything this time. |
| Bob | Okay, eh! (the dentist leaves) So uh, Doug's out in the waiting room, and he'll be in here next to do the second half of the show I guess. We're here for our six-month checkup. And uh, we recommend it for anyone who... |
| Doug | PSST! |
| Bob | Huh? Hey! What are you doing here? |
| Doug | I'm sneakin' in. |
| Bob | No, take off. |
| Doug | Good day, I'm Doug... Doctor Doug McKenzie. That's a doctor of dentistry, eh! |
| Bob | No, get out! |
| Doug | (taking mirror off the table) Okay, Bob, what seems to be the problem? |
| Bob | Take off! You're not a dentist! We're gonna get in trouble! |
| Doug | Your mouth seems to be stuck open and there's lots of sound coming out but it doesn't make any sense. I think we have a bad case of tooth decay here. |
| Bob | No way, eh! |
| Doug | Okay, in case you haven't figured it out, I'm not really a dentist. |
| Bob | (sarcastically) NO! |
| Doug | Yeah! So good day, and the topic is uh, dental health. |
| Bob | Apparently this is a public service announcement. |
| Doug | The more you know. Stay in school, kids. |
| Bob | Geez. Anyway, it's important to see your dentist twice a year, and... |
| Doug | That doesn't mean just to see him. You actually have to make an appointment and go to his office. |
| Bob | Yeah, we found that out the hard way. |
| Doug | So uh, here we are at the dentist. Look at all the neat tools they get to use. (picks up drill) |
| SFX | drill whirring |
| Bob | GEEZ! Take off! |
| Doug | Don't worry, I'm not gonna use it. |
| Bob | Hey look. They got all sorts of other attachments. |
| Doug | Beauty. Hey, this is the water thingy. (starts squirting Bob with water) |
| Bob | Hey, get out! |
| Doug | Wethead! |
| Bob | AAA!! |
| Doug | Your whole head is a soaker! |
| Bob | TAKE OFF! Gimme that! (reaches for the water sprayer) |
| Doug | No way, eh! I'm gonna use the drill! |
| Bob | Ah! (covers his head) |
| Doug | SNORK! I win, eh! |
| Bob | You're a hoser. |
| Doug | Hey, here's the vacuum, too. (picks up the vacuum) |
| SFX | vacuum turns on |
| Bob | Oh, beauty, eh! |
| Doug | (sticks vacuum in his mouth) AAWWWWGGGHHH!!!! |
| Bob | Wha??! What happen?! |
| Doug | Is suck oo my ung! |
| Bob | Huh? |
| Doug | Geh ih awww! Geh ih aww! |
| Bob | Oh, it's stuck to your tongue! |
| Doug | Eahh! |
| Bob | Gimme that. (pulls on it) |
| Doug | AAAAWWW!! (it comes out) Geez, eh! |
| Bob | Hurts, don't it? |
| Doug | Yeah. That's pretty powerful, we should come here to vacuum out our van instead of spending a dollar at the car wash. |
| Bob | How much do you think the dentist will charge? |
| Doug | Well, if we're paying like a hundred dollars for our teeth, he probably won't mind if we borrow it for a few minutes for the van. |
| Bob | Good idea, eh! We'll ask him when he gets back. |
| Doug | So what other neat things do dentists get to play with? (looks around) Hey! |
| Bob | What? |
| Doug | Laughing gas! |
| Bob | No take off! We're gonna get in real big trouble! |
| Doug | I don't want to breathe it. I want to use it in the van! |
| Bob | Huh? |
| Doug | It's nitrous oxide, that's the stuff they use to make cars go real fast! |
| Bob | Yeah, our van will go real fast with that in it. |
| Doug | Oh, it will! I just gotta figure out how to get it injected in the engine. (looks around the tank) |
| Dentist | (entering room) Hey! What are you doing?! |
| Doug | (looking up)Bob did it! |
| Bob | Wha? No, Doug did it! |
| Dentist | I told you guys not to touch anything! |
| Doug | No, you told Bob that and he forgot to tell me, so it's his fault. |
| Dentist | Doug, get out and wait your turn. |
| Doug | Geez, okay, eh! (heads for the door but turns around) Hey, can we borrow your vacuum to clean out our van? |
| Dentist | Take off! |
| Doug | Okay, okay! (he leaves) |
| Dentist | Geez, what a bunch of hosers! |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, is out on DVD now, eh! Like now there's three volumes out, covering the whole fourth season when we did our best work! So take back your empties so you can afford to buy them, eh!
![[CCIC]](../ccic.png) | CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
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