August, 2004 | Weather: It's gonna be warm this month so soak your tuque and parka and boots and keep them in the freezer so when you wear them outdoors you'll stay cool. | |
Vol. 7, No. 11 |
by Doug McKenzie, Editor
-- I edited too, eh! -- Bob McKenzie, the other Editor
Bob | Okay, good day, I'm Bob McKenzie, this is my brother Doug. |
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Doug | How's it goin', eh? |
Bob | So like this month we're on strike! |
Doug | Yeah, don't talk to us, we're goin' on strike and we shouldn't even be here. |
Bob | We're not saying anything. Good day! |
You | Why are you going on strike? |
Doug | Cause like the hockey players are and we think that if there's not gonna be any hockey this season then there's no point in writing the Hoser. |
Bob | No, don't talk to our readers, eh! They're gonna trick us into doing this episode. |
You | I wouldn't do that, Bob. |
Bob | Oh, okay. |
You | So tell me, what are your demands? |
Doug | Demands? |
You | Yeah. |
Doug | Uh. |
Bob | We want more pay. |
Doug | Yeah, at least double what we're getting now. |
Bob | Yeah, double. |
You | How much are you making now? |
Doug | Nothing. |
Bob | What? No, he means he's going to tell you nothing. Cause like under our collective bargaining agreement we aren't supposed to disclose our salaries. |
You | Your what? |
Doug | Yeah, what? We don't have a bargaining agreement. |
Bob | Take off, we do too! |
You | You do not. |
Doug | Our readers are right, eh! |
Bob | Okay, so we don't have one. That's why we're going on strike. |
Doug | Hey, are you sure you're not trying to trick us into doing a full issue of the Hoser? |
You | Yeah, I'm sure. |
Bob | Oh, okay. |
Doug | Yeah, you better not. |
You | Don't worry. So aside from the salary issue, what other demands has your union made to your employers? |
Bob | Wha? |
Doug | More beer. |
Bob | Oh yeah. More beer. And donuts. |
Doug | Yeah, a dozen donuts per issue. |
Bob | Per day. |
Doug | A dozen donuts per day. At least six of which are jelly filled. |
Bob | And I demand that we get the donuts separately, since otherwise my hosehead brother will eat all six jellies and then there'll be none left for me! |
Doug | Take off! |
Bob | You take off, cause you know it's true! |
Doug | It is not. |
Bob | Hoser. |
Doug | We also demand backbacon, and a free camp stove from Canadian Tire in case our current one gets busted. |
Bob | Beauty demand. I think we've made our point to management, that they can't boss us around anymore. |
You | So why should your employers cave in to your demands? It's not like they're making any money off this either. |
Doug | Um. Cause if there's no hockey season then they'll have to pay us for their entertainment. |
You | You realize that if there's a hockey strike most of the players will play in Europe and they'll broadcast the games from there, right? |
Doug | Really? |
You | Yeah! |
Bob | Oh yeah, I heard about that. |
Doug | Well then I guess we don't have to go on strike. |
Bob | Yeah. So what's the topic for this month? |
Doug | Uh. I didn't make one up. |
Bob | Why not? |
Doug | Cause I thought we'd be on strike. |
Bob | Geez! You hoser! |
Doug | What, me? |
Bob | Oh wait. We're out of space. |
Doug | Out of space? Hey, you did trick us! |
You | No, it wasn't me! |
Doug | You hoser! |
Bob | No! Don't call our readers hosers, you hoser! They'll leave, eh! |
Doug | Oh sorry. |
You | Geez. |
Bob | So anyway, we're out of space. Good day. |
Doug | Good day, eh! |
Bob | Hey, we're out of beer. |
Doug | I guess we should get some more. Let's go to the beer store! |
You | You better hope they're not on strike! |
Bob | Oh geez! Quick, before they go on strike! (they leave) |
You | Geez. What a bunch of hosers! |
by Bob and Doug McKenzie
Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, came out on DVD in June, eh! So like if you have it then watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. And if you don't have it, then why not, eh? Check out the article and the review. And like in October the second set of DVDs come out, so go get them too, eh!
CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATION THIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION. |
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The Hoser |
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BobNET NewsMy main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie. |
Contact BobSend me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about. |
Copyright ©1997-2004 Chris "Bob" Odorjan